Life is too short to not be happy.

The obstacle.

2010-07-11T15:52:00.003+08:00

An incident just happened to me recently...

It is like the most hurting thing that could happen to me..

Bt i dont know why i could forgive that easily???

The only thing i could say is probably the love for him is just too great...and always believing that humans are not perfect..that is what that made me forgave him.

I tend not to concentrate so much on the sadness,coz if i do,i'll just walk away leave everything behind..

therefore i put more focus on the cause..why it happen?what is lacking? what i can do to improve myself ?

Yes i did cry til my most terrible migraine hit me...but i let it out at least.

Felt better thenafter.

But trust me,my hope and trust has broken.

I'm giving him another chance coz i believe in second chance.

Oh god my tears just couldnt stop as i am typing this...

why do u have to do that to me??????

why love????

what sins have i done to u ???

i treated you like ur a king,my parents treated u like their own son...we gave you all the love we have...respect you as you are...but this is what we get in return...???

i did tell u that my heart almost stopped when i found out about it coz i gave you my trust with the hope that you wouldnt break it...but the person whom i tot would not hurt me a bit,hurt me the most....

you told me at that point of time you were frustrated with my behavior,

you think i was very rude towards you...but i never use a single vulgarities on you do u know that?? i am never that kind of girl...you said my words are sarcastically hurtful...yup i am very sarcastic coz' i want you to see the truth...but you doesnt seem to be seeing it...all you do is get mad,talk harshly and make the tiger in me be alive...do u ever realize that both of us are humans...we know what is anger and we react when triggered...i tried my best to be the most polite partner you could ever have but instead the blame you put on me...you said i rebel,yes maybe i did....coz' my soul is screaming silently...i want myself to be heard too...not only i am the one hearing and accepting..its torturing me...i know you are the man,i given u uttermost respect...treated you with oh-so-much LOVE and care...but what did i get?? Broken heart.

We went to the pre marital course and learnt a lot from it...we promise to apply it to our daily lives...to communicate things even if its the ugliest or the worst thing you have to say and share-you still have to communicate...coz' truth does hurts but as human we could improve...but it seems that you didnt really learn syg...you resort to something that broke my heart...even tho' nothing happened between the both of you...but ur actions tells me alot about u...i know you told me that u regretted so much...and that you swear upon god that you will never do it again...but that is not the matter..the matter is whether or not u know what causes it..?? its you my dear..you have to think and think deep before you want to do anything...whether or not it could solve or it could add to your problems..if ur behavior still persist eventho' u swear u wont do it again,the tendency and the probability of you doing it again is still there...this is just minor obstacle,what if the obstacle gets even greater??? i'm sure you will forget ur swear coz u didnt think..u bypass ur brain and go straight to actions.

I could do what u did but becoz' i Think and Think deep whether or not it will solve my problems..i never tot of doing it at all.

And pls...eliminate the bad habits of lying...coz I seriously hate LIARS.

U could lie and no one sees it..But Allah is always watching you.At anytime ur lies will be known to the person u had lied if Allah wants to.

I just hope that we could start afresh coz' you are the one who is so seriously begging me to stay....if i follow my heart and sadness,i'll probably be so far away from you now...now,i will work and try to be the most polite and respectful partner to you and on your part you have to make it up for the trust that was broken...trust can be build...you broke it,you work hard earning it back.

Don't be angry if things are a bit different now...coz naturally it will be...you have to accept the consequences of ur own actions.It all matters to you whether or not u want the difference to be prolong or u wanna work hard and bring things back to the old sweet memories..

I love you still and that is why i am still here looking forward to the day i could officially be your wife...

Meanwhile,i seriously hope we start afresh and work out the flaws.

Yours truly

your wife to be.

Back.

2010-05-18T23:41:00.002+08:00

Dear Diary,

I have to apologize for my absence for a fairly long time i must say...I have been very occupied with my life since i met with Muhaimin.He gave me a new hope,new life,new happiness and most importantly a new part of me.
It feels as though i have known him for long but truth is its only been 6 months and we are already on the preparation for our Solemnization in January next year. :) I thank god for that,I couldn't ask for more.It feel so real in this relationship.
We argue,we fight,we cry and we laugh together..we go tru' the odds together and always be there for each other no matter what.. see how blessed i was...

Recently,we do argue quite frequently..I feel hurt too...not be because u hurt me,because of people around and the obstacles that god has given me.... I'm trying my very best to overcome every bit of it...Sometimes all this obstacles influenced my mentality...and made me query...should i or should i not?? Bu i try to find the cause ..and the cause was from myself... coz of my Low Self-Esteem...i freakin' need to lose weight so that i can gain back the confidence and that beautiful curves i once had...i have about 7 more months to go before my big day...
Please do give me the drive and motivation to work on it....oh god pls...it hurts me when someone u really respect says some negative remarks on my body...it really do hurt..but i can accept it...coz i'm gonna be ur daughter in law and i know u says that coz u want me to look at my best... i have to be less sensitive in the future too...Thanks to u that my drive to work on it became stronger..

In my heart,i know i can do it and i know that even tho' i may not score physically,but i did my best in my morale and attitude...plus Muhaimin loves me so much that he couldnt live without me..does that tells me something? Yes,i should marry him coz i can't live without him to...
there was a saying:" Don't marry a person coz u wanna be with him but marry a person coz u cant live without him..." and i truly believe in that...

Oh this is so therapeutic...thank you diary for hearing me out.

Disgusted.

2010-03-15T22:38:00.003+08:00

I was nudged by Suzanne in MSN again...

I thank god that i was not meant for him...
Utterly disgusted by him...
In Summary-heartbreaker.

But yeah...its the past...and i believe in KARMA too.
Forgotten about it too.

I have got no time to think about it too..
not worthy.

Random

2010-03-15T02:26:00.003+08:00

Lots of things happened.
-Allahyarhamha nenek is resting peacefully now...
-I feel so happy and blessed to be able to meet the most beautiful person in my life-Muhaimin
-2 of my colleagues got engaged at the same day and time ...
-i'm getting fatter aka happier-but i freaking needs to lose weight coz Lovey is not so tall in height..hehe!
-planning for a short vacation to Bandung with my couple in crime... ;)
-Some freaking woman aka Suzanne(someone's EX!) msn me -i freaking dunno for whatever reason..?? wth?lucky thing i was in a movie with love and didnt reply to her msgs..Freako.

blah blah blah.......etc etc...

didn't know 2010 will be an eventful year....still more to come :)

Sad-love moments.

2010-02-22T19:43:00.002+08:00

Nenek is critcally ill at NUH's Medical ICU.
For the past week,i have been going to and fro hospital..
Dearest Muhaimin have always been with me tru' bad times...
He picks me up from hospital to home everyday and visited nenek everyday too..
He cried with me even...
I thank god i found him...
And i never fail to pray for nenek's recovery...
Even if its time for her to go,i want her to go peacefully and don't want her to feel any pain...
As a nurse,i maximise usage of my nursing knowledge so as to help be nenek's advocate...
I am the main spokesperson for my nenek coz' i know that i am knowledgeable out of many..
But i still feel helpless when nothing much can be done to help nenek as nenek is very old and has many organ failure...
I took compassionate leave from work coz' i wanna be there for nenek every single day...
I have not been to work for a week and tomorrow i am resuming work...
My mind is still not at ease...
But work is work....
And with all these happening,i can never be thankful enough to have such a supportive partner like my dearest Muhaimin...

I love you like no words can describe...

P.S I love you so much nenek...be strong coz our prayers are always with you..

Back from Hiatus.

2010-02-10T07:49:00.002+08:00

Its been awhile since i last blog.
Been quite busy with life-now that i have one more commitment ;)
Things have been going on quite nicely for me...
We fight,we cry,we laugh but we end up loving each other more...
It feels long although we are very new...
Maybe becoz we meet everyday without fail... :)-not complaining though.

I have to adjust to lots of things now that i have you...
it is not an easy transition i must say but i am enjoying every journey of it...
one thing i'm thinking about now is my intention of going Middle East to work...
I know we will suffer if we are separated so faraway from each other...
we will think of a way out to that i hope..
there is few options i could think and it seems that u have no objection to that... :)
But first...
i must start sending CV to them...
you should too :)

And another thing that bothers me is about you and Kak Midah...
you guys just can't seem to get along...
tough one for me...
So weird that both of ya'll not quite like each other even before i get to intro both of u to each other...
hmmm...
well....this is life...problems are bound to be there... :(
gotta face it with an open mind and open heart :)

Your Song To Me.

2010-01-11T03:40:00.002+08:00

Whenever I'm weary

From the battles that rage in my head

You make sense of madness

When my sanity hangs by a thread

I lose my way but still you

Seem to understand

Now and forever I will be your man

Sometimes I just hold you

Too caught up in me to see

I'm holding a fortune

That heaven has given to me

I'll try to show you

Each and every way I can

Now and foreverI will be your man

Now I can rest my worries

And always be sure

That I won't be alone anymore

If I'd only known you were there

All the time

All this time

Until the day the ocean

Doesn't touch the sand

Now and forever

I will be your man

Now and forever

I will be your man

Bless this Love.

2010-01-08T05:18:00.003+08:00

Thank god I found you.

I miss everything about you and you cried so much while i'm away.

Now that i'm back in your arms.

I am just so thankful that i was given this chance to know you and to love you.

You told me you love me more than yourself.

How touching is that..?

Arrhhhh...tell me how can i not fall for you more each day..?

Even mom and dad is impressed by how responsible you are in picking and sending me home at my doorstep every single time we met.. :)

Oh Allah..pls bless this Love of ours...

Amin~

History-fied.

2010-01-06T04:33:00.000+08:00

It was indeed a beautiful place.

No regrets for sure.

Even tho' i have to leave my Ayah back home.

Glad that he understands and never fail to SKYPE every single night with me throughout the 11 days.

I learnt alot about the rich history of Turkey,the culture,religion,people,food and entertainment.

An eye-opener for me.

Turkish guys are especially friendly ;)

And first time experiencing snow!!

And most precious experience is taking a ride on the hot air balloon at Cappedoccia amidst the beautiful cliffs and mountaineous area of the countryside.Breath taking experience.

But i misses Singapore and especially Sambal tumis and cili padi!! I ate Cheese and meat everyday there!! I'm sick of meat & cheese now.haha!

But most importantly I'm back in his arms. :)

Time off.

2009-12-25T14:35:00.003+08:00

Now that i am officially on a 3 weeks leave from work!!!!! woohooo!
Stress-free period....
And tomorrow....I will be away....for awhile...
taking my time off to somewhere I have always wanted to be....
Pray for my safe journey to and fro...
And I can't wait to experience the beauty of this place...
Till i'm back in Singapore..
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year people.... :)

P.S. Mama's gonna mish you so so much Ayah....

This Love.

2009-12-22T15:36:00.003+08:00

It is hard accepting your flaws..

But it is even harder imagining life without you...

I smile everyday hearing,looking and feeling you...

You smile everyday knowing i'm there for you...

We are afraid of losing each other coz it feels meaningless without each other...

You feel so lost without me by ur side for few minutes..

