Done with that.

I took a sick leave today coz i was having a terrible headache...
Migraine i supposed.
Someone you would never think of accompanied me to the doc.
So sweet of you.


I went home,log on to my comp only to find Fir's name in my inbox..
I was very nervous to his reply but i have to face it though..

I read the content.
I was hurt.Truly hurt.
But i deserve it.
It was his girlfriend who replied to the mail.
It sounded very sarcastic.
I could feel like the words was piercing deep into my heart.


Yes i know i 'm such a bad person here.
Be in my position and you will know how it feels.


But i just want to end all these now.
I won't msg.email or yearn for him anymore.
And i want to retire being a stalker...
And i think that is my limit of being such a cruel ass to him and his girlfriend.

Its time for me to be back to my old self..
The happy,jovial and kind-hearted me... :)

Congratulation Galfren.

I can't believe that my secondary school classmate,Suhana is already married..

I just got back from her weddding lunch held @ Bukit Batok.

It was crowded.

I went with my sec sch bud Hayati Hussin(We are well known in sch as the twin by name...) and Fazilah.

Fazilah had to go off 1st as she have to work in the afternoon..

Yati and i stayed coz we wanna see the couple bersanding...

Aww..they look so cute together...

They look like mini pengantin coz both of them are mini in size..hehe..!

Yati and i did a lot of catching ups...

We were shocked that many of our classmates are either married or engaged...!!

Oh my god...both of us was like...????? But we don't feel pressured though...We are cool ...haha! Always young at heart....LOL

And what a small world...

I met with my primary school bestie,Hanisa at the wedding...

coincidently she is Suhana's cousin...! haha..

We hugged oh-so-tight coz its been so long since we met...we lost touch after sec sch...

She brought me to her mom and surprisingly the mum can recall me..

They mentioned i looked oh-so-different but wat makes them recognize me is my teeth..haha!

The mom was like asking me..when is my turn to be a bride..??

I told her that it is not gonna be very soon... hehe!

And when Yati and me couldn't tolerate the heat from the crowd,we decided to leave....

Wishing you n partner a marital bliss and may it be everlasting...Insya Allah..Amin.

Desperate.

It's been awhile since i last blog...
Work has been busy for me...
I meant really busy....

In the midst of the busy-ness...
I admit that i was dying from missing that someone that much!
Oh my and i did a stupid thing ....
I wanted to sms my colleagues regarding something and coincidently my collegue initial is also the same as his...
therefore i thought it would look real if i accidentally send the msg to him too just to assure myself that he is somewhere out there safe and sound....
I sound like a desperate sicko rite....??
I think i am...
so scary...
But i was happy that he replied to the msg wic is not meant for him by forwarding back the msg to me....
we didn't have any conversation but i'm at least relieved that i know he is somewhere out there...
I have never been this desperate and sick before...!
But i know i won't do this again....
I'm so sad looking at my own state...
oh my god...*tearing*

Its ok...
everything is gonna be alrite.....

David Cook Rocks.

I know you're definitely gonna be...

Congratulation David Cook..

Have I told you how i could just reach orgasm just by listening to your sexay voice..??

Like seriously............

oooohhh darling you will always be my baby........

hahaha!

Back from KL & Genting.

