Too much.

It is just too much for me to swallow.

It is darn painful.

My mum had seen me cry over my Ex-Someone.

And now it is just so shitty she have to see me cry again coz of you,bi.

I hate it.

I really hate it.

Guys are guys!!!!!!!

Never make any more promises to me people,

Coz' i am just so done with it!

I Love myself.

After i chatted with Someone, then i feel much more stronger now.
I feel even more sure that i'm making the right decision.
I got his opinion as a guy and as a fren who wants the best for their frens.
And i'm not making this decision becoz of anyone but myself.

I hope i could make this clear to Mus soon.
Of course to be fair,I will let him explain on his part since he wanted to meet up before i end things off with him...
And then,i will think it tru' for one last time and decide from there.
I am very sure of this.
I deserve to be happy.

Thanks someone, coz i really think u deserve my thank you.
Some frens don't really bothers to listen to me especially if they are already happy with their life just like how happy you are now :)
So,i thank you.

I can't be going tru' all these again!

I really can't close my eyes now.

And i'm aware that i'm working tomorrow and I have to wake up as early as 0430 hrs.

But I just can't.

I already made up my mind on friday night and told my decision to Mus.

And I even told him not to call me up anymore.

And for heaven sake i was really firm on it.

However,he insisted that we meet up this upcoming week and talk about the matter.

He said i think too much.

What???

How can i not think too much when he treated me like the way he did??

If you are in my position you'll probly know how awful the feeling is.

And just now,

he called to check on me and to tell me some ''great'' news!

His company is sending him to work in New Zealand..

OOhh great...

why do i always have partners who always have to leave me so far...??

why....

oh god...give me the sign for all these pls......

He said he don't know whether to go or not...

And he thought my voice sounded cracky in the phone...

of coz i am..I am holding back the water that is trying to flood over my eyes and down to my cheeks!!!

But if he has to go..he better go soon...

coz i'm like so used to it already...

the past has taught me and i'm surely gonna be ok...

For now,I'm just speechless and only waiting for the day we could meet up and talk about all the matters that has been going on between us.

Are all these signs telling me that i should go out of Singapore soon too..??

Back to where i started.

Left with only 2 days of my leave.
Resuming work on Monday.

Though my holiday this time round is spent just here in Singapore.
I'm glad and thankful i spent it well.

Many things has happened between me and Mus.
Well maybe just on my part coz' he always seems cool.
What is a problem to me is always nothing to him.
I really don't want to think about him anymore...
He just won't appreciate...
I've even written him a very long email since he always have to work and no time for us to meet.
In that email,i've told him abit bout my past and how i really feel now and that i want him to reply to me whenever he can to explain himself to me...
But he is being ignorant...
One day he will know how it feels to be me...

And on that account i have to admit that no Man has ever treated and Love me as well as Someone did.
I'm not comparing and i'm not expecting highly of a man but just basic actions that could tell me how sincere you really are.Actually,if you really are a sincere man like Someone is,you don't have to do much,just be yourself and your sincerity and love will get itself to me.

I will never be able to live my life with a person like Mus.
I will not be happy.
Unless he change.
But i don't expect him to change.
Its been almost a year and still i see no progress...
I will just slowly bring myself away from him...

Arrgghhh...
Not again......

I'm not gonna let myself drown in tears and be weak.
I wanna be a strong person like Yue-niang(The Little Nyonya).
Maybe i should open up a business selling Bird Nest...? LOL

This silent night.

Its already 2:07am...
All i could think about Someone...
He just appeared in my mind all of a sudden when i hear this song i am playing in my blog now...
I wonder what he is doing right now...
probably talking with his other half on the phone...
I'm kinda missing him actually...
Just miss how he used to be one so very special person in my life...

But
its all the old good memories...
Well...wishing him happiness always with his Loved ones.

I think i'm missing him becoz' my Lovey Mus has been busy..so busy actually

that i didn't even have the chance to tell him how lonely i am...

I dunno why..

I feel tired with always having to be the one showing my care and concern to him...

now he only calls me once a day or once every 2 days just to tell that he is home and tired...

i tried to be the most understanding person i could be but sometimes it is not worth it...

I dont even know if he even appreciates it.

for now i am just holding on for how long more i myself don't know...

i have suggested many times for us to go separate ways but he don't want and wants to change for the better....

i stayed on thinking that we could work it out slowly with patience and determination...

but it has been like so many times already....

Bi, do you even know how awful i feel?

And u should know how sincere i am towards you...

I pray everyday that you would change for the better and treat me the way i'm deserved to be treated.

I Love you like i always do and like i always told you...

I used to be the happiest girl in a relationship when i was with Someone but not now with Mus...

But not all happy relationship have a happy ending and not all unhappy relationship ends in an unhappy ending....

But on the part of the unhappiness you sometimes makes me the happiest,Bi...

thank you for that....