Oh dear....how can i not Love you more each day..?

You fetch and send me home at my doorstep everytime we meet..

You told me you feel like crying everytime we have to go back home..

Its been so long since i last feel this LOVE i have been wanting...

And both of us are working on it- now that we have it...

May Allah bless our Love...

Love is like a battlefield.

2009-12-17T02:50:00.002+08:00

I'm in Love.
But it is a mixed feeling.
It feels weird too.
It was Love at first sight for the both of us.
Didn't expected it though.
This time,i'm not going to cry and be depressed if it doesn't work,
I'm just gonna move on and work harder.
They say it is always very sweet in the beginning.
Its the honeymoon period.
Just enjoy and cherish this moment.
There is more challenges to come.
Yes,i do hope that he is the right one but I am prepared if he isn't.

It still feels so raw.
So new.
But we feel like we knew each other for ages.
Maybe that is what people referred as 'chemistry.'
He seems sincere but don't blame me if i still have doubts.
It is not easy to trust the male creature.
Just pray that everything is gonna be fine.
And yes...we are accepting the flaws we both have with an open heart.
We sorta make it as something we could work on.
May we be blessed.

2009-12-09T01:09:00.002+08:00

Resuming work tomoro's night.
Hopefully i'll feel better tomoro.
I never had such a bad GastroEnteritis ever in my life.

I feel so much better after i ate the delicious hot chicken porridge which i bought early this morning .
I was craving for it like mad.
Lucky thing i got it. :)
The day after tomoro will be a busy day for me as i'm going on a 3 days 2 night chalet.
I will be hosting it and thanks to my ward manager for not granting my request.
I have to freaking go to work from the chalet coz i was rostered to do day shift on my 2nd day at the chalet!
Thanks again eh.
Hopefully i will not be too tired. sigh.
Anyways...
its already 8th of January....soon i'll get away for a holiday!! woohoo!!

*claps hand*
*excited*

:)

2009-12-08T01:43:00.000+08:00

I had a busy Sunday attending to wedding and engagement invites.

In the midst of that madness,I found a willy wily cute,adorable cutie pie.

He is so so manja with me...

He like to smile and he giggles when i kiss him repeatedly on his face...
And his name is Raif....

I want a baby for myself too can?

My Genuine curses specially for you guys.

2009-12-05T13:57:00.004+08:00

Another one more night and then its a busy Sunday.
And hell yeah,thanks to my dearest Manager for screwing up my roster!!!
If i request means i need la Gundu!!
If u don't want to grant my request,then i throw in MC la...
Some stupid dumbass you are la..

Apart from that,
It is sometimes so so unfair for us.
We even have to think a trillion times if we want to take MC when in actual fact we are entitle for 13 days but only allow less than 5 days a year? More than 5 days,we will be converted to 3 shift.
What the hell is that????
absolute crap..!
And now i'm feeling sicky,stiff neck,sore throat,killing headache...
and what should i do????
Go drag myself to work la...die die also must work wat...
want to die also must die at work!!
Then only they know it is a genuine sickness.
Some Bitches you guys are.

I simply couldn't wait to get lost from CICU.
And in the midst of me trying to apply for job in Dubai,
Dubai faces ecomonic problem....
Haiz......
Hopefully Dubai will recover economically in about 6 month time???
Oh god pls....

2009-12-01T22:54:00.002+08:00

Outing to Vivo was so much fun with mom and abang.
Did some shopping,dining and just spending some quality times together.
Mom was happy to get a new phone and Abang was happy i treated them to a delicious meal at EARL Swensens.
We had a great day.

2009-12-01T14:01:00.004+08:00

So many things i wanted to update but im too lazy to blog.

My consecutive 5 days off was so much fun.

I did tonnes of stuff.

Shopping,party,dining,family,frens,GFs,Dates :)

I'm loving every bit of it!

And and and......and i got a newfound fren cum date...

Arab guy!!!

He was on a vacation break and came to Singapore for holiday.

He approach me that Sat night and then we went on a date..Such a sweetheart..but im not gonna have a serious relationship with him...

He is just good to oogle at and to be adored :) not gonna let matters of my heart get involved ;)

look at him....

Sheikh Zarkh Ali

*fanning myself* *faints*

Our Date turned out well...very well actually...

''Saya suka awak la sayang..." that was what he said before we went home....

I just replied "Aww...so cute la your Malay..!"haha...

In my heart i was saying...."Macam paham la budak Arab ni....hahaha!''

And now...I don't feel like going back to work tomoro...

Tsk tsk tsk.... such a bummer!

The Old Me is Dead & Gone.

2009-11-22T00:14:00.006+08:00

Happy 22Nd Yani!

Better year ahead for you ya.. :)

We sure do have tonnes of fun karaokeing for like 4 hours without stop!

I sure do love taking crazy pictures of You all singing or perhaps croaking away! lol!

We were high on sugars too coz of the Sinful BDAY cake and Aunty Anne's Pretzels!

And I love the 2nd part of the night too!

3monkeys session was absoutely relaxing and emotional huh?

I was actually tearing when i talk things out to the both of you...

I suddenly feel good letting it all out to you guys...

All this while i have never stop blaming on the past which i think had caused me to be who i am now.

And I don't really fancy being who i am now...

But you guys was right

I can't be too hard on myself...

And anyway i am heading those advice you guys told me.. :)

I have to be a lil'bit mean esp to guys,

Just so i stand up for my own rights.

And yes...

I'm Loving it :)

P.S The old me is dead & gone.

Sawadeeka...

2009-11-10T11:15:00.007+08:00

Been and back.

Bangkok was awesome.

Has always been actually.

Non-stop shopping!!

And we girls surely did have tonnes of fun!

We already miss Bangkok so much just after we landed in Changi Airport...damn..

It was my 2nd time there and so i was the one leading the girls.

I never regret coming back to Bangkok.

It has always been a great experience.

We Love Bangkok! :)

And my new Canon EOS 500D too! ;)

Feeling sore.

2009-11-03T02:06:00.002+08:00

Down with a bad sore throat...
So bad ..til' i almost couldn't let out my voice...
aarh..painful...
But still i have to work....
For another 2 nights...
Coz i'm having 6 consecutive off days...
Looking forward to my Bangkok trip... :)

I wonder and wander.

2009-10-31T01:51:00.004+08:00

I stayed home for my 2 consecutive off days.

It is not my norm actually.

I just don't feel like going out.

I feel so so tired.

I can really sleep so much-now I know.

I was in my room for most of the time coz' only at night everyone's home...

And during the day..

I was listening to songs and lying down on my comfy bed...

My mind starts to wander/wonder...

I am actually quite lonely...

I miss those time i have someone to call my own...

I miss those time i could talk,complain,laugh and cry with that someone....

I just miss those time...

But i know its all in the past...

And in times when im all alone in my room..

my mind just wanders/wonders.... :)

I am not complaining about anything...

I'm thankful and just as happy as i have always been :)

P.S. I am actually very much disturbed by the phonecalls/sms by irritating guys who doesn't understand what is rest days...hmmph!And plus I really am so sick by you guys...I have tried subtle ways to tell you guys that i'm not interested but still you guys don't understand me...being polite is not working i guess..haiz....this is life... the people who we want most,we couldn't have them,the people who we can't love,will be all around us....*sad*

New eye-candy.

2009-10-29T23:19:00.006+08:00

Should I or Shouldn't i ?

I'm eyeing the Canon EOS 500D and Nikon D5000.

LOL.

But My Canon Ixus is already giving me great picture quality.

But But...The EOS 500D and Nikon 5000D is better in so many ways!!

Well...I need to look into my finance part first...

If got extra cash, I might get it.

If not i'm very much happy with my IXUS already.

Short Trip-Booked.

2009-10-26T00:21:00.002+08:00

At last my short trip is booked.
After much thoughts.
We decided to go Bangkok.
Second time for me.
Not complaining though coz' we can shop til' we drop! :)

Ryfa is not coming with us.
Therefore its just the 3 of us.
We are all so excited for this short trip.
Coz it will be our first time travelling together!
Haha..
Surely loads of fun yea girls?? :)

We are already planning for our next year's April trip that it will be a BEACH getaway...yeay!
Hopefuly it can happen.

So yea...
Going Bangkok in 2 weeks time...
and then i will get all excited for my December trip!!
:)

Pesta Raya Simfoni Filem Nusantara.

2009-10-19T03:09:00.003+08:00

Elder Bro is performing with Orchestra Melayu Singapura.

Since there is Taufik Batisah,

I drag my parents to go watch the concert with the reason of wanting to give Abang Moral Support..! hahaha..!

At last...Dad bought the TIXS from sistic and off we went to the event.

Bro didnt even know we were there til i sms him minutes before the show started.

The event host was hilarious.(Zamberi A Patah & Sani Hussin )

The orchestra sounded perfect..(OMS)

Elfie ismail and Haryani Hasan Bakri's vices was superb...

Fuad Rahman makes me fall for his voice...almost fall for him ley...

Luckily Taufik Batisah save me...I fall even deeper for you bebeh!!

Your Seribu Tahun randition is arrgghh..so so goood!!

And Rossa was drop dead gorgeous... :) I sang along 'Atas Nama Cinta' without any lyrics mistakes ok!

I didn't wait til' the Autograph session with two reasons

One was because the crowd was so overwhelming...

second was because only Taufik was not included in the session...

Grrr...expected lah!

If not..I might faint u know! lol!

As a whole..

Worth my time,effort and money :)

It's getting on me.

2009-10-18T01:15:00.005+08:00

Apologies to everyone who has been trying so hard to get me.

I was really busy with work...

I didn't even pay much attention to my hp,sms or emails.

I was practically living in my own world...

Sometimes i just feel so impatient to wait til' next year June...haiz..

I wish i was not bonded...

I really don't want to work at this present place for long..

Not a healthy place to work in...

Bias,cruel assumptions,backstabbers,irritating nag-gers etc.

I really hope i can work in Dubai/Abu Dhabi after i end my bond next June

I really want to....

Plus i just need to be away from Singapore for sometime...

I am sorta upset and disappointed with the people here...

not everyone but some people...

And also coz' i wanna achieve something there...

Something i can be happy and satisfied with...

But i am really thankful that i have my bestfren,close frens,colleagues,cuzzins and beloved family to keep me going...

And especially my beloved parents....

both of them have given me alot of support in every aspect of my life...

I can never describe how much grateful i am...

I may be the most independent child/daughter both of you can ever have...

but i definitely know that both of you loves me so so much as much as you love Abang and Elmi...

I really hope both of you can allow me to go work in Dubai.Insya Allah.

P.S. I realize that as we grow older and as we face new challenges in life,we tend to change our expectations and dreams as we less expected it...I never thought I will be much interested to work overseas 5 years back....its different now.

Looking forward to December.

2009-10-09T22:22:00.002+08:00

It has been a tiring and hectic week for me..
Work work and work still...
Working again tomoro morning...haiz...

One thing I am happy about is that:
My december trip is booked!!!
I am so excited about it..!!

