The obstacle.

An incident just happened to me recently...

It is like the most hurting thing that could happen to me..

Bt i dont know why i could forgive that easily???

The only thing i could say is probably the love for him is just too great...and always believing that humans are not perfect..that is what that made me forgave him.

I tend not to concentrate so much on the sadness,coz if i do,i'll just walk away leave everything behind..

therefore i put more focus on the cause..why it happen?what is lacking? what i can do to improve myself ?

Yes i did cry til my most terrible migraine hit me...but i let it out at least.

Felt better thenafter.

But trust me,my hope and trust has broken.

I'm giving him another chance coz i believe in second chance.

Oh god my tears just couldnt stop as i am typing this...

why do u have to do that to me??????

why love????

what sins have i done to u ???

i treated you like ur a king,my parents treated u like their own son...we gave you all the love we have...respect you as you are...but this is what we get in return...???

i did tell u that my heart almost stopped when i found out about it coz i gave you my trust with the hope that you wouldnt break it...but the person whom i tot would not hurt me a bit,hurt me the most....

you told me at that point of time you were frustrated with my behavior,

you think i was very rude towards you...but i never use a single vulgarities on you do u know that?? i am never that kind of girl...you said my words are sarcastically hurtful...yup i am very sarcastic coz' i want you to see the truth...but you doesnt seem to be seeing it...all you do is get mad,talk harshly and make the tiger in me be alive...do u ever realize that both of us are humans...we know what is anger and we react when triggered...i tried my best to be the most polite partner you could ever have but instead the blame you put on me...you said i rebel,yes maybe i did....coz' my soul is screaming silently...i want myself to be heard too...not only i am the one hearing and accepting..its torturing me...i know you are the man,i given u uttermost respect...treated you with oh-so-much LOVE and care...but what did i get?? Broken heart.

We went to the pre marital course and learnt a lot from it...we promise to apply it to our daily lives...to communicate things even if its the ugliest or the worst thing you have to say and share-you still have to communicate...coz' truth does hurts but as human we could improve...but it seems that you didnt really learn syg...you resort to something that broke my heart...even tho' nothing happened between the both of you...but ur actions tells me alot about u...i know you told me that u regretted so much...and that you swear upon god that you will never do it again...but that is not the matter..the matter is whether or not u know what causes it..?? its you my dear..you have to think and think deep before you want to do anything...whether or not it could solve or it could add to your problems..if ur behavior still persist eventho' u swear u wont do it again,the tendency and the probability of you doing it again is still there...this is just minor obstacle,what if the obstacle gets even greater??? i'm sure you will forget ur swear coz u didnt think..u bypass ur brain and go straight to actions.

I could do what u did but becoz' i Think and Think deep whether or not it will solve my problems..i never tot of doing it at all.

And pls...eliminate the bad habits of lying...coz I seriously hate LIARS.

U could lie and no one sees it..But Allah is always watching you.At anytime ur lies will be known to the person u had lied if Allah wants to.

I just hope that we could start afresh coz' you are the one who is so seriously begging me to stay....if i follow my heart and sadness,i'll probably be so far away from you now...now,i will work and try to be the most polite and respectful partner to you and on your part you have to make it up for the trust that was broken...trust can be build...you broke it,you work hard earning it back.

Don't be angry if things are a bit different now...coz naturally it will be...you have to accept the consequences of ur own actions.It all matters to you whether or not u want the difference to be prolong or u wanna work hard and bring things back to the old sweet memories..

I love you still and that is why i am still here looking forward to the day i could officially be your wife...

Meanwhile,i seriously hope we start afresh and work out the flaws.

Yours truly

your wife to be.

Back.

Dear Diary,

I have to apologize for my absence for a fairly long time i must say...I have been very occupied with my life since i met with Muhaimin.He gave me a new hope,new life,new happiness and most importantly a new part of me.
It feels as though i have known him for long but truth is its only been 6 months and we are already on the preparation for our Solemnization in January next year. :) I thank god for that,I couldn't ask for more.It feel so real in this relationship.
We argue,we fight,we cry and we laugh together..we go tru' the odds together and always be there for each other no matter what.. see how blessed i was...

