Breaking myself.

I took a sick leave from work today.
I can't get up of bed coz' my head was darn heavy.
As usual...migraine hits me.
I woke up in the morning at 9am and ordered MacD Hotcakes for my mom and bro coz' my mom was craving for it lately.
I woke up with a very puffy eyes.
I knew my mom will notice it plus she knows i'm supposed to be working day shift today.
I just told her that i need a rest today coz' of my migraine and that i need a peace of mind after I ended things with Mus last night.
She just kept quiet,looked at me for a moment and said...its ok...everything is gonna be alrite...things happened...if he is really meant for u...he'll come back to you...if he is not the one...pray for his happiness....
I just nod and was tearful....
Someone msg me in MSN too to ask if i am ok...think he could somehow feel it or he probly read my post.He said everything is gonna be fine too...
In this point of time...everything is easier said than done and especially for me to go tru' this heartbreak again and again.
I was quite calm for the rest of the day but not after i woke up from my rest.
I woke up feeling empty...very very empty...
it is like i'm yearning for my Bi...
and dying to know if he is doing ok there...
My heart feels like a roller coaster...all kind of feelings mixed up that it makes me wanna throw up...
And so i msged him jst to check if everything is ok and that he is doing fine coz' actually i'm not doing that fine....
he replied awhile later saying he is not ok and that his mom is in hospital..
I felt like my heart dropped...
I msged him back asking if there is anything i can help or anything that he needs...
He then replied "I will manage my own k...u've helped me enough.I love you always Bi,sorry for everything....."
and the only stupid thing i can do is just cry and cry and cry.....!!
It is just breaking my heart to let him go....and moreover to hear that he is not doing ok there....it felt terrible for me....it really does...

I'm so tired of crying..
I wanna eat my meds and sleep tru....
Good night.

Crushed.

I don't know what else to say.
I'm lost.
I want to end things but my tears just couldn't stop.
I Love him so much that it is hurting me to let him go.
And I'm also hurt if i never let go of him.
What is this?
I'm confused.....
I really am....
At this point of time i really need someone to talk to me.
But everyone is asleep soundly....
I feel so so breathless with this endless tears...
I already end things with him.
He didn't said much.
He seem to have so many things up in his head.
But he never wanna share it with me.
I don't know...
I feel so so empty.....

The last thing he said was ''can i call u if i need someone to talk to..?"
With my cracky voice...i just said yes....
It hurts ....it really hurts me....
I asked him "you don't love me anymore is it..?"
He said no..he just don't want to trouble me...

I don't know if i could work later...
My mind is messed up now....
my eyes are swollen...
my heart is aching...
I'm having chest pain...
My migraine is getting worse.....

If only he could open up himself more to me...
I will probably understand....
But what can I say...
It's over.
I'm just gonna slowy pick up the pieces and bring myself together...
And take each day as it goes...
It will definitely take time for me...
Slowly I will...Insya Allah...
May Allah give me the strength to overcome this obstacles...
Amin~.......

Too much.

It is just too much for me to swallow.

It is darn painful.

My mum had seen me cry over my Ex-Someone.

And now it is just so shitty she have to see me cry again coz of you,bi.

I hate it.

I really hate it.

Guys are guys!!!!!!!

Never make any more promises to me people,

Coz' i am just so done with it!

New Stuffs.

Psst.

I know how to fish already!

But still need to learn la...

Thanks to Izzul coz' he taught me how to...

Me,Ahmad & Izzul went for Fishing @ Sembawang Park yesterday.

I caught nothing,but I learnt how to connect the rail & hook to the rod etc.

I know how to throw the rod too!

No luck this time but i will surely hope I have luck in the near future.

I don't think I wanna go out with Izzul & Ahmad anymore coz some people are not happy with it.

I wanna go fishing the next time with my beloved cuzzin sister.

More peace.

And i meet up with Sham for supper.

Its been long since we last met.