Well...about my November trip...
I seriously dont know...
One moment bestie is so enthu about it..
One moment she dont feel like going...
Me and the rest was like so excited about it...
But then,
I lost the excitement already...
kind of disappointed already...
Malas!
Maybe i can use that day off to do something else with the girls...or if not..
I can sleep for 6 days..!!
Such a bummer!

Syurga Cinta.

2009-10-04T01:49:00.003+08:00

I couldn't fall asleep...
Switch on my lappy and decided to watch youtube videos.
Then,came across this malay movie called ''Syurga Cinta.''
I fell in Love with the movie...
It touched my heart...
Especially this phrase-

''Kadang-kala Allah menyembunyikan matahari
Dan didatangkan petir dan kilat..
Kita tertanya-tanya dimanakah hilangnya matahari...
Rupa rupanye Allah memberi kita pelangi..''

And Jodoh terbahagi kepada tiga:
-Jodoh dari Syaitan
-Jodoh dari Jin
-Jodoh dari Allah...

Praying each day that I will meet the Jodoh dari Allah...
Amin~

Sick Head.

2009-10-03T21:07:00.002+08:00

I'm on sick leave for two days.
Why?
Migraine attack.
Not complaining though coz' i get to rest during the weekend.
Spent my sick leave resting at home for the whole day.
Going to book my year-end vacation tomorrow first thing in the morning and then head off to Wani's place coz' she invited everybody to her house for Hari Raya.
Hopefully I can bump into Emily,Steph,Jeevi and the rest.
I sort of miss the Poly Days... :)
Bestie gonna be there too but probly she is coming with her Boyfie..
See u guys there tomorrow.Insya Allah....

Wherever.

2009-09-27T22:55:00.003+08:00

Its already a week past Aidilfitri.
3 more weeks to go.
Relatives and Friends keeps flooding the house...
I'm getting very tired with all the housework..
My 3 off days was spent almost all the time in the kitchen preparing and cleaning... :(
I seriously need a break...

Hmm..talking about breaks,my tots just side-tracked to my planned vacations in November and December...
In November,will be going for a very short trip with my girls either to Bali,Krabi,Koh Samui or Bintan....
In December,will be going with my mommy colleague and her daughter to a destination which is considerably far and beautiful...still deciding on a few places...But i am surely looking forward to all my planned vacation.. :) getting bored with Singapore..ermm i meant the people here...haha!Need to have a change of environment for a bit.. ;)

Hari Raya 2009.

2009-09-24T14:54:00.004+08:00

Although I wasn't loooking forward to celebrate Raya this year...Ultimately Raya is still Raya...I still had fun meeting all my relatives and seeking forgiveness from everybody...I feel ''renewed" hehe...Raya this year was a bit different on Dad's side coz we didnt get to visit our Nyai...Some people are just tooo selfish...how could you stop everyone from visiting Nyai just becoz u took care of her???? Selfish Uncle and Auntie I got here..! But whatever la...One day i will surely invade ur house and just walk in to see my nyai..I dont care if you dont allow coz ultimately we all have the right to visit Nyai,esp my Dad...he is the closest son to Nyai ok..I know how sad it is for Dad to not be able to visit Nyai on Pagi raya...But Nyai surely will know Dad...Well apart from Dad..Raya is fun...!!Although am not getting duit collections and have to contribute instead,I still feel the joyfulness.. :) Selamat Hari Raya and keep it going ya.. ;)

Hari Raya Eve.

2009-09-20T00:52:00.005+08:00

I shall not say much.Let all these pictures do the talking. :)

Aftermath:

Before :

Hari Raya Wishes.

2009-09-19T01:20:00.003+08:00

Let me wish everyone a Happy Holiday and all the Muslim....

Selamat Hari Raya,Maaf Zahir & Batin.

I have not completed all my tasks yet.

I have got shortage of time!

But i definitely love my Meni & Pedi...

and my new heels!!!

so hott!! ;)

Can't wait to walk on those hott heels!

lol.

Our Mane Affair.

2009-09-09T22:56:00.001+08:00

woohoo..I love going to salon nowadays...
Two weeks back i went to the salon to snip off my hair...
Today i went to the same salon to rebond and color...
Wanna know why..??
Coz...Abang hairstylist dia is sungguh-kiuutt!
hahah!!And only 25 years old only...I loike...!! haha..but too bad lah..married already...haha
Its ok...at least when i do rebonding for 4 hours,I can feed my eyes with the sweet candy...;)
lol!!
Kuku and me spend the whole day doing our mane and then we watch THeProposal..
What a Hilarious way to end our day!! We loike!!!!

Forever Ramadhan.

2009-09-03T15:29:00.000+08:00

Time ticks off so quickly..its already more than 10 days of ramadhan..
I dont want Ramadhan to end...
its so peaceful...

I dont know why this ramadhan feels a little bit better than previous...
maybe coz' i have no guys,crushes or bf to think about or be worried about...
I only tk care of myself and loving myself more and more everyday... :)

wondering what my soulmate is doing now and where on earth is he is right now...hmmm..lol!We shall meet someday if we are destined to ok..?

And oh yes...I cant wait to have a long day off...I wanna fixed up my new blinds and curtains...surely chantique!hehe!

Gonna have iftar session with bestie,wani and yani tomoro...planning for our short trip sometime in november..hmm..where shall we go eh???

New mane.

2009-08-29T13:25:00.000+08:00

I snip off 3/4 of my mane!!!!!!
And i'm loving it...
I know many people likes my mane previously but i hate it coz its falling off like dried leaves...
And also that mane has so much memories/bad memories with it..
Goodbye mane!! ;)

And yesterday i had an iftar session with Sal.
Well,he claims that its been ages since we last met and that he misses me so much...aww.!!
We had our iftar at SOFRA.
Wonderful ambience and delicious food...
I have always like Middle-estern cuisine...and the people..ooops..chef dia kacak sekali!!!
And Sal loves my new mane...!
Of course...i look so much younger..and yesterday the first time in my life,a salesman says that "since you are a STUDENT,i will give you good price..." i was like what?? student??? I feel so young!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hhahahaha!!
So that was all about yesterday and my new mane...;)

Gonna have iftar session with bestie on monday... :)
Hmm..where shall we go??

Oh yes..i already did spring clean of my room and shopping at IKEA...!phew...2 mission accomplished.
I loike my new curtain...chantique!

Stressful period of my life..

2009-08-23T23:50:00.000+08:00

I'm stressed out...
feel so low and humiliated...
Work so hard nobody sees it...
made one mistake,it became a big big thing...

The world is sometimes cruel....

But i have no one else to blame but myself...

Not a good way to start off my Ramadhan...

*tearful*

Hate.(I really don't like you).

2009-08-17T16:18:00.002+08:00

I think i am so done with publishing post about Muhd Nur Firdaus.
And that he is now a stranger to me,I should end all posts about him.
It will save him from all worries anyway.
Anybody who will ask me about him will get curses from me straghtaway!
I don't easily turned mean/evil but he caused me to be like this.
Aside from that,I'm still ya'all sweet girl next door ;)

Anyways,I'm glad that Hari Raya Baju are all set.
I don't want to squeeze in and rub shoulders with the crowd at geylang during fasting month just to get the Baju Raya.
Now that Baju are all set,I'm left with few of other stuff to settle:
-Spring-clean and decorate my house and room.
-If oven is fixed,i may want to bake Hari Raya cookies
-Waving up my hair.
-Shop for Hari Raya's shoe and bag.
-Shop at IKEA for home accessories.

All that in about 1 month time?
*faints*
lol!

P.S. My favorit Month of Ramadhan is coming soon...one of the time i could sense strong serenity in me...I love it!

Back and Hurt.

2009-08-11T23:26:00.000+08:00

Im back from KL trip with Bestie and her Mom.
It was a fun trip with lots of shopping and eating!
I enjoyed myself and manage to divert my tots away from that Someone.

Im so gonna remember you for life Muhd Nur Firdaus.
Don't blame me for hating you.
You ask for it.
It is true you are the best thing ever happened in my life before
but you have hurt me enough.
I'm sure you are very happy now to know that i am hating you so much.
Congrats! U won.

I'm away for a lil' while.

2009-08-06T01:57:00.003+08:00

Going to KL with Bestie and her mommy.
Will be back soon.

And yes I am ok.
He can make himself vanish into the thin air.
I don't care or I shouldnt be caring about him anymore.
He is gettin' married for goodness sake...
He needs to stay away from irritating stalker/bugger like me..Duh~

Niways,
I am tired to pack la...
Anyone willing to pack for me..?? lol.

Thanks to you!

2009-07-31T23:42:00.002+08:00

If you don't want to have me in your list of friends,why did you accept my request in the first place??????
Why are you so fickle?
Fine!! If you think i dont deserve to be your friend,then why the hell did you ask me to add you in MSN that time?????
Even though you have make my life so so miserable ever since,I never have had hatred for you,but as time goes by,your actions is somewhat testing my patience..
It is as if you are testing how far is my Love for you!
\Ok fine!! Let me confess to you that Yes!!!I still Love you as much as I always do!!
But if hatred is what you want,i CAN.
Even tho' i still Love you,I dont expect you to come back to me!I know where i stand!
You dont have to run away from me,I know where to take my leave!!

I am so pissed off and disappointed that I have to cry so much for you again !
I hate you.
You really know how to make my life so "blissful''....
Thanks.

He prove me right.

2009-07-26T21:00:00.002+08:00

Like i said.
It is just too early.
He proves me right.
He is categorised under the typical group of guys i despise.
Thank god it is still early and I havent fall for him.
I feel like a burden off my shoulder after i decided to stop contacting him anymore.
*Relieved*

Syukur Alhamdulilah.

My 23rd.

2009-07-24T18:08:00.003+08:00

Thanks to all my lovelies for making it an enjoyable Birthday memories for me.
Loads of msgs,phonecalls wishing me Happy Birthday...thanks people...though i am expecting it from someone but its okay if he doesnt wish me....i understand.

Anyways my days are fun filled joy and laughter.
Had a relaxing LESBO session with Bestie doing body polish&Scrub plus Bubble bath and then
Went for dinner and party with my ladies in the evening.The very next day went to JB for Karaoke and Seafood and Movie with colleagues and someone new whom i didnt expect to meet at this point of my life...he is such a gentleman but too early to say.We shall see.He is nothing near perfect... imperfections does occur but if he is sincere,its just perfect.I am not near perfection either..but he is the first guy that is volunteering himself to meet up with my Kuku aka Kak Midah and my colleagues.He scored a point for that :)

I can't wait to start my Annual leave.Going JB with bestie and her mom.Going JB again with colleagues.

Officially 23 years old ;)
A year older is a year wiser.

Alone at work.

2009-07-13T05:29:00.002+08:00

Met up with my Beloved cuzzies recently.
Had an enjoyable night in JB.
Looking forward to another meet up soon.

Apart from that,

I'm clueless now...
At work now,sleepy,alone in the ward and feeling so so cold..brrr..

Lonely....i am so lonely..i have nobody to call my own.....tsk tsk..
Oh pls turn the clock to 730am pls..i want to go home and sleep!! I'm working again the next morning..damn!