Recently,we do argue quite frequently..I feel hurt too...not be because u hurt me,because of people around and the obstacles that god has given me.... I'm trying my very best to overcome every bit of it...Sometimes all this obstacles influenced my mentality...and made me query...should i or should i not?? Bu i try to find the cause ..and the cause was from myself... coz of my Low Self-Esteem...i freakin' need to lose weight so that i can gain back the confidence and that beautiful curves i once had...i have about 7 more months to go before my big day...
Please do give me the drive and motivation to work on it....oh god pls...it hurts me when someone u really respect says some negative remarks on my body...it really do hurt..but i can accept it...coz i'm gonna be ur daughter in law and i know u says that coz u want me to look at my best... i have to be less sensitive in the future too...Thanks to u that my drive to work on it became stronger..

In my heart,i know i can do it and i know that even tho' i may not score physically,but i did my best in my morale and attitude...plus Muhaimin loves me so much that he couldnt live without me..does that tells me something? Yes,i should marry him coz i can't live without him to...
there was a saying:" Don't marry a person coz u wanna be with him but marry a person coz u cant live without him..." and i truly believe in that...

Oh this is so therapeutic...thank you diary for hearing me out.

Disgusted.

I was nudged by Suzanne in MSN again...

I thank god that i was not meant for him...
Utterly disgusted by him...
In Summary-heartbreaker.

But yeah...its the past...and i believe in KARMA too.
Forgotten about it too.

I have got no time to think about it too..
not worthy.

Random

Lots of things happened.
-Allahyarhamha nenek is resting peacefully now...
-I feel so happy and blessed to be able to meet the most beautiful person in my life-Muhaimin
-2 of my colleagues got engaged at the same day and time ...
-i'm getting fatter aka happier-but i freaking needs to lose weight coz Lovey is not so tall in height..hehe!
-planning for a short vacation to Bandung with my couple in crime... ;)
-Some freaking woman aka Suzanne(someone's EX!) msn me -i freaking dunno for whatever reason..?? wth?lucky thing i was in a movie with love and didnt reply to her msgs..Freako.

blah blah blah.......etc etc...

didn't know 2010 will be an eventful year....still more to come :)

Sad-love moments.

Nenek is critcally ill at NUH's Medical ICU.
For the past week,i have been going to and fro hospital..
Dearest Muhaimin have always been with me tru' bad times...
He picks me up from hospital to home everyday and visited nenek everyday too..
He cried with me even...
I thank god i found him...
And i never fail to pray for nenek's recovery...
Even if its time for her to go,i want her to go peacefully and don't want her to feel any pain...
As a nurse,i maximise usage of my nursing knowledge so as to help be nenek's advocate...
I am the main spokesperson for my nenek coz' i know that i am knowledgeable out of many..
But i still feel helpless when nothing much can be done to help nenek as nenek is very old and has many organ failure...
I took compassionate leave from work coz' i wanna be there for nenek every single day...
I have not been to work for a week and tomorrow i am resuming work...
My mind is still not at ease...
But work is work....
And with all these happening,i can never be thankful enough to have such a supportive partner like my dearest Muhaimin...

I love you like no words can describe...

P.S I love you so much nenek...be strong coz our prayers are always with you..

Back from Hiatus.

Its been awhile since i last blog.
Been quite busy with life-now that i have one more commitment ;)
Things have been going on quite nicely for me...
We fight,we cry,we laugh but we end up loving each other more...
It feels long although we are very new...
Maybe becoz we meet everyday without fail... :)-not complaining though.

I have to adjust to lots of things now that i have you...
it is not an easy transition i must say but i am enjoying every journey of it...
one thing i'm thinking about now is my intention of going Middle East to work...
I know we will suffer if we are separated so faraway from each other...
we will think of a way out to that i hope..
there is few options i could think and it seems that u have no objection to that... :)
But first...
i must start sending CV to them...
you should too :)

And another thing that bothers me is about you and Kak Midah...
you guys just can't seem to get along...
tough one for me...
So weird that both of ya'll not quite like each other even before i get to intro both of u to each other...
hmmm...
well....this is life...problems are bound to be there... :(
gotta face it with an open mind and open heart :)

Your Song To Me.