Day 1
Depart from Spore by coach to KL at about 9am...
Reached Puduraya KL at about 3pm...
Checked in into our luxurious Pacific Regency hotel room...
We then headed to Pavilion to have our tummy filled with good food...
Went to Lot 10 to shop for some stuffs...
Then headed to the reflexiology house to have our feet massaged..heaven...
Next stop was Petaling Street to shop again...
Went to Kota Raya's Starbucks to chit chat,merepeks and laugh like mad till about 11pm...
Went to grab ''cucuk-cucuk'' for our supper before heading back to our hotel.
Day 2
Woke up as early as 6 am...
Had our coffee before we went to Puduraya again to get our Genting Express tickets...
the earliest tixs we could get was the 11am slot...
So while waiting for time...
We headed for a proper breakfast at one of the coffee shop...
The prata was nice...sedap!!
Go jalan-jalan around and headed to one of the hotel lounge to tk a rest and have our toilet breaks.. :)
At 11 am...boarded the Genting express...
The journey took us about an hour...
We then took the cable car.
It was my first time experience and it was thrilling..
I feel like i'm flying..
the rest was like controlling their fear but i was absolutely a happy girl :)
It was a beautiful sight...
I have never seen such a beautiful sight ever in my life...
I feel like i'm in Switzerland...haha!
It was very foggy...
I breathe out cold mist!! Cool stuff!! haha!! Jakonnye aku!! haha!
We had our lunch there...Then i can't wait to get into all the rides!!
But we went to the casino to experience the gambling ambience..! haha!! Boring seh..!
Wandering why these peeps go there to throw their money there..siao!
Then fun time begins!!
I was the most daring one...
Even Izzul was a pengecot lor...
He dare not take a the flying coaster..
hmmmph..Luckily i got his cousin Sham to accompany me...it was an awesome ride!!
We went to the indoor theme park too...
Even thought it was freaking cold...
we didnt miss the chance to get into the Snow World..
haha!! Brrr Brr......
We had a lot of fun la!!
Sempat pegi Karaoke lagik!!!! haha!!
Worth it la ....!
Headed back to KL and had our Maggi Goreng supper at one of the coffee-shop by the street.
Reached our hotels about 1am...
then...Zzzz..ZZZzzzz....
Day 3
Depart from KL at about 12 noon...
Reached JB Larkin at about 330pm...
We then decided to go around City Square as i have never been to JB before!! haha!
We went to watch movie! Congkak!!
It was a good movie la...the sound effect compliments it all...It got me screaming ok!
After that we went to have our dinner at Kenny Rogers....yummylicious..!
Then we walk all the way to Woodlands checkpoint coz we dont want to be caught up in the traffic jam...
It was really tiring but I had fun!!! I meant So Much FUN!!! :)
More of such trip can..?? :)

Going for another short trip.

Hey people..
I'm going for another short getaway to Malaysia KL tomorrow...
I'm going to Genting to be exact...
Reason..??
I just wanna have fun..
with my colleagues as company..
I'm surely its gonna be fun..
Though its just 4 of us...

I'm gonna miss my bestie and family...
Didn't get to meet my bestie before i had to go coz of my crazy work!

I'll be back next week..Insya Allah...

Today.

I didn't forget.
I always remember..
few months before today.I will think and plan...
few weeks before today, I will work for my plan...
few days before today,I will ensure my plan is gonna work...
few hours before it ,I will be excited as if it is my own special day..
Happy 25th Birthday.

But Today is not supposed to be felt special by me coz some other people deserve to make it special for him.
Hope they enjoy the special Day..
:)

Happy Mother's Day

Wishing all Mommys a Happy Mother's Day.
You all have been great...

Dearest Mom,
Life has been quite a rollercoaster ride for me...
But i can never be glad and thankful at the end of the day coz' i always have you here with me...
Your unconditional Love for me and bros never fades away even for a day...
infact,it grows with time...
You have been my pillar of strength all my life...
You tolerated all my nonsense and never hold anything against it..
Your Love is so pure and sincere as you...
I truly hope that someday i would never have to make you feel worry or sad about me at all..
And i just want to make you happy as long as it can be...
As i grew older,I realize that obstacles in life are getting tougher but i always tell myself that if my mom is that strong,why can't i ..?
I can never repay everything that you have provided me with throughout my life...
But i hope i can make you happy always...
We've been through many hardships together as a family and i'm glad and thankful that till today we remain strong together....
Your sacrifices for all of us is greatly appreciated and i will always remember it til' my last breath..
I will always pray that you will always stay in good health,surrounded with happiness and glow with that beauty you always have...
I love you so much Mom...
*hugs n kisses*

Over her dead HOTT body.

I went out with Bestie yesterday.

We had some errands to run.

At the later part of the day,

we decided to have our tummy filled with food @ Fish & Co and then watch a movie together.
And so we watched 'Over Her Dead Hott Body'.

It was a hilarious movie juz a bit teary at the end.

Must watch.

You're an idol in my heart.

I received pleasant news from Someone via an email reply....
It made me teared with joy...
Everything is going on well on his side...
I will just pray that he'll get a permanent job soon...

I dunno why...
I just thought that someday i wanna have a son just like him...
So well-mannered,so loving,so responsible,so understanding,so hardworking,so wise,so smart,so humble,and good-looking too...
Now i really could understand how proud his mum is to have such a son...

Yes people I admit that i shouldn't disturb someone else's partner even though it is just an email...
But i sincerely don't mean anything...
Even though god knows how much I love him...
I just miss him alot and reassuring myself that he is happy and well...
and i know that no matter what i do,Someone is a very faithful partner and will not betray his partner...
I believe that coz I learnt that when i was with him...
All the best in life Someone...

Hard times.

Again...
I emphasize....
Work is getting on me...
It is making me crazy...
But i am pressing on...
Coz' i know i can overcome all this...