Nothing Else.

2009-07-10T00:43:00.002+08:00

Nothing else but working.
I am very tired and my back hurts.
Infact,my whole body is aching.
Do nurses have to be suffering like this..?
Sigh~

Its starting to get even busy-er for me.
Lots of stuffs coming up.
Birthday,Ramadhan and Syawal too.
I don't usually celebrate my Bday but since my colleague have wanted to celebrate it,why not rite.
My girls are planning to party too.But i guess we could party on the 23rd instead? Coz' i will be in JB for the whole day with my colleagues.
Turning 23 is no joke.
Well,I got so many things still needs to be achieved.
And a new boyfren is not one of it. *smile with tongue out*
May god give me the strength,courage,health,wisdom and prosperity to me always.
Hoping for a better year ahead.:)

My one wish for the past 2 years have been the same.It will always be.
Wishing and hoping is the only thing left for it.

Other wishes:
that beautiful body
that beautiful long wavy hair
that beautiful skin

:)

Happy Birthday Sexywani.

2009-07-01T03:38:00.000+08:00

My 2nd off day was spent on Wani's Bday.
She turned 22 this year.
Happy 22nd Bday to you babe..
May all your wishes come true and may prosperity,health and happiness be with you always. :)
Hope you like that beautiful Agnes B. HP chain we bought exclusively for you. ;)
And do enjoy that no.1 bestseller cake too.yummy right.? hehe.
The seafood at Newton was good,Karaoke at Cuppage was fun and crazy.
Tho' i was all alone vs the 2 couple wic comprises of Wani&Nas and Yani&James,I'm happy you did enjoy your day.
It is just sad that Bestie Ifa can't join us coz of her tummy ache. :(
Bestie,I was alone ok...hur hur hur...!
I became the third party to both Wani&Nas til 230am ok!
Somehow when i look at the sweet couple,it brings back those memories when i was with Someone coz' at the point when Wani&Nas got hooked up(about 3 years back),I was with Someone and was oh-so-happy.I still remembered we had a couple outing at Swensens and the only couple that wasn't complete was Wani's.She came alone and was sad and depress coz' Nas couldn't make it.Out of all the 5 couple only Wani& Nas lasted til this very day..aww..so sweet!
I think i need a boyfren soon...hahaha!
Oh well...i meant a proper one of coz..not those who comes and go,hurts and breaks...*roll eyes*
But i'm not finding tho'....I want to bump onto him.hahaha!
I'm super sleepy now.Its like 0347hrs ok.
Nite Nite.

Shoutout

2009-06-26T23:11:00.001+08:00

Siti Irwani Azzuri!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I already got my Blackberry Bold..!!!!

*tapping my fingers on the table....* when is urs gonna be..??? hehehehe!!

Me-Day

2009-06-26T01:01:00.004+08:00

I'm enjoying my read.
Jodi Picoult-my sister's keeper.

I think i'm going out for my retail therapy tomorrow since it is my off day.
hmm.........lots of things to get and lots of bills to settle. And I need a Me-day for myself.

P.S. I'm not feeling quite well actually..my body ache..i feel very warm... hope i'll be ok when i wake up tomorrow.

Edit.

2009-06-25T23:54:00.000+08:00

I'm done editing my blog content.

Exhausted.

2009-06-24T13:40:00.002+08:00

It's been sometime.
I was freakin' busy with work and i think i am still gonna be.
Now i am complaining.
Although it made me busy and forget bout' stuffs i shouldn't be thinkin' about,I think i still deserve a good rest!
12 hour shifts is no joke.

I have been recently posted to Ward 61 to help out as they are lacking in staffs to cover for the overwhelming H1N1 cases.I tot' it was gonna be boring and no fun coz' i don't know them.But hey,I think i enjoy myself better than i am in ICU.I got along well with the staffs there too.:) Hmm...I don't mind going back to wards the next time plus i am sick with the peeps in ICU.oops..

Despite my constant busy-ness,I still manage to squeeze some time to reunite with beloved Bestie after so loooong! We had a good night-out.

And i am working again tonight.

P.S. I can't wait to get that Blackberry Bold.

Back from JB.

2009-06-18T11:44:00.002+08:00

Been and back from JB.
3 days 2 night was fun!
The hotel staff are very friendly.
We had Movie Marathon,Makan Marathon and Shopping Marathon.lol.
I didnt really miss Singapore coz from our 11th floor room,we could see singapore so clearly! haha...\

Going back there soon for our Hari Raya Shopping.

And so since we still have 1 more day off,we decided to give our colleague our support for the Singhealth Nursing Debate Semi-final.Congrats Geetha! KKH has kicked CGH out!! yeay!!Now is between KKH and SGH...hopefully KKH will win.. :)

Working later.I don't feel like going to work!! hish!

Retail Therapy

2009-06-14T00:32:00.003+08:00

I got my Designer shades and IPOD touch...
Still aiming for that Blackberry...
Soonest!!
My pockets hurts but my heart is in Love with my new COACH sunglass which cost a bloody 400 bucks and the IPOD touch which cost 498 bucks.That is like almost 1k ok!! sheesh~
I wont declare myself a bankrupt until i got that Blackberry.! haha!

Off to JB tomorrow.
Will be back soon to catch my Blackberry...haha!! siao!

Bonus!!

2009-06-13T05:08:00.002+08:00

Yay!!! I got Bonus!!! Yahooooo!!!!!!!!!!!
I can smell Blackberry/HTC and my Shades...*evil laughs*

I'm on my 5 days off as per my request...
Been working like Everyday.....!! I need a break..
giving me only one day off in between my nights and 1 day off in between 2 days is super tiring ok!!
Some people just aint as caring as what nurses should be...i think that quality just died off after you have stopped doing that bedside nursing and just stuck on ur chair doing the stupid roster! Irritating specimen you are!

And yes I'm going for a short trip to JB...destressing time with my KuKu aka Kak Midah and Kak Lela...I wanna go Movie Marathon,Eat Durian,Eat Seafood,Karaoke and see what I can shop there...JB,here I come....well sometimes we need not need to go so far for our vacation...you might miss the good thang and overlook the pleasures it has to offer...*wink*

Can I really really willy willy start to lose some weight after this JB trip...puurrlleaaseee??? I really need to...I have to!My Uniform is so so tight already..I feel like i'm in a body wrap ok!! Sheesh~

No money, Not Happy!

2009-06-09T06:35:00.002+08:00

I want the Blackberry Bold can?
I want a designer Shades for myself too!!

But,
WHAT IF.....no bonus?

I want to go on strikes la!

I feel for Izzie.

2009-06-07T17:45:00.005+08:00

I was post night.

I had breakfast once I reach home and then watch my Greys Anatomy (Season Pass episodes).

I was so sad watching it that I cried so much at about 830am in the morning???

Am I too emotional or is it really that they are a bunch of good actors and actresses??

But it did moved me for sure.

Will Izzie die?

I did a quiz in facebook asking which Greys Anatomy role am I most likely.

And mine was Izzie's.

I know that actually.

She is as Emo and Lovey-Dovey as me.LOL.

And in this latest episode,I would say I would have done the same thing as her,sign up for the DNR status.I neither want tubes going down my throat nor be vegetable for life... and yes I do Love you ...so much... but you have to let me go if the surgery gets down to failure...now,come give me a kiss and close your eyes while you do that...*tearing*

I don't want to watch next episode can?

I'll need an empty bucket you know...

P.S. After I have stopped living in denial,I realised that I'm strong coz' I'm living with the pain without you...

2 years passed.

2009-06-05T06:52:00.002+08:00

''They Say Time Heals All Wounds, It Doesnt. All It Does Is Make The Pain Easier To Live With And Some How Down The Track We Stop Looking For Him And You Realize That You Will Always Love Him And It Will Always Hurt But You Have To Move On.No One Can Ever Replace The Happiness I Have Once Shared With Him...''

P.S. I can't sleep..I wish i'm living in the fridge now..

The Mishap.

2009-06-04T06:50:00.011+08:00

Got a bad news from Izzul.

Ahmad me with an accident.

Being a workhaholic,I have only yesterday to go visit him after my day shift.

Off to NUH after work with Kak Midah & Jasmine.

Aww..poor thing Ahmad..

Both hands fractured and he showed a picture of his open wound..man..it was gawry!

But we were overall glad that he is doing absolutely fine and there is no head injury during the mishap.

Ahmad looks drowsy though.

The effect of Pethidine.

Get well soon buddy and you don't need ITE student nurses to feed you like Ah peks!

Hmm..I wonder how it feels to be assisted in toilet needs since both hands is immobilize..lol..

You better be good and behave hor..lol

And this workhaholic is super exhausted.Superwoman needs to sleep now...ZzzzZZ.

That Powerful...

2009-06-02T20:48:00.002+08:00

It took me this much effort,this long and this many heartbreaks to just try to forget and get over you....and I still miss you....

I just woke up from a very long nightmare.I just realize how much times i've used....almost 2 years i think?

I no longer wants to live in denial.I know it is you i have deep in my heart no matter what...no more guys as replacement of you no more love as a substitute for your love.I have to accept the fact that it is YOU i have in my heart and no one else.

Enough of being a liar to myself.
I know I will not have you in my life but I want to be honest with myself and not hurt myself again and again by making myself vulnerable to all those guys.I want to be that happy,carefree,beautiful lady that i always wanted to be.

Oh geez..working again tomorrow morning after one day of rest??I am a superwoman indeed..lol

Workhaholic.

2009-05-30T05:11:00.002+08:00

Did i tell you my roster sucks?
Yes it sucks.
I have no life.
I'm officially a workhaholic!
Damn my supervisor.

Doesn't mean i'm a single lady i have all the time only for work lor...
I have frens and family too ok..
Idiot!

Thankfully i'm smart enough to try find sometime to be as close as possible with my family...
But seriously,I have no time left for frens...so sad.

I'm waiting for my leave in August.Hopefully I could ketchup with them.Miss them loads.

And I have recovered from my Flu.Thank god.
Back to work!

Flu-ing away.

2009-05-21T14:57:00.003+08:00

I am down with flu.
Feeling very very weak but i didn't wanna take MC.
Reason being i don't want to make my IDIOT supervisor change my shift from 2 shifts to 3 shifts.
Every of my day shifts for the past days was hell hectic...
But syukur alhamdulilah that i am able to complete my tasks properly even tho' at times I just feel like giving up and go home...haiz..
I just hate superiors who are bias!!!

Everyday for the past days,I just went home straight and fall on my bed til' the next morning when i'm due for my next day shift...What a life...!

And

Did i told you that Zal called me the other day coz' he says he tot of me when he was watching video of the Malaysian Singer,Ella..? It reminded him of me...I was like ..what the heck?? or is it you just call me just to have good relation with me and then you can slowly tk advantage of me and hurt me again and again?? Get lost!I already told you that treat as if I'm dead..I hate myself for being too nice to him...I still can talk to him like there's nothing wrong...*slapsmyhead* But seriously I have no more feelings for that jerk!