If we are not fated to be together,i will always remember u as a sweet,romantic,humorous,lean,muscular,fair,tall,mysterious special someone in my life.

Good nite and sleep tight baby.

Me-Time.

My Annual leave starts today.
No plans to travel though.
Need to save up for rainy days.
Gonna spent my leave mostly at home cleaning,cooking,decorating etc.

I feel ''sufocated" by everyone around me nowadays.
They come to you when they have problem and gone with the wind when they're having good times!!
It is probably about time i think more about myself first rather then putting others before me.
Poor me.
More ME-time please.

Welcome 2009.

My new year's eve started as early as 630am.
I went to settle some problems with my cuzzie before i got home at abot 12 noon
Rested for awhile and then at about 8pm,met up with Wani for our sorta "private party."

Bestie didn't turn up last minute.Fine.

I was actually not in the mood.

My plan to meet up with Nurisham also was cancelled coz i don't want to pull a long face when i meet up with him.

Sorry awak.

And so Wani and me headed to Breeks to hav our dinner before we met up with Fairuz and company for our mini party at Clarke quay.

We sat down by the river in a circular manner and played UNO cards.

While some of them gulped down alcoholic,i just do my own stuffs coz i dun really know some of them.

Luckily,Wani and I decided to walk around and then we hit the Bungy Bar.

It was really cool.Wani had her Bikini Martini while i had my Orange Juice as usual. LOL.

We dance for a bit coz the songs was really good got us grooving to the beats.

We headed back to our spot and join the company again for some chit chats,jokes and more card games before we call it a day.

Welcome 2009.

Hopefully a better year for us all.

Insya allah.

Amin.

My Cheat Day.

Today is my cheat day.

Cheat day as in i get to eat my favorit food and indulge in sinful deserts.

Tomoro i shall be back with my diet.

Met up with bestie for threading and then head up to PS for our Manhattan Fish!

It was our first time.

But we still prefer Fish & Co.

But i really Love their Manhattan Mudpie.

Shioookk...

Tomorrow i will be running some errands for my cousins in the morning.

In the evening,I will probably wait up for Wani's updates on any plans for New Year's party.

Probably just hit somewhere to chill out.

If not,I'll probly stay at home.

Welcome 2009!

A toast to a better year everyone!

Cheers!

Back from Malacca.

Been and back from my 3 days 2 nights Malacca trip

with Kak Midah and her daughter,Amira.

I must say the hotel we stayed in is great.

Very comfortable,moderately luxurious and good service.

We went to a lot of places.The Eye on Malaysia (Melaka),

The Christ Church,Jonker's Street,River Cruise,Mahkota Parade etc.

In overall I must say that this is really a place

rich in its Heritage and Culture.I do not want to come back home coz'

I hate the idea of going back to work on

Wednesday after i had a long 12 days leave!

Off to Malacca.

Will be going away for a short trip to Malacca from 19th to 21st of this month.
Will be back for updates yea...
Hopefully i'll enjoy my time with Kak Midah and her daughter,Amira.
We gonna have All-Girls-Trip this time...
Girls just wanna have fun! :)

Oh yes,i want to start my exercise regime once i'm back from this trip.

It has to go.

Obesity not only kills our health but our self-esteem too.


I want to lose weight...
I'm putting on more weight each day...
It is really getting out of control...
I better start my Exercise regime before i burst like the balloon!!
And i really want to kick the habit of over-eating when i'm depressed...
That habit has to go man!
If not because of that habit,i would have reached my ideal weight now...hmmph!
And guys is always the reason i got into depression!~
Must put a STOP to that...
Come on Yati!
You can do it!
Way to go!

Where do i belong?

Maybe i should walk it all alone back again....

My Lovey Mus is not at all lovely anymore..
He makes me fall for him and then he takes everything for granted...
He never worries about anything...
He is 24 hours busy with work...i supposed he is...
We never ever go out in the day...!
Its always meeting up for a short while in the late night...
I have tried to understand his work but he never ever think of how i feel...
Not fair...
His actions just made me doubt him...
Sacrifices made for him are just meaningless to him i guess...
He never wants to share his problems..
Reason he gave was that he doesnt want to bother me with his problems...
Imagine knowing each other for almost a year yet i feel like i'm no one to him..
See how strange that is right..?
Many times i 've tried to end things with him but he insists that he loves me and needs me in his life..
But why can't you change for the better..???
I don't get you...really...
I wonder if i should give you anymore chances...
Guys guys guys......!!
Doesn't mean the number of women in this world is higher than that of men,you people can take our Love for granted you know!!

Miss World 2008.

Miss Kseniya Sukhinova-Russia
(Crowned as Miss World 2008)

Miss Ana Gabriella-Mexico
(My personal favorit!)