Parents pls tk extra extra care of your child and keep them healthy...
Children pls tk gd care of yourself and be strong...

And to myself....
You know your own limit...

All these times.

Its been a while since i last mention about Someone...
Yes i always refrain myself from blogging about him though it is always the 1st thing that comes to my mind.
Nowadays,i think about him more than usual.
I don't know why...
Maybe I miss him or maybe he miss me...*shrugs*
Well...ok...I miss him..
not becoz i want to but becoz i can't possibly lie to myself if i say no i don't miss him right..?
Day in day out i got to know new people or rather guys i should say...
But it seems that none of them can make me as happy as i was with Someone...
I feel so calm,happy,blissful,blessed,loved etc when i was with Someone..
I know it is wrong to compare someone from our past with the present...

I was talking with bestie in the Sauna room after gym just now...
We were talking about the Love of our life...
We both lost the Love of our Life at around the same time and we still think that until this very day...the effect or rather the trauma of the lost of that Love of our lives kept haunting us.
I always thought that Someone is gonna be the one.Same goes with Bestie...she always thought that 'Mimi' is gonna be the one for her and that the relationship is gonna be everlasting...But it didn't turn out like how we expected.
They were the one that give us the greatest hope but ended they cause the greatest hurt...
Well of course plus other factors like situational and fate....
But it seems so easy for them but it was hell for us..god knows...
Yes...but whatever it is I know that there is not a single one who could Love Someone as much as I do....really...I meant it...He will never find anyone who will love him like I do....never...
Sometimes I just wonder why my relationship keep on failing...
I try to find my flaws and improved but it still fails..
So probably The One made for me hasn't come yet....
I gave many chances and open up to new people like Azhar,Farhan etc. ..
But things just don't work out...
That very day,Mom ask me...Why my relationship don't always last?
It just invites tears the moment she says that....
I myself don't know mom...
I can only say probly it is just not the right time for me to find someone that is gonna be my life partner... time is only my answer...

And thanks Bestie for the heart-heart conversation we had at the Sauna room...
it really touches my heart...
Probly only you undersands how i feel coz we r going tru the same thing....
I'm really thankful to god i have you....
Probly you are the blessing in disguise of everything...?

What is really happening inside.

Work is getting crazy for me.

Hmmm ICU is making money eh..??

But thanks ar i have to work like a dog becoz of that.

Yesterday was like super busy i tell you.

I have to take care of this very heavy 12 yr old kid weighing 72 kg!

Imagine when i have to do my morning sponging for her?

I couldn't ask for help from the rest coz they are all super busy.

Luckily i got my new staff nurse attached to my room.

However,this new staff nurse is a petite young lady lor and that tells you that most of the effort will have to come from me when we have to move or change this heavy patient of mine.

When we were about to lift her a bit higher up to the head of the bed,I suddenly heard a 'crack' sound from my back...!

Oh my god...i seriously tried my very best to use proper body mechanics lor but still it hurts my back a lot..

And you know what??? Becoz this particular patient has been exposed to Chicken Pox,whoever going into the room will have to wear a N95 mask!! Imagine i have to wear that mask for like 12 hours and doing all the lifting and changing for her..?? I tell you I almost fainted becoz of lack of oxygen coz the mask is supposed to be tight.

Luckily i can transfer her out to High dependency ward coz she is somewhat stable.

I had to prepare everything prior to transfering her up to High D coz the Doctors always have the habit of ordering things last minute!! suck my blood la all these doctors!

At last i have to quickly send her up even before my doctor is able to complete a discharge summary.

I really looked like a mad woman yesterday.

It doesn't stop there...

I sent my patient up at about 430pm...by the time i hand over everything to the High D staff its already 530 pm..thanks to the High D doctors for asking so many questions la coz there is no discharge summary...and i have to give a bit of medical history of the patient and some treatment or procedures that was done on her throughout her stay in ICU...as a summary,I am the 'discharge summary' la! Thanks ar doctors.

Ok ok....not finish yet...

As i was gasping for air and trying to clear my room after transfering my patient up...one of my colleagues told me

"Eh sayang....one case coming in from children's emergency...you're taking the case..quick go and prepare your bed..."

I was like ....what the hell...???

Its already 6pm.??

Give me a break la can...?

But that was what i wish la...fat hope for me..

And so the case came in...it was like a total chaos la...the 2 month old baby is already intubated but ETT level not in place...so we have to adjust it...And so i fight war for like 2 and 1/2 hours of non-stop actions....I was suppose to go home at about 730pm but yesterday i only went home bout 8 plus...luckily i have all my colleagues and nursing managers to help me... thanks peeps..