Even tho' Mus took advantage of me financially..at the very least he treats me well...he cares for me and even tho' I have made it clear to him that i wanted to end things off with him,he still calls me every other day to check on me and make sure i'm alright...

Haiz...some people just treat-'' hurting others'' as their hobby I guess...

P.S. I notice that the more I try to get away from all these guys and forget about Love at the moment,the more these guys is trying to cum back to me.....fortunately,I am stronger than yesterday... :)
Imma keepon being a workhaholic...and keepon givin me love to ma family and loved ones.

Apologies.

2009-05-18T17:33:00.003+08:00

Apologies to Someone .
Actually it wasn't him who didn't acknowledge my Birthday wish ..
it is just the crappy MSN..
So sorry bout my last post...
It's my bad.

P.S. I think i'm falling sick..my throat feels sore and my nose is starting to run....tsk tsk..

All about May.

2009-05-17T17:47:00.005+08:00

Wow..it's been long since i last posted.Work has kept me busy and i am not complaining.I am just hating the fact that i am working here and not somewhere else.I'm still pressing on til' next year June...Pls make the time move faster!

Anyways Shoutout to all May Babies!
Someone(13 May),Mus(14 May), Kak Wati (14 May),Kak Midah (26 May).
Happy Birthday to you all..I have already wish ya'll personally but someone just wouldn't even acknowledge it..hmm dunno if he got it or not..well watever la..No worries and cheers!
Mr Mus is as usual missing me and going missing always..hahah!!Oh boy,you are already 3o this year! hahah!
I had a girl's night out with Kak Wati (cuzzin) on the night of her Birthday.Just the two of us.I'm glad she is happy.
And as for my Kak Midah aka My Kuku..still thinking of what i should get for her... hmmm...
That's all about Birthday stuffs.

P.S. I'm having a pimple breakout....help!!!

I'm focused.

2009-05-10T09:38:00.001+08:00

I feel so much calmer nowadays.Never think about people who don't deserve to be thought about.Never bothers about others who won't appreciate.And for sure...I am not looking for Love now...Coz' when you seek for it,you'll bump into the wrong ones..True Love comes by without having to be searched for...

I am glad and thankful to god for giving me the chance to change my life before it is too late...I feel more focused with my life and for sure i know where i am leading my life to now...Syukur Alhamdulilah...

And the people who have been so caring about me is my Elder Bro,Mom & Dad...plus my Kak Midah(close colleague) & my close cuzzin...from now on,these people should have my ultimate attention and Love...

To all my guy frens or girl frens out there...I'm sorry if I have not been answering your calls or ignored your msgs..I am trying to be more focused in my life for now...Hope you guys understand.

Happy Mother's Day.

2009-05-09T19:11:00.002+08:00

A very Happy Mother's Day to all mommys wherever you are.You all have been great!

Mom,

you are the Love of my life...no love is as pure and sincere as your Love.I can never thank you enough for all the sacrifices you've made all these years.You are Extremely-Strong,Undeniably-Loving,Unbelievably-patient,SuperDuper-responsible,Incredibly-polite and surely-Sweet!!No words could describe you actually.You are my Superwoman...I love you,Mom.You've been doing great in taking care of me & Bros...We all Love you..*hugs & Kisses*

P.S. I hope you like the mini humble celebration we had just for you.

The Uninvited.

2009-05-08T22:17:00.000+08:00

Me and my girl colleagues went to catch a movie.We saw ''The Uninvited.'' We initially wanted to watch the Wolverine(aka my boyfie)haha..but one of my colleague already watch it and so we went from Plaza Sing to Woodlands to catch The Uninvited.We bought the 2330hrs movie tixs.It's been so long since I got a chance to go out with my girls..miss them so much...! I'm sorry I was too busy giving my attention to certain people who don't deserve it! I'm back to who I am now...That Sweet girlfren that you all Love....*hugs*

Well well well....the movie is good.Good story twist.And I think I let out a loud scream in one of the scene...Geez ...my heart almost got out from my jaw ok!!haha...not that horrifying but good storyline.I rate it 7/10.

P.S. We gonna have a movie marathon on Tuesday...yeay!!I

Early Morning happenings.

2009-05-07T06:04:00.000+08:00

The Condominium Security Guard Mats is not bad-looking eh..?? Smile so sweetly at me and ask for my contact no. sumore! And bonus point is He calls me Ma'am....!!! hahahahha!!Cute kan?? lol...But whatever la...I just find you cute lor but i'm not interested in anything more than that..I'm Single but not interested....hahah!

Then when I took the cab,this Chinese cum Malay-fluent speaking Uncle(he is 50 years old) chatted with me throughout the whole journey..So fluent la his malay...he says he like Malay ladies...and I caught him looking at me from the front mirror...I was not wrong to think negatively of him ok...he handed me his number and ask me to call him whenever I am free and he knows that i am only like 23 years old lor!! ...Oh my god..U want to be my sugar daddy isit?? hmm maybe you can be my chauffeur instead..?? hahaha...

Typical guys...*yawns*

ZzzzZZzz......

Towards a brighter light.

2009-05-05T03:43:00.007+08:00

Your Love is confusing me.What is Love to you? You can say Love to anybody like you saying hello...It is really disappointing when someone give Love such a bad name...saying Love to one person and then Love to another person at the same time...?? I don't understand that kind of Love.

Many not-so-nice stuffs has been happening to me.Incident report at work,another fall on the road,got cheated by taxi driver and its all because my mind is not focused! I was too distracted with so many things up in my head.And one of it is Love.

Mom advices me to try forget Love matters for now coz' she feels that it is one major mess up in my head that had caused me to be out of my focus.Mom was really disappointed that I kept getting to know people but it doesnt stays long and truthful.I told mom that ever since I ended things with Someone i have tried my very best to open up my heart but it always fail.I got myself hurt ample times.Mom even told me that deep inside her she could sense that i'm was trying so hard to wipe Someoneout of my mind while trying to get to know new people.And she even told me that until now,she can never sense sincerity in the guys i know compare with Someone & Sham...To her,Someone & Sham are sincere people and their Love was true.She also could see the happiness in my eyes when I was with Someone,she told me I was full of spirit,serene-looking and always wears a smile on my face...And of course hearing all that i just teared...''we are not meant to be..''I said.... And plus they are now happily getting married with the ones made for them...i'm just thankful that I got a chance to know someone like them.

I realized that I have already moved on from Someone but its just that I have failed to stop and think for a moment as I was too eager to move on from the painful past.I just keeps on getting to know people,opens up my heart easily and gets hurt frequently.I was as sincere as can be to all the guys that I fall for but most of them isn't as sincere and some even took advantage of my kindness.Why can't I just remain all by myself and seek inner peace within myself? I think the answer is-I was too afraid to be alone....it is very scary to be alone.I still vividly remembers how my life was just after i ended things with Someone.It is a scary loneliness-so empty.

But now,Loneliness is not so scary anymore coz i have overcome it.Rather than I keep getting hurt,I rather be alone and be focused with my life esp. my career.No more social networking website like Tagged or whatever-Facebook is acceptable for reasons like colleagues and friends.

I will follow what mom has said-To be more focused in my work and life.Getting rid of all the distractions which is not worthwhile.I want to be a better daughter,sister,colleague and friend to everyone around me.

I'm dead serious.

Life's like that.

2009-05-04T12:22:00.000+08:00

People change.Everybody's changing.Only the true ones don't and will remain.Therefore,if you are neglected or feels that you are given cold shoulder by anyone,just take a deep breath and tell yourself-you are glad you are not like them.

Slowly move away from them coz' u don't want yourself to be the unwanted props in the scene.Although disappointing,it is at the same time fulfilling.They don't deserve you in the first place and it is their loss.And as for you,you have lesser people to take care of. One day they will realize and only then it is too late for them.This is life.

Not My Day.

2009-05-03T05:43:00.000+08:00

It was not a good night.It started with having to see my manager's face.Then I know my assignments is gonna be tough coz' she basically hates me so much.Expected.Everyone has 1 patient to nurse except me.I have 2 patients to nurse.One is intubated,with EVD and stuffs and the other is this spoilt bratl who is super-annoying and irrtating! I feel like slapping her bloody face!I am always known to be very patient and loving towards kids but not this timel!Then,I have to pass over to this senior staff nurse who is very strict.I unluckily overlook my 2am oral medicines and didn't administer it.She reported straight to my superior.Expected.Incident report.Wrote quickly and handover to my superior.Luckily my this particular superior is a very nice person.My foul luck doesn't end there.After work i decided to treat my whole family at home with Macdonald's Breakfast.Bought 5 sets of breakfast and hail a cab home.While I was carrying the loads of food,I got up from the cab and wanted to alight.I then tripped and fell on my knees.Oh god..I feel like crying but I hold it back...these are just minor obstacles of my life journey.Insya Allah,tomorrow will be a better day.

Your Charming 16.

2009-04-30T11:32:00.000+08:00

Bro turns 16 today.Your beloved Sister is wishing and praying for your well-being always.May you have lots of fun,happiness,good health & Love always.Study hard and excel in your studies.Lesser computer games,soccer & ''lepakings'' sessions please! Your N level is coming.Pls buck up and work it on alright.And I know you will surely Love my gifts.You better appreciate it coz' you are just one Lucky guy to have such a generous sister like me lor! *smile with tongue out*
Enjoy your day,Bro.

Happy For You.

2009-04-25T18:27:00.007+08:00

I was browsing tru' facebook and i suddenly saw my Ex,Azhar just got married.

I know that he told me several months back after our break up that he is getting married in 2009 but we lost contact after i changed my number.

And there i saw his wedding photos in facebook...

They look stunning... :)

May you have an everlasting and blissful marriage...Have the juniors soon aite...!! hehe!

And next year,i think Someone and Sham is getting married...hehe....aww.. i'm happy for you guys...

And as for Me..?? I'm getting married to Dubai/Saudi/Bahrain next year ..insya allah......lol.

Your Leave.

2009-04-24T16:12:00.000+08:00

You may leave.I won't stop you.I'm disappointed accompanied with many other feelings like hurt,crushed,broken, etc.I'm needing a break from all of these.Just so you know that I have always been trying my best to make you happier & better but you are just not seeing it.Pointless.

I'm sorry if you think I have let your pride down as a guy.No intentions of it at all.God knows.You can continue with what you have been doing.Keep giving everything up so easily,Keep giving people who Loves you hope and crushed them,Keep running away from your problems,Keep letting your past haunt your future.Keep doing it and we shall see how happy you are gonna be.

You take care.

P.S. I'm always wishing and praying for your better.

Signing off,

Your Evil cum Cruel Nur.

Total Disappointment.

2009-04-23T11:43:00.000+08:00

Do you think i deserve this kind of treatment from you? I may be too obliging and empathetic towards people I love,but that doesn't mean that you can make use of me!

I have been sacrificing so much for you and even to the the extend of having to put up with my own embarassment of having to approach someone to help me so that I could help you!There goes my pride.I have never ever did that and that was my first time doing it- just because I sincerely wanted to help you so much! I even told you I had to use my own expenditure for food!I am not a calculative person,trust me-you can ask the people around me-I just feel like it is getting way too far.You keep telling me about your problem whenever we have conversations.You keep telling me you are feeling so stressed up.You keep telling me that and telling me this..and almost all of it is relating to $$$.Tell me how am I not curious about how sincere you are befriending me..??? Sometimes I wonder if there is even Love for me in the first place!!