Almost a year!

And he told me that I put on EXTREME weight!!!

Oh yes.. I know...

I will slowly but surely shed it off...

Thanks for taking the time to meet up with me and hear me out.

I really appreciate it.

I had a wonderful time with you. :)

And I already made up my mind.

I am not going to Lang Tengah Island with my colleagues(usual kakis).

Coz' I just want to go Terengganu with my family.

A family trip is what i have always wanted for so long.

Sorry colleagues,go ahead without me aite.

I'm so excited bout' this family trip i'm going.

Thanks mom,for agreeing to go.

Love you,mmmuaacckss!

So far yet so near.

"...COZ I’M ALWAYS AROUND YOU
AND I’LL MAKE YOU SEE
HOW BEAUTIFUL LIFE IS FOR YOU AND ME
TAKE A LITTLE TIME BABY
SEE THE BUTTERFLIES’ COLORS
LISTEN TO THE BIRDS
THAT WERE SENTTO SING FOR ME AND YOU
CAN YOU FEEL ME
THIS IS SUCH A WONDERFUL PLACE TO BE
EVEN IF THERE IS PAIN NOW
EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT
FOR AS LONG AS THE WORLD STILL TURNS
THERE WILL BE NIGHT AND DAY
CAN YOU HEAR ME
THERE’S A RAINBOW ALWAYS AFTER THE RAIN.."

My Lovey Mus made me cry....
He sent me a sms of the words above...
it was from a song which he introduce to me last time...
I love the song and he loves it too...
Its the meaning behind it that always motivates me to go on...
Everyday before or after work i will always hear this song...
coz it is indeed a special song...
Tk care of yourself for me...
I will be waiting for you to come back on 2nd Feb.
I miss you so so much...
I love you always and as much as i always do...

Marina Barrage.

Marina Barrage is awesome.

Spectacular view.

Perfect weather.

Great company of my beloved cuzzin sisters & Baby Aryan.

I had fun.

But I simply can't deny the fact that I miss Mus so much.

And he is always in my mind.

Now he is in Thailand.

Is it really i am expecting too much from him or am i really not being treated well...??

I really don't know....

I'm actually very sad that i only get to know that he will b going away several hours before his flight and that we are actually in the midst of an argument and giving each other cold treatment...

I'm really sad...

But it has happened.

I miss you so so much bi...

Especially when you are so far away from me...

At times i just feel like going far far away from everything......

I wanna curl up like a baby sleeping soundly and just don't want to think of anything.

It cuts right in.

I know Mus will surely get hurt reading my blog.
I meant who wouldn't get hurt if i say i'm not happy with him right...
I understand him....
But he will never know how it feels for me...

He says he has no choice.
Yes... i understand....
work is a necessity...
and i'm an impatient bugger to you...
I dont know how to be patient...
Blame it all on me....
Maybe it is just me...
i'm a stressor to your life...

I've cried so much last night.
I don't want to cry anymore.
I tot i wanna go somewhere peaceful today...

Tk care of yourself.
I think i heard u said last night ur going Thailand today....
I didn't know bout it until last night...
and that is why i think we dont have to meet up since you are in a rush...
safe journey to and fro Love....

I Love myself.

After i chatted with Someone, then i feel much more stronger now.
I feel even more sure that i'm making the right decision.
I got his opinion as a guy and as a fren who wants the best for their frens.
And i'm not making this decision becoz of anyone but myself.

I hope i could make this clear to Mus soon.
Of course to be fair,I will let him explain on his part since he wanted to meet up before i end things off with him...
And then,i will think it tru' for one last time and decide from there.
I am very sure of this.
I deserve to be happy.

Thanks someone, coz i really think u deserve my thank you.
Some frens don't really bothers to listen to me especially if they are already happy with their life just like how happy you are now :)
So,i thank you.

I can't be going tru' all these again!

I really can't close my eyes now.