In Summary,

I am really EXHAUSTED.

Not the time.

I don't want to think about all these anymore...
It is not the time yet i guess.
I will meet with The One someday....Insya Allah.

This week has been bad.

This particular week has been bad.
I will always remember what happen on Tuesday...
Having the rank of a Senior Registrar doesn't give you the power to just come and scream your lungs out if you're not happy.
And you don't vent out your anger to anybody!
Thanks,coz i am the 'lucky' one.
Thanks again for insulting me and my nursing care in front of all the doctors and everyone else in the cubicle.
To begin with,it is already so rude of you to not aknowledge my greeting and just give a f***ked up face.
Do you have a personal problem with me??
Now i understand why you go around the hospital without a friend.
How on earth did your children tolerate this kind of nonsense from you?
I admire your family for having the patience to tolerate you til this very day.
I can't believe i have to go to the ladies to cry my heart out coz' i was really angry and hurt by you!
Luckily i have my nursing managers to stand by me.
Thanks sisters.
Thanks Chandran for helping me throughout.
I know everyone hates her including the doctors but i think she is just suffering from menopausal symptoms. Poor thing.
And thanks for assigning me to all the very critical patients .My heart is always on a suspense mode throughout my working hours! aaarrrgghhh! *stress*

Not again.

Oops i did it again...

I went to watch movie again yesterday's evening...

I was not planning to coz i was meeting up with bestie for gym and suddenly I just got the urge to skip gym and go watch the Hindi movie bestie told me about...

It has been ages since i last watch a Hindi Movie...

I think after my break up with my Ex-Bf Mr Rafie Khan(Hindustani fella),I have stopped watching Hindi movies..

But well...I watched Hindi movie now not becoz of anything relating to him but becoz it seems like a good romantic love movie...

The movie maker himself is the hero and the heroine is his wife himself....

Yes..Ajay Devgan and Kajol Devgan...

in their movie called 'Me U Aur Hum'....it simply means its about You,Me and Us....

1st phase of the movie was funny..I kept on laughing....

But after the intermission....

I couldn't help but to cry ...

I cried so much....

very touching....

and the bonus part is..

its truly a happy ending...

Sometimes it is true that problems that comes by our lives is actually not too great...it depends on how an individual looks at it...

And...Love without a reason is the longest....

*sigh*

*tearing*

Niways...

Thanks you so much bestie for accompanying me...

really appreciate it..

Movie Marathon

Hey all...I know i have been missing for quite a bit...

Been doing some sorting out on my own...

Neways...

Been going to the cinema quite often nowadays...

Watch movies like Vantage Point,Rule No1, etc etc...

But the latest i watch is Definitely Maybe..

Thumbs up...

Must watch...

well only for those who is as romantic as me...well i love Romantic comedy or anything to do with Love...

But its just that i'm not that lucky in Love for the time being...well insya allah i will be blessed in Love in the future i hope..

Anyways,I rate this movie 3 out of 5...

Sweet Happy Ending...

My Tuesday.

Once i'm done with my night shift,
I met up wif bestie for our gym as early as 8 in the morning.
Done with gym at about 11am.
Not that we did a lot of exercises but becoz we couldn't stop talking(Mouth exercise).
Then,went to accompany bestie for her eyebrow threading @ Little India.
While we were on our way to head to bestie's place to help her do some highlights on her hair,
Bestie said she wanna cook pasta for me...!
Aww so touching.....
And so we headed NTUC @ Hougang mall and bought the stuffs.
She even got ice cream and banana for the desserts.
Yummylicious!
We called up Wani & Yani coz they wanted to go out for dinner but suggested they come over to bestie 's place to save that dinner's $$.
And so reach bestie new,beautiful,cosy little home @ about 2pm.
Helped prepare the ingredient for cooking later,
Started to do hair highlights for bestie and then i'm as flat as an overused Energizer batt.
Bestie asked me to sleep for awhile on her cosy bed..
Post night tiredness is really getting on me.
I slept with a blocked nose and a sore throat.
Then bestie woke me up with a sweet smile and told me that Lunch is ready...
Aww....so the very sweet of her...
had our lunch together.
It was delicious ok...!
Bestie da boleh kahwin la !! hahaha!
After lucnh bestie ask me to sleep back before yani and wani comes over.
And so i did while bestie surf te net.
Wani and Yani came over and woke me up..haha!! kecoh betol..! hahaha!
And they had their early dinner and we chit chat for awhile before i had to go meet my colleagues for a movie.
While bestie was making banana split for dessert, i had to rush over to meet up my colleagues...hmmmph!
bid goodbye and thanked bestie for the wonderful lunch and high class hospitality...hehe!
Thanks alot bestie.I really appreciate it.