And when I question you about this,you just blow your top and accused me of saying you are a materialistic person when all i want is just to question your sincerity...!So much for sacrificing in the name of Love...this what i get out of it all...thanks.

I kinda see the reasons behind it all...

It hurts me deep down.You'll know how it feels when one fine day you know what is the feeling of sacrificing for someone you really Love.

P.S. Stop asking for my acct no.coz' I have helped you sincerely and I don't expect a return.I just need you to appreciate.Not by uttering words of appreciation but by feeling it with your heart.

I'm not gonna disturb you anymore coz' I know you won't even want to talk to me ever again.I'm speechless too.You tk good care of yourself for me.Don't let people hurt you or make use of you.I would Love to see a sincere smile on your face one fine day.I'll be happy for you.

So peaceful.

2009-04-20T19:26:00.001+08:00

I feel so peaceful when i look at both of them sleeping soundly.I have just settle down tucking them in to sleep.After they recited some prayers,they fall asleep so easily..I just smiled looking at them sleeping so soundly.

I have to wake up early tomorrow.Think i'm going to be a bit busy from tomorrow onwards.Working hard and also to distract me from certain things.

P.S. I keep seeing you in the beautiful picture of my future happiness....whatever la..i have like 3-4 years to earn lots of money to make me a happy person in my future..So it is too early to think about family...geez..lol

A Nurse to a Babysitter.

2009-04-20T12:05:00.000+08:00

Today I woke up at 12 noon.So tired after yesterday.I cleaned my house thouroughly while my mom cook my favorit dish-Mee Soto. Actually,it wasn't meant for me but for my niece and nephew.I will be taking care of them for today.Their mom needs to run some errands and i volunteered to babysit them since today is my off day.

Gonna pick them up from school which is like few metres away from my house and then wash them up clean.Made them have a good dinner,watch a bit of tv,check if they have any homework to be done and guide them tru' it,talk and chit-chat with them for awhile and if they are tired,will tuck them in to sleep. :)

I have to sleep early too coz' I have to work day shift tomorrow.Mom will help me send them to school tomorrow since i have to get out from the house as early as 0515hrs.Gonna prepare their favorit Omelette sandwiches for them to bring to school tomorrow.

Ok ok..I know I sounded like a mom with two kids...! Just that a Loving Hubby is not in the picture now...lol...if there is a husband figure in the picture,it would be better... I'll probably not sleep so early after the kids is asleep *wink wink* lol...sorry i get too carried away...haha

P.S. Today is gonna be a better day...

Short JB trip.

2009-04-19T21:27:00.000+08:00

Just reached home from my short JB trip.I was working today.But then my kuku(close colleague) decided to make a crazy plan.Off to JB without much thought.We ate ayam penyet and met up with her sister who lives in JB to do some ketchup.Once tummy is filled and we are contented,we went home.Tired but all smiles.

Oh geez..I'm working another 3 more shifts before i have my weekends off.So draggy.Can i please just have the weekends off and not work...?? i wish lor...And i'm having plans with my Good fren,Zal on saturday..haha..we probly gonna watch Movie and then head up to fish with some of his frens and a new fishing mate which according to him is a skillful young lady..Oh my...i'm so gonna be inspired by her and probly could ask her for useful fishing tips ;) I want to catch a fish so badly!! *pouting lips*

P.S. I am feeling a bit better today but some things towards the end of the day just makes me lose the calm mood i have throughout the day...but its okay..tomorrow is gonna be a better day...As long as I know what i am doing and what is wrong and right..i just don't have to be bothered by all these people.

Beautiful Memories.

2009-04-18T19:15:00.000+08:00

I was browsing tru' all the pictures while listening to all my favorit songs.I teared & smiled when I look at those pictures. It was indeed a beautiful sight.

Not too worry.I just need some time to get over things.I know we are good frens now.And just as much as you don't want to lose me,I don't want it too.

Tomorrow,I will be a more inspired person.I will get out from my room and head out to do what i am suppose to do.Work hard and play hard :)

Reaching for my star.

2009-04-18T09:27:00.000+08:00

Life is meant to be challenging for some of us.And no one in this world could escape from having problems in our everyday life.We are thought to be wiser with every challenges and problems that comes in our way with each time that passes us by.Sometimes we learnt,sometimes we don't.Don't regret on it coz' there is always reasons why it happens.

I was all alone at home today.My family went out for grocery shopping.I have always been the one who would follow my parents out but not today.I was feeling not too well and needed to rest so much.Told my mom that i don't feel like going anywhere today and went back to sleep.When i woke up,i feel so empty suddenly...but i expected this feeling.A lot of things happened yesterday.It was a mixed feeling.But i'm glad everything was settled there and then.

I'm feeling better now.My vision now is about me,myself and I.I really promised to myself that i'm going to concentrate on my career and my future.I will let matters of the Heart to rest.Let my heart heal slowly.It is about time I rise up and reach for the star!! :)

P.S. It feels empty but it is not hurting... :) I'll get better in time....

Crushed Hopes.

2009-04-15T11:48:00.000+08:00

My tears aint gonna stop now..my heart is breaking and breaking again into pieces....

Dear god,
this is not the first time that my hopes are being crushed.And i still never learnt from the past.I still give my heart to someone who can potentially break me into pieces.What wrong have i done to all these people...i wana know my mistakes...coz i tot' i have given tender loving care to them and cherish them more than my own life...what signs does all this hurt indicates....??*sob sob*
I need a shoulder to cry on now....I really need it...so so hurt...so so broken inside...it's gonna be a wet wet night....coz' i'm sleeping on my wet pillow...wet blanket and wet bolster....
*choked*
Nitez..

So Low.

2009-04-14T11:46:00.000+08:00

I decided to take a different route home from work today.I just feel like having a slow & long journey home.I was in my deep thoughts throughout the whole journey home..it felt so mellow...I want to go out of Singapore and work in Dubai..not that i hate Singapore,just wanna have time off from here and explore the other side of the world and earned good money.

Dear Allah,pls make the time go faster...

Distant & Distance.

2009-04-13T11:45:00.000+08:00

I don't know when the tags was sent to her.But I don't blame you if you really love her coz' Love can't be forced or lead.It may be just a tag.But it does have a meaning.Don't worry coz' i will never blame you...I have no rights over you.I totally understand that you and her are just Mama & Papa on the net and you guys may just be frens.But as a lady who loves somebody,she will eventually feel hurt when she sees someone she Love gets real close and intimate with another lady...Like i said,you have all the rights to Love anyone you want to.I'm not angry or anything.Probably just jealous & hurt.But again i said,i'm no one to get jealous of you over someone else.I have no right to.I'm actually angry and hurt with myself coz' i Love a person too much.I should Love myself more.I realized that my heart is not that hard to go tru' all of it.It has been hurt too much.Pls don't feel guilty over anything alright.This is nature of Life.We never run out of complicatedness,problems,hurt and misunderstandings.I don't want to be a hinder for you to fall for anyone that is probably meant for you...
Dear Diary,
It just hurt me to see or to know someone you Love is showing Love to someone else.My tears just rolled down my cheeks when i saw the tags on her profile.It hurts to know someone who says LOVE to you saying it to someone else.I know this kind of things is gonna happen especially with my complicated status.I'm aware of the risk i'm putting on myself.Everytime I meet him and spent my time with him,I feel that i am special to him but when i see photos or Loving words of him and her,I feel hurt.Maybe I should just keep a distance and not let myself fall for him further coz' everytime he stares into my eyes,my Love just adds on...and being a girl,you will be in a miserable position to Love somebody who isn't yours to begin with...*teary*
Oh Allah....
I believe in fate and i have strong faith...if we r meant to be..we will be..insya allah..if we r not...I'm accepting it with an open heart...
P.S. I'm getting impatient to go Dubai/Saudi Arabia to work..maybe i could find more peace there.

Been & Back.

2009-04-13T11:43:00.000+08:00

Been & back from my Terengganu family trip.Awesome.Each of my family members had loads of fun.We felt happy as a family.Same goes with my Cuzzie's family.Both of our family was the most 'kecorable.'We had loads of fun,crap,camwhoring & food!!Though the journey took half of our life,haha! we are happy that we get to enjoy watching all the latest Malaysian Movies like Anak Halal,Cinta U-turn etc.Out tour guide is cute! Well, i'm just attracted to his smile for awhile although he is like my dad's age! lol.But after the 2nd day,my infatuation for him just vanished ..lol!
The 2nd day of the trip was tiring.We went to many places which i'm not so fancy about.We went to visit the famous Batik-production place,Nur Arfah Batik.Then,we head to Pasar Payang,the places where the people like our Moms would love...! Sigh...We check-in to our Grand Continental Hotel at about 2pm.We showered,refreshed ourself and headed to Masjid Kristal for our next destination.I so love this place! It is simply gorgeous!My uncle did alot of fun shots here in courtesy of his Olympus SLR camera.We have loads of fun here! We even have ice-cream session!My uncle's treat! Yum yum..We had buffet dinner at Permai Inn's hotel.Fine dining restaurant.Good food.Sedap!Finally we head back to our hotel and Zzzz..
Woke up at 6am on the 3rd day,all ready by 7am for our buffet breakfast.The food was average.Then we are all ready for our Resort destination.Awana Kijal Beach & Spa resort.We headed for the Keropok Lekor stall.Yummy..sedap...syiok! Bought some Keropok Lekor and then off we go to Kijal.Once we reached the resort we are like so excited! Beautiful place.we feel so relaxed.Just by looking at the gorgeous scenery,i feel so calm and peaceful.Arrhh..i wish i could live here and not be back here in Singapore where life is so stressful! geez!We went swimming in the swimming pool,went sight seeing on the beautiful beach but was not allowed to swim as there is a red flag indicating it is not safe to swim coz' it is the South China sea and not well protected.We really had loads of fun here at the resort.Everyone was all smile and laughter...!We had buffet Dinner here before we went exploring on the resort.The 12 of us was so happy that night tho' we felt quite tired.At about 11pm,we went in to our rooms and my other cuzzies crashed into our room and watched lake placid 1 & 2 shown on star movies while we munch on our late night snacks! By about 1am.We all went flatt..Zzz..
On the final day,woke up at 6am and had our buffet breakfast.We are all ready for check-out at 10am.So sad to leave Awana.But kinda miss Singapore actually.Erm..missing someone so much too...i'm glad and thankful my family and i are back in Singapore safely.
Do look out for the pics.

With a Heavy Heart.

2009-04-08T12:23:00.000+08:00

Tomorrow i will be off to Terengganu for awhile.I should be happy but i wasn't feeling that way.My heart is heavy to leave for a holiday even tho' i have been wanting to get out from here to de-stress.Is it becoz i got lots of things up my head..? I don't want to think too much...but when ur head is in a mess,you wont feel at ease right? Make sense right..?