Whenever I'm weary

From the battles that rage in my head

You make sense of madness

When my sanity hangs by a thread

I lose my way but still you

Seem to understand

Now and forever I will be your man

Sometimes I just hold you

Too caught up in me to see

I'm holding a fortune

That heaven has given to me

I'll try to show you

Each and every way I can

Now and foreverI will be your man

Now I can rest my worries

And always be sure

That I won't be alone anymore

If I'd only known you were there

All the time

All this time

Until the day the ocean

Doesn't touch the sand

Now and forever

I will be your man

Now and forever

I will be your man

Bless this Love.

Thank god I found you.

I miss everything about you and you cried so much while i'm away.

Now that i'm back in your arms.

I am just so thankful that i was given this chance to know you and to love you.

You told me you love me more than yourself.

How touching is that..?

Arrhhhh...tell me how can i not fall for you more each day..?

Even mom and dad is impressed by how responsible you are in picking and sending me home at my doorstep every single time we met.. :)

Oh Allah..pls bless this Love of ours...

Amin~

History-fied.

It was indeed a beautiful place.

No regrets for sure.

Even tho' i have to leave my Ayah back home.

Glad that he understands and never fail to SKYPE every single night with me throughout the 11 days.

I learnt alot about the rich history of Turkey,the culture,religion,people,food and entertainment.

An eye-opener for me.

Turkish guys are especially friendly ;)

And first time experiencing snow!!

And most precious experience is taking a ride on the hot air balloon at Cappedoccia amidst the beautiful cliffs and mountaineous area of the countryside.Breath taking experience.

But i misses Singapore and especially Sambal tumis and cili padi!! I ate Cheese and meat everyday there!! I'm sick of meat & cheese now.haha!

But most importantly I'm back in his arms. :)

Time off.

Now that i am officially on a 3 weeks leave from work!!!!! woohooo!
Stress-free period....
And tomorrow....I will be away....for awhile...
taking my time off to somewhere I have always wanted to be....
Pray for my safe journey to and fro...
And I can't wait to experience the beauty of this place...
Till i'm back in Singapore..
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year people.... :)

P.S. Mama's gonna mish you so so much Ayah....

This Love.

It is hard accepting your flaws..

But it is even harder imagining life without you...

I smile everyday hearing,looking and feeling you...

You smile everyday knowing i'm there for you...

We are afraid of losing each other coz it feels meaningless without each other...

You feel so lost without me by ur side for few minutes..

Oh dear....how can i not Love you more each day..?

You fetch and send me home at my doorstep everytime we meet..

You told me you feel like crying everytime we have to go back home..

Its been so long since i last feel this LOVE i have been wanting...

And both of us are working on it- now that we have it...

May Allah bless our Love...

Love is like a battlefield.

I'm in Love.
But it is a mixed feeling.
It feels weird too.
It was Love at first sight for the both of us.
Didn't expected it though.
This time,i'm not going to cry and be depressed if it doesn't work,
I'm just gonna move on and work harder.
They say it is always very sweet in the beginning.
Its the honeymoon period.
Just enjoy and cherish this moment.
There is more challenges to come.
Yes,i do hope that he is the right one but I am prepared if he isn't.

It still feels so raw.
So new.
But we feel like we knew each other for ages.
Maybe that is what people referred as 'chemistry.'
He seems sincere but don't blame me if i still have doubts.
It is not easy to trust the male creature.
Just pray that everything is gonna be fine.
And yes...we are accepting the flaws we both have with an open heart.
We sorta make it as something we could work on.
May we be blessed.

Resuming work tomoro's night.
Hopefully i'll feel better tomoro.
I never had such a bad GastroEnteritis ever in my life.

I feel so much better after i ate the delicious hot chicken porridge which i bought early this morning .
I was craving for it like mad.
Lucky thing i got it. :)
The day after tomoro will be a busy day for me as i'm going on a 3 days 2 night chalet.
I will be hosting it and thanks to my ward manager for not granting my request.
I have to freaking go to work from the chalet coz i was rostered to do day shift on my 2nd day at the chalet!
Thanks again eh.
Hopefully i will not be too tired. sigh.
Anyways...
its already 8th of January....soon i'll get away for a holiday!! woohoo!!