I was online in the evening just now and was browsing thru' the Miss world official site.
I studied the contestants and thought that my favorit is Miss Mexico.
She is darn gorgeous!
And so at about 1230am,
I went to watch the Miss world live on channel 5 and thought my Miss Mexico is in the top 5.
Sadly No....
I dunno why....
But my favorit among the 5 is Miss Russia of course!
But i was glad though that Miss South Africa didn't win as i find her a bit too over-confident.The judges made the right choice for choosing Miss Russia.She is very sweet and elegant.
And i could sense that she is genuine.
I so like her blue evening dress! So flowy....
But i still think my Miss Mexico is gorgeous!

Get away from my Migraine.

I had fun today.
I was on MC yesterday due to my Migraine.
Stayed at home and rest for the whole day and met up with Mus at night after his work.
Went to meet my Kak Mid today to get our bus ticket to Malacca on the 19th of this month.
Going for a short trip.
Then we head down to Royal plaza on scotts for our high tea and then off to karaoke...
Had an enjoable evening..
Thanks kak Mid.

Summary of my absence from Blogger.

• Been and back from Bangkok, Thailand.
• Stressed out with work due to JCI Audit.
• JCI Audit is over last week.
• Noorhisham is getting engaged,congrats.
• Mus and me are doing fine.
• Mom is ending work soon=Full-time housewife.
• Been planning out on working in Dubai.

I cant,I miss u blogger.

I can't coz i miss you blogger.
I still think ur the best actually..
I get all the privacy here but not in multiply...
I got all anonymous readers there but here only people who are close to me knows abt it...
I guess i will come back here..
I admit that there's loads of sad posts here but it the fact right and i can't change it...
If i change it then it wont be real...
I miss you blogger..
Sorry that i left you for awhile....
I will stay on for sure...
I promise...

The End.

To all my avid readers,
I will not be blogging here anymore.
When i read back all my previous post,
I noticed too many sad posts.
So Emo...


I'm starting to blog @ multiply.
Much fun there.

Thank you.
Goodbye Blogger.

Cancelled.

Moral of the story:
Don't plan ahead.

Holiday with Bestie is cancelled.
She just don't feel like going.
Fine.
Holiday with Family is also most probaby gonna be cancelled coz' Mom don't feel like going as she is fearful of the Monsoon season.
Sigh.
I feel like going holiday alone la.
Luckily,I am going to Bangkok next week.
But what am i gonna do during my leave?
I have to go somewhere.
Somewhere out of Singapore.
And guess what?
I can't wait for my bond to end.
1 year plus to go before i could say Bubbye to them all...
Pls pls...quickened the time....
I'm getting sick of everything here.

Hurt.

I hope I am wrong...
But it clearly shows it is so right...
How could you....
I'm so dissapointed with you...
So so hurt...

Bad Night.

Last night at work sucks.
I was given 2 patients to nurse.
But problem is,both patients are intubated!
And my Bed 10 patient collapse in the middle of the morning!
I was dancing away like a mad women the whole shift from beginning til the end of my 12 hours shift!
One bed needs frequent suctioning,frequent corrective replacement,tube feeding and changing of diaper.
Another bed is freaking not stable. I had to assist in intubation with that freaking irritating cum action -bagos -tapi -tak -bagos Doctor!Luckily another doctor came by and finally suceeded with the intubation with just one try.That was not the end.This irritating doc have to spoil my night la.He took hours to set IV plug and IA line..fair enough... the patient have difficult venous access but you don't have to be irritating can?? If you want to order or ask for something,make it in a more polite way and think before you talk!!! I don't have 5 hands and 4 legs ok!And i'm not your maid!!!I don't mind if i'm nursing only one patient but hello!I'm nursing 2 patients and my another patient needs my attention too!
I though things are settling down at about 245am...as i was about to write my freaking report for my bed 9,I suddenly saw my bed 10 struggling..I went closer,saw secretions in its oral cavity,I quickly grab the suction.As i suction superficially,the patient just desat and then went into asystole...without wasting a second,I shouted for help while I grab the air viva bag and started bagging the patient,my colleague ran in and started chest compressions.It took us almost 30 mins to revive the patient back..we all almost thought that the patient has gone.After 5 doses of Adrenaline,continuous chest compressions and bagging,the patient came back.then,started inotropes and all. And at that very hour,the doc wanted to set a central line coz of difficult venous access.As expected of him,the doc failed to set the line!! aarrgghh....!I was really very thankful that my code nurse helped me alot.If not because of her,I would have broke down and leave my workplace coz I was freaking stressed up and irritated.I kept dancing like a mad women till 7 am when my colleague for the next shift came by...I was really speechless that I havent write a word for my report and that freaking irritating doc kept ordering corrective infusions and blood transfusions for my two patients..one after another!!I passed over to my colleagues taking over as properly as possible..My nursing manager saw me and was shocked to see that i' still not home yet. I just looked at them expressionlessly and said i have not done with my report.After i cleared all my stuffs and do my report.It was already 9am when i supposed to go back home at 7am...Haiz..Bad night.