Gonna be working later.Gonna be home tomorrow morning.Gonna leave for Terengganu at bout 9pm.I still havent get my stuffs ready.I just dump everything on the sofa and i think i will pack tomoro before i leave the house?? rushing? I don't care.

Pray for my family's safe journey to and fro ya.

Drag for work.

2009-04-07T11:52:00.000+08:00

I'm dragging to go to work.If not becoz of my motivation to nurse my poor patients,I would just call for an E-leave.

Oh god....

P.S I miss you...

Departures.

2009-04-06T21:35:00.000+08:00

I'm back from a movie trip with Zal.We saw 'Departures'.Unique storyline i must say.Very teary towards the end of the movie coz' it is so sad ok...I can't hold back my tears lor.. Zal saw me teared and laughed at me... hmm..he also wanna cry i know...he just acted cool...! lol.So peeps,go and watch it aite...! Thumbs up!

Well.....i really don't know what is wrong with me nowadays...I guess i'm just stressed out mentally,physically,financially and whatever-ly ...I hope i can de-stress during my Terengganu trip...

P.S I'm hurting inside but i don't mind if it's gonna take for as long as i live...

I wanna get out from here.

2009-04-04T21:57:00.000+08:00

I have been so stressed out for the past few days.Feels like my skull almost burst.Work was super busy yesterday.I'm so pissed off with my superior.I wonder where her brain has gone to??? Can't you even assess how critical is the patient.You don't just any-oh-how assign people to nurse two heavy cases ! I find you very biased and you are not suitable to even be the superior! Idiot. Even though it is not me whom you are assigning the patients too,it is my colleague that you are being biased with.Poor thing my senior kakak.Luckily i was done with transfering my patient up and could help ease her workload abit.Some people are just brainless,heartless and whatever-less la! If you think you wanna be biased,get lost!

I hate working in this type of environment.seriously.I just can't wait for my bond to end.I'm so gonna get out from there.

I'm going to Terengganu on Thursday night but i simply can't find time to pack and prepare my stuffs...Oh geez! Work has taken a toil on me.Any kind soul can help me pack my stuffs???Think is about time I take my mind off Singapore.Terengganu,here we come.

P.S. I dind't know skinned knees are so painful..been tolerating with the pain for like several days already..But i still think skinned knees are easier to nurse than a broken heart. Get well soon to Dearest-Me....

The Fall.

2009-03-31T18:15:00.000+08:00

I had a great fall.*sob sob* I was rushing to hail a cab to meet mom for our threading session...I suddenly tripped over something and fell on the road surface. Ouch...blood was oozing from the injurt site...my skin was tore by the super rough surface of the road... arrghh..wanted to cry but i was all alone..must be strong and act cool la...i got up...apologize to the taxi uncle that i have to rush home to change my pants.I called mom and told her i will be slightly late..I got changed,hailed a cab and headed to little India to meet mom..showed her my knees and she was shocked.She said it looks scary...hmm...maybe it's the blood that keeps oozing..i cleanse my wound with normal saline and pressed a few gauze over it to give a bit of pressure.What an unlucky day.And i have to start work tomoro...how irritating...!

Love for Money or Money for Love?

2009-03-30T22:14:00.000+08:00

Alhamdulilah my sore throat and rashes have somewhat recovered.sigh~ after so long of being at home i will be back to resume work on wednesday night.Only several more days to my Terengganu trip...sigh~ i'm gonna be broke!spent a bomb on the trip itself..but i don't mind coz' i have always wish for a family trip.I just have to work a bit more harder the following months :(

In the midst of our economic crisis today,i randomly thought that money is very essential...it plays vital role...sometimes i wish i was born to a rich family or be married to a rich husband..but isn't it not as ineresting as my life now coz now i have to work my ass out to get money and try every way possible to save up here and there...? interesting huh? yup...and hell it was tough ok...So,if i already am a rich girl,i would only be at home,wasting my precious time doing manicure,pedicure and whatever i can cure rite..?? lol..boring huh..?

But money is undeniably important as it keeps us going...going and going and going for more...it motivates us to work..work harder..harder and hardest....See what money can make us do huh..?

However,i still have that conventional thinking that money can't buy Love...we can find money but we can never find Love with money...it will stick that way for as long as humans remains as humanly as they are supposed to be...personally, i think money can be worked out...really.I came from a very poor family background to the extend that my dad only has 1 ten cent coin and few 5 cents coins in his pockets when me and bros were like 8-9 year old..we squeezed our tummy for a day just to wait for Dad's payday...we learnt the hard way...but even so,we are so in Love and united as a family...we cry and laugh together...and to me that is the greatest value of life...LOVE

And it is always out of Love for someone that we do something.Especially if it is someone's GENUINE needs.

Love is the ultimate reason for everything i do.Even tho' i have the least of what is wanted most by someone that i love,i would give it all to the someone coz' its just about LOVE.

Just don't give Love a bad name.

Oh you can call me a passionate cum Lovey-Dovey girl~I don't care.

Not too well..

2009-03-29T14:42:00.000+08:00

I'm not at a well state to continue on my exercise regime..sigh...I don't want to get Myocarditis if i continue with my regime..I think i need to have a break for now..will resume once i'm recovered..my throat is sore...my neck rash is bad..been bunning up my hair,applying moisturisers,taking Chlopheniramine tablets but still to no avail...Kak Midah asked me to go to the doc to get my Promethazine Jab...hmm..will think of it first..see if its getting any better by tonight...Haiz...

Tomorrow i will be accompanying my cousin sister to the court regarding my cousin bro in law's case...hope she is gonna be fine...and hope everything is gonna be fine.I'm actually thankful that people trusts me alot...even my cousin bro in law trust me alot...i'm only 22 yrs old and yet he says that i'm very matured in thinking and could guide my cousin sister who is like 30 years old??? hmm...i feel so old... whatever it is...i just think that if you do things with an open heart,people will trust and believe in you...Actually,i just sympathized with my niece and nephews..i hope the kids are doing fine...Qistina,Qusyairi,Qarin,Qaiser&Qadri,Auntie Yati will always pray for all of your well-being k...pls study hard and be a respectable person when you grow up.Insya Allah.Amin~

I will be resuming work on Wednesday.Woah..its been long..! I miss all my cute patients! I hope all of you are back home,well,healthy and happy...Sometimes i feel like i want to have a kid all for myself...i yearn for that feeling...can i adopt?? hehe...at least i wont feel lonely..i have baby crying,baby giggling,baby talking etc..all at the comfort of my own house...hmm..but my parents will not like the idea... they said that why must i adopt if i can have my own kids and build a family??? haiz...they don't know that Love is complicated and hurtful nowadays...adopting a kid is a bypass to all the problems of relationship...hehehe! I want to escape i think...yes,it is scary esp if you've been hurt so badly by ur past...but actually...to think of it...i'm thankful i have bad experiences in my past coz' it makes me a better person today...but the fear of getting hurt again is undeniably strong still...coz u know how painful it is. haha ok..i think i'm so random in my post here....this is the cause of being drowsy after i took my Chlopheniramine tablets..hehe..i better go before i blabber further.. Gd Day peeps...!

I cherish moments with you.

2009-03-28T00:04:00.000+08:00

I have so many updates to post...Gosh..its only 2 or 3 days of break from blogging and i'm having so many updates lor.Ok ok...First & foremost...I finally went night fishing with Zan... :) so so fun and i'm all smiles. I truly enjoyed myself and learnt quite a number of stuffs on fishing from my fishing mentor himself,Zan. :) And i miss him so much...when i finally got to see him,I was like....arrgghh...I want to hug u so much!!!! But i hold back and don't want to give him the impression that i don understand him in wanting us to just be friends first... haiz..life is tough...Niways,not so lucky during first few hours of fishing but at about 12am..the fish keeps on hooking to Zan's bait...so exciting!!!! In total he caught 5 fish!! I caught nothing :( but Zan being as sweet as he always is,gives me 2 big fish to bring home!! sweet right? :) Bring home and showed mom.Mom was happy to see the big fish and asked me to thank Zan personally :) And did i tell you that Zan has good voice...he sang Seribu Tahun and i have it recorded.I watch the video whenever I feel like i miss him so much :( it's hard missing and loving a friend you know.... :( In summary,it was a wonderful night.Will upload the photos after i get permission from Zan ok.

And today,is Bestie's Bday.I just got home from the Bar and I couldn't sleep coz I miss him..so here i am blogging and listening to his voice :) Anyways,we had Seoul Garden for dinner and head down Clarke Quay to chill at the bar.Not into all this Bar thingy coz I don touch alcohol and the only thing i can drink is fruit punch and coke..coke?? I don't take fizzy drinks..and so i had fruit punch and i was really restless throughout coz' my neck got a bad rash.I head back home early.I hope bestie enjoyed herself.Happy Bday to you Bestie.I Love you always.I will upload photos soon.

Now...im washed and cleaned and on my bed with my lappy.I thought i wanna hear his voice before i sleep but poor thing he is already asleep.I put lotion on my neck and popped in 2 tablets of Chlopheniramine.I hope my rash is goona be better when i woke up later.Good Night everyone.It is now 4am 28 March 2009.

P.S. I Love you,I Miss you but I understand you.

Hungry but Wary.

2009-03-25T00:11:00.000+08:00

Its already 3:45am.I went to bed at about 1:30am with the hope of falling asleep as soon as i put my head on the pillow.But it seems that i can't.I don't even know the reason why.I woke up and drink a glass of water.Switched on my room's TV and watch MIO TV.Not so interesting programmes on it.Switched off and here i am blogging. Oh geez...I have too much sleep in my Annual Leave i guess.But not true also coz' i always sleep late and wakes up early.What is on my mind really..???

yes..i miss him...but i could sleep the other night though i know i miss him...so what could be the reason why i can't sleep..??? oh yes finally...i'm hungry!!! lol...damn my tummy is growling..i only ate apple for dinner on the hope that i could kickstart my diet regime. And so I get up and ate Mee soto without the Mee just to make me feel better...only eat the soup and chicken lor.

Arrhh..now i feel good and nice..I can sleep peacefully...before i sleep....i'm gonna do 50 crunches just to make myself feel better....haha..i am paranoid...i know..but i don't care..i damn need to lose weight..! I miss being lighter as i was 2 years ago...i'm so not gonna binge again just becoz of a guy or a failed relationship.Enuf is enuf.I so Love myself ok.Working out to turn me into this picture:

A New Me.

2009-03-23T12:46:00.000+08:00

In the midst of seeking inner peace within me,I realizes and learnt something about myself that i wish to improve on.My over-sensitive feelings and insecurities. I think that no one can ever tolerate for long if i myself never want to try to improve on it.I try to put myself in the other party 's shoes and realizes that it is freakin' irritating to have a partner like me.Haha..really.I realized.It is ok to be sensitive on selective issues but on some issues like Love,Love is just too strong for anything else esecially my sensitivity and insecurities.