*claps hand*
*excited*

:)

I had a busy Sunday attending to wedding and engagement invites.

In the midst of that madness,I found a willy wily cute,adorable cutie pie.

He is so so manja with me...

He like to smile and he giggles when i kiss him repeatedly on his face...
And his name is Raif....

I want a baby for myself too can?

My Genuine curses specially for you guys.

Another one more night and then its a busy Sunday.
And hell yeah,thanks to my dearest Manager for screwing up my roster!!!
If i request means i need la Gundu!!
If u don't want to grant my request,then i throw in MC la...
Some stupid dumbass you are la..

Apart from that,
It is sometimes so so unfair for us.
We even have to think a trillion times if we want to take MC when in actual fact we are entitle for 13 days but only allow less than 5 days a year? More than 5 days,we will be converted to 3 shift.
What the hell is that????
absolute crap..!
And now i'm feeling sicky,stiff neck,sore throat,killing headache...
and what should i do????
Go drag myself to work la...die die also must work wat...
want to die also must die at work!!
Then only they know it is a genuine sickness.
Some Bitches you guys are.

I simply couldn't wait to get lost from CICU.
And in the midst of me trying to apply for job in Dubai,
Dubai faces ecomonic problem....
Haiz......
Hopefully Dubai will recover economically in about 6 month time???
Oh god pls....

Outing to Vivo was so much fun with mom and abang.
Did some shopping,dining and just spending some quality times together.
Mom was happy to get a new phone and Abang was happy i treated them to a delicious meal at EARL Swensens.
We had a great day.

So many things i wanted to update but im too lazy to blog.

My consecutive 5 days off was so much fun.

I did tonnes of stuff.

Shopping,party,dining,family,frens,GFs,Dates :)

I'm loving every bit of it!

And and and......and i got a newfound fren cum date...

Arab guy!!!

He was on a vacation break and came to Singapore for holiday.

He approach me that Sat night and then we went on a date..Such a sweetheart..but im not gonna have a serious relationship with him...

He is just good to oogle at and to be adored :) not gonna let matters of my heart get involved ;)

look at him....

Sheikh Zarkh Ali

*fanning myself* *faints*

Our Date turned out well...very well actually...

''Saya suka awak la sayang..." that was what he said before we went home....

I just replied "Aww...so cute la your Malay..!"haha...

In my heart i was saying...."Macam paham la budak Arab ni....hahaha!''

And now...I don't feel like going back to work tomoro...

Tsk tsk tsk.... such a bummer!

The Old Me is Dead & Gone.

Happy 22Nd Yani!

Better year ahead for you ya.. :)

We sure do have tonnes of fun karaokeing for like 4 hours without stop!

I sure do love taking crazy pictures of You all singing or perhaps croaking away! lol!

We were high on sugars too coz of the Sinful BDAY cake and Aunty Anne's Pretzels!

And I love the 2nd part of the night too!

3monkeys session was absoutely relaxing and emotional huh?

I was actually tearing when i talk things out to the both of you...

I suddenly feel good letting it all out to you guys...

All this while i have never stop blaming on the past which i think had caused me to be who i am now.

And I don't really fancy being who i am now...

But you guys was right

I can't be too hard on myself...

And anyway i am heading those advice you guys told me.. :)

I have to be a lil'bit mean esp to guys,

Just so i stand up for my own rights.

And yes...

I'm Loving it :)

P.S The old me is dead & gone.

Sawadeeka...

Been and back.

Bangkok was awesome.

Has always been actually.

Non-stop shopping!!

And we girls surely did have tonnes of fun!

We already miss Bangkok so much just after we landed in Changi Airport...damn..

It was my 2nd time there and so i was the one leading the girls.

I never regret coming back to Bangkok.

It has always been a great experience.

We Love Bangkok! :)

And my new Canon EOS 500D too! ;)

Feeling sore.

Down with a bad sore throat...
So bad ..til' i almost couldn't let out my voice...
aarh..painful...
But still i have to work....
For another 2 nights...
Coz i'm having 6 consecutive off days...
Looking forward to my Bangkok trip... :)