And i'm aware that i'm working tomorrow and I have to wake up as early as 0430 hrs.

But I just can't.

I already made up my mind on friday night and told my decision to Mus.

And I even told him not to call me up anymore.

And for heaven sake i was really firm on it.

However,he insisted that we meet up this upcoming week and talk about the matter.

He said i think too much.

What???

How can i not think too much when he treated me like the way he did??

If you are in my position you'll probly know how awful the feeling is.

And just now,

he called to check on me and to tell me some ''great'' news!

His company is sending him to work in New Zealand..

OOhh great...

why do i always have partners who always have to leave me so far...??

why....

oh god...give me the sign for all these pls......

He said he don't know whether to go or not...

And he thought my voice sounded cracky in the phone...

of coz i am..I am holding back the water that is trying to flood over my eyes and down to my cheeks!!!

But if he has to go..he better go soon...

coz i'm like so used to it already...

the past has taught me and i'm surely gonna be ok...

For now,I'm just speechless and only waiting for the day we could meet up and talk about all the matters that has been going on between us.

Are all these signs telling me that i should go out of Singapore soon too..??

Farewell Dinner.

Yesterday me and few of my colleagues had our farewell dinner for Shi Lin.

She is leaving to be back to her home country,China.

Well,she told me probably she will slack for few months then go to US or UK to work.

She got all my support!

Who would want to be stuck in this pathetic work area???

I can't wait to be out too!!

Well,all the best for your future endeavours Shi Lin.

Gonna miss you for sure.

We hope the farewell dinner could make as a memorable event for you when you're there in China... :)

P.S : Have i told you that after finish watching my 34 episodic drama of The Little Nyonya,I am now enjoying my Grey's Anatomy.I'm loving it.You see,this is one of the reason i always have to keep on skipping my jogging regime coz i'm stuck to the TV!! Ok after the grey's Anatomy ok..??Gotta drag this heavy butt of mine to work it out man!

oh geez...i'm resuming work tomoro! Damn it.

Back to where i started.

Left with only 2 days of my leave.
Resuming work on Monday.

Though my holiday this time round is spent just here in Singapore.
I'm glad and thankful i spent it well.

Many things has happened between me and Mus.
Well maybe just on my part coz' he always seems cool.
What is a problem to me is always nothing to him.
I really don't want to think about him anymore...
He just won't appreciate...
I've even written him a very long email since he always have to work and no time for us to meet.
In that email,i've told him abit bout my past and how i really feel now and that i want him to reply to me whenever he can to explain himself to me...
But he is being ignorant...
One day he will know how it feels to be me...

And on that account i have to admit that no Man has ever treated and Love me as well as Someone did.
I'm not comparing and i'm not expecting highly of a man but just basic actions that could tell me how sincere you really are.Actually,if you really are a sincere man like Someone is,you don't have to do much,just be yourself and your sincerity and love will get itself to me.

I will never be able to live my life with a person like Mus.
I will not be happy.
Unless he change.
But i don't expect him to change.
Its been almost a year and still i see no progress...
I will just slowly bring myself away from him...

Arrgghhh...
Not again......

I'm not gonna let myself drown in tears and be weak.
I wanna be a strong person like Yue-niang(The Little Nyonya).
Maybe i should open up a business selling Bird Nest...? LOL

This silent night.

Its already 2:07am...
All i could think about Someone...
He just appeared in my mind all of a sudden when i hear this song i am playing in my blog now...
I wonder what he is doing right now...
probably talking with his other half on the phone...
I'm kinda missing him actually...
Just miss how he used to be one so very special person in my life...

But
its all the old good memories...
Well...wishing him happiness always with his Loved ones.

I think i'm missing him becoz' my Lovey Mus has been busy..so busy actually

that i didn't even have the chance to tell him how lonely i am...

I dunno why..

I feel tired with always having to be the one showing my care and concern to him...

now he only calls me once a day or once every 2 days just to tell that he is