I want to be a new,improved me.I want to be more rational and a positive thinker in overall.I will not let my past experience haunt my present and assume that everyone is the same.I want to learn more about people and analyze them at my own pace of thinking.I want to be confident of my own self and let go of my insecurities.I can still be sensitive but not overly-sensitive.And yes,when i am slowly improving myself with time,Insya Allah Love will come by naturally and with a bonus point that i'm a better person with time.Then only,Love can be a lifetime for me..Insya Allah.

P.S. I want to seek inner peace at a continuous rate :)

Inner peace.

2009-03-22T00:18:00.000+08:00

I think i'm just messing up my own life...

Everyday,things just got messier...

I feel down most of the time and only happy for just a moment...

I don't want to think about Love....

I don't want to think about Love.....

I don't want to think about Love ever again....

My heart is damaged...

Damaged.....

I just wanna make myself better and improve myself with everyday that passes by.

Seeking peace within me..

Missing you.

2009-03-21T05:50:00.001+08:00

I'm really missing him..Everytime I feel like talking to him either by MSN or SMS i take a step back coz' i'm well aware of where i stand..and afraid that i might be such an irritating pest to him...I think the best now is for me to just do my own things...if he really needs me or still Loves me he will for sure show some initiative....if he doesn't,I should just try my best to put the Love away...Don't want to be hurt further...or perhaps don't want to risk my heart and hurt it again and again...

Well,my annual leave is here...gonna be spending most of my time at home...I want to stay in the comfort of my nestling...

Recovering from Migraine and Flu.

2009-03-18T22:13:00.002+08:00

Migraine,Flu has been with me for the past days.
But Alhamdulilah i'm recovering from it after i took some medicines prescribed by my workplace Doctor.
I hate to fall sick coz' it makes me feel weak and down.
And when i feel down i would shut myself away from the outside world.
The only thing that will help me update on the outside world is only when i go to work.
And oh yes,
bout' me and Zan.We are just friends alrite.That is what he wants and thinks that its the best.
I thought so too.
And as days goes by i could see that he is not suitable for me coz' i admit that i'm a person who is very sensitive and insecure and it would be hard for him to be with someone like me.Well, i regret saying to him in the first place that i don't mind him having lots of friends coz' I tot its just casual frens.But as days progresses i find that he got loads of girlfrens and is quite ''manja'' with him.I truly am not comfortable with that.
At the end of the day,the root cause is that we don't know each other much.
Lucky thing we stopped quickly.
It was hard for me initially to let him go coz' i have strong feelings for him but i'm glad i finally did.
He told me he Loves me still.
but i think it will fade off with time by looking at the distance we have bewteen us now.
Yes,I am heartbroken.
But I learnt from it.

Apart from that,I have two more night shifts before I'm having my Annual Leave for one week.
Yeay yeay...! got loads of things to do.Tidy up my messy room,ketchup on my Class 3 license etc.
It's gonna be a fun week.

And then,
Work for few days before I am off to Terengganu on the early April.
Beloved Cuzzies,we shall be reunited soon!
Let's have loads of fun!
I want to get things off my mind!
haha!

Recovering From Flu and Migraine.

2009-03-18T18:51:00.000+08:00

igraine,Flu has been with me for the past days.
But Alhamdulilah i'm recovering from it after i took some medicines prescribed by my workplace Doctor.
I hate to fall sick coz' it makes me feel weak and down.
And when i feel down i would shut myself away from the outside world.
The only thing that will help me update on the outside world is only when i go to work.
And oh yes,
bout' me and Zan.We are just friends alrite.That is what he wants and thinks that its the best.
I thought so too.
And as days goes by i could see that he is not suitable for me coz' i admit that i'm a person who is very sensitive and insecure and it would be hard for him to be with someone like me.Well, i regret saying to him in the first place that i don't mind him having lots of friends coz' I tot its just casual frens.But as days progresses i find that he got loads of girlfrens and is quite ''manja'' with him.I truly am not comfortable with that.
At the end of the day,the root cause is that we don't know each other much.
Lucky thing we stopped quickly.
It was hard for me initially to let him go coz' i have strong feelings for him but i'm glad i finally did.
He told me he Loves me still.
but i think it will fade off with time by looking at the distance we have bewteen us now.
Yes,I am heartbroken.
But I learnt from it.

Apart from that,I have two more night shifts before I'm having my Annual Leave for one week.
Yeay yeay...! got loads of things to do.Tidy up my messy room,ketchup on my Class 3 license etc.
It's gonna be a fun week.

And then,
Work for few days before I am off to Terengganu on the early April.
Beloved Cuzzies,we shall be reunited soon!
Let's have loads of fun!
I want to get things off my mind!
haha!

Don't let it get me.

2009-03-14T14:56:00.002+08:00

I really don't know what has happened to my internal emotions.
It feels weird.
One point I feel so happy and one point I feel so depressed.
And that is what happened between me and Zan (The guy i recently fall for).
We were very happy for first few days of the relationship but the insecurities in me had to spoil everything.
My insecurities which is also equals to my fear, made and triggers my thoughts to resort to negativity.
I hate being insecure.I really do.
That night my high school bestie nudge me in MSN and asked me if am ok.
She said she knows how it feels coz she had been tru' what i have been tru'.
She told me that it is just normal for me to feel insecure coz' of the failures in my past relationship but it should not have control over me.
I must have control over it.
Throughout the conversation she also told me about her past relationship and how it failed becoz' of her insecurities she used to have.
Now,she is more open and accepting of certain things and she admits that her present relationship is so much more happier and fun.
Guys are guys.They will surely have a lot of girl friends but at the end of the day,there is only this one special girl they truly Love.
IF...our partner can't reassure us...we should try reassuring ourself...it will really help.
And i know myself that i'm a person who needs constant reassurance.
I don't know now if Zan will Love me like before after what I have caused to the relationship,
I don't blame him if the Love fades away.I deserve that.
Even though I truly feel hurt that we are only friends now,
At the very least,I learnt something about myself.

Falling into you.

2009-03-06T13:25:00.003+08:00

It has been crazy for the past week.

I went out for a few dates all at my own risk....!

Out of the 3....i can say that they all have different personality.

The first one is a for sure just looking for a fling..but i'm well treated though...

The second one is oh-so-goody-good boy...very handsome looking...very shy2...can sing karaoke really well...but there is no chemistry though...

And this 3rd one is erm.........*smiles* is so my type....

firstly...we have the same vision in life...

secondly...we both had a bad past experience and learning from it...

thirdly...we have the same interest...we both crazily love Fishing!!!

fourthly...we both have each other's dream quality.....

fifthly...we really have chemistry...strong chemistry...

Both of us just fall for each other even before we meet....and when we meet...its just so real...

Just hope it is all gonna be just right..

We gonna take it slow though..we both have had bad experience and dun want to go tru' it once again.....

Falling into you...fallen into you perhaps.....

And oh yes...I finally met Bestie and the rest of the Khakis for our buffet reunion...

It was hell fun...

lotsa food and so much stuffs to talk lor!!!!!!

I love you guys..!

Miss ya'll already....

And to Bestie,

Happy Honeymoon to Tioman with your Fabby Hubby hor.. ;)

Upate of my almost a week absence.

2009-02-27T11:46:00.005+08:00

Wow...I've not blogged since almost a week!

I have been busy.

I went for a 2 days course at my workplace.

My manager sent me for ARC (Acute Resus. in Children) course.

I managed to pass and got myself a ARC trained card.

Alhamdulilah.

And yesterday,

I registered with BBDC for my Class 3 course.

I joined the school course coz' i think it has more pros than cons as compared to a private course.

Thenafter,I went for my first time Facial treatment with Kak Midah at hr fren's place.

I burnt 180 bucks for beauty.

I opted for the Vitamin C treatment.

It took me almost 3 hours for just beauty of my face...!

Sigh....And the outcome of it is this...

Worth it?

hmm i think got glow abit la..

But when i came back home my mom notices the diff.

She was like"Kenape berseri-seri and berkilat eh muke..?? "

LOL....

A starter for the day.

2009-02-23T09:56:00.003+08:00

My night shift went on well last night.
Kak Midah and me went for breakfast at Tekka.
I had prata and she had a plate of rice.
Before going home,I decided to pack rice for my mom and bro at home.
When I reached home,mom was already up and reading newspaper with her coffee.
I told her that i bought her breakfast and with my tired face i walked in and put my bag in my room.
When I came out of my room,I was shocked to see my mom was weeping...
She was weeping and telling me that she knows I have so many problems in my head and that she doesnt want me to keep it to myself.
I acted cool and told her not to cry and that i'm ok.
She asked me about Mus and asked me if Mus have borrowed my $$ all this while...
I was shocked and my heart was pounding..I can't bear to lie to her...
I just nodded and tell the truth...
She then says..no wonder I see that ur always short of $$ even though your pay is good enough for urself..
She then told me that she also suspected that i'm using my savings.
I just told her off that I will handle everything and I don't want her or my dad to get worried.
I'm the one who chose to be with Mus last time and i think i deserve to handle it on my own account.
I shall be responsible for my own mistake.
I'm a person who learnt from my past.
It hurts to see how people can be so unappreciative of you.
At the end of the day,
it is the facts of life.
I have got to face it and be wiser next time.
I sometimes think that why do i keep bumping into the wrong guy?
But Insya Allah,I will meet with the right guy someday.

But it just hurts me so much to see my mom crying out so badly for me...
it hurts me so bad...
So,that was the start of my day today.

Emotionally Attached.

2009-02-22T01:47:00.006+08:00

I just don't know why but i am easily attached to my patients especially if they are just so smart and very chatty.I love them.They can just put a big smile on my face whenever I am feeling down or tired.My patients get attached to me very easily too.Maybe becoz i just love to entertain them and try every way i can to just sit by their side and talk to them.I have always love kids and my mom and relatives knows about it very well.

I always dream of having kids of my own and i wonder how they will be...surely as lovely as all other kids are.

I understand why parents are usually very anxious and over-react when their child is admitted in ICU coz a child is oh-so-precious to their parents.To lose them is a painful and almost an undescribable agony that every parents have to face.Being a nurse and watching them going tru' it is also a painful feeling.We go tru' the painful journey together but at the end of the day,if the kid fails to hold on,we just have to let them go rather than making them suffer even more.

After losing my beloved patient Allahyarham Dzulkifly,,I realized that my emotions are really fragile and i realized that i'm easily attached to kids very easily...But i also have to know that I have to be strong too coz' i can't afford to be too sad if i lost them coz' I'm just their healthcare provider and that i have done what i have to do to the best of my ability.

But not denying the fact that i'm a human with feelings too..I love kids and its okay to cry and be sad when they are gone.Meanwhile,life is short and i have got to cherish every moment i have with all the patients that i truly love....

In Loving memory of my Beloved patient Mohd Nor Dzulkifly.
You are always in my prayers,sweetheart.

Currently,my oh-so-manje patient.My Lil' Justin.
He'll whine adorably if i go just few metres away.
We communicate in English and Mandarin ok coz' he is from China.
He understood me really well hor.That clearly shows my Mandarin not bad wat..!! hahaha!
Guess wat? He calls me Ba-by ok...aww...so cute! But now i taught him to call me Ya-ti Jie-jie.He is getting it.. :) smart guy.