Then,went to Causeway Point woodlands,met up with Izzul and Kak Midah and then headed to watch ''Duyung''.
It was funny lor...coz Apek is in it.
And the duyung is cantik! hehe!
And unfortunately,nurse manager called me up and i had to come back to work the next morning coz shortage of staff..
Oh my gosh....i didnt even sleep properly post nightly and i had to come back to work the next morning..??
*sigh* No choice.....
Reached home @ about 2245hrs ,washed up and then ZZZzzzzzz.
And today is my off day.Yahoo...I really wanna rest....

False Hope.

The Miracle i thought is happening turns out to be "passing clouds"
But i learnt alot from it.
I really do.
I won't give up.
I know there will be rainbow after the rain.
I used to be a person who always wants to please people around me but now it is about time i must learn to put myself first and think of the whole situation thus putting rationale to it and not just blindly follow my emotion and feelings coz' the brain needs to be used too..
Everything that happens has a reason behind it.

Redang Review.

I'm darker and heavier.

Doesn't that tells you that the trip was great?

Thumbs up.

Day 1

Reach Redang at about 1130am..

Me and Bestie was just amazed by the beautiful island.

We have never seen such a beautiful spot before.

We spent the day exploring around the island and making plans for the next day's activities.

But of course we didn't wait till the next day to jump into the crystal clear sea.

It was really so clear that i could really see colourful fishes swimming beneath me..

Aaaahh...Awesome!

Oh yes...did i tell you that the food sucks?

Yes it is.

Reminder to anyone going Laguna...pls bring loads of titbits,chocolates and biscuits to keep you energized throughout.

And that tells you the reason why I became heavier once i'm back from my trip right..?

Plus... me and bestie slept alot during our vacation there..haha! We just couldnt resist the temptation of sleeping on that comfy queen size bed while the wind blows the soft white curtain and enabling us to see the beautiful view of the beach right from our bed....aaahh..heavenly!

Day 2

We are all ready as early as 830am.

Went for our breakfast and then head up the recreation centre to rent our snorkeling equipments.And that was how we made friends with the Abang2 lifegurads there..well.not that we wanted to but they was just too friendly..really..

We got on the boats to travel further to the middle of the sea...

it was awesome...Abang Bob(One of the lifeguards) offered to let us sit on the edge of the boat so that we could get a better view..wow i feel macam Titanic gitu...hahah!

Throughout the snorkeling experience i was being guard by Abang Joe..cheh..personal snorkeling lessons for free..haha! I didn't ask to but they willingly wanted to guard...fine then..no harm right..infact it i will be much safer for me...

We headed back to our resort at about 12 noon and headed for our lunch.

We have another snorkeling trip at 3pm...

My snorkeling experience was really fantastic...

I regret not bringing my underwater camera!!!

It was reallly darn beautiful...I thought i could only see that kind of view in televisions only but I was really amazed that i could experience it...

I saw Nemo,sea cucumber,swordfish,some weird colorful fish,starfish,too many diff types of corals etc.

And so the lifeguards offered to bring us go see turtles and baby sharks..

And we managed to see the sharks and turtles!!!

So exciting!!

I was really tired when the clock hits 7pm.

And so we showered,get dressed and headed for our dinner...

After dinner,went around the island to see the night life...

we crash into one of the resorts Pubs coz the music was our kind of thang...*smiles*

We didnt dance though the peeps there persuaded us to...

We just sat and enjoy the music..

After that...we walked back to our resort...

The lifeguards offered to bring us to go see shooting stars but some things popped out all of a sudden and we had to call it off...

I don't really want to describe what happened...I just have to sleep with a swollen eyes and blocked nose.

Day 3

Woke up at 630am...packed our stuffs and headed for breakfast...we have to check out by 830am...Surely gonna miss the beautiful island but i can't deny the fact that i miss home too...

And of course i miss the people back home too...

Started our bus journey at about 11am and reached Singapore at about 10pm...

Me and bestie spent our time munching on titbits and chocolates and then sleep and wake up again and continue the cycle....Phew!! No wonder mom says i looked rounder when i got home...

Must go shed the extra pounds away soon...!!

In overall,

I love my Redang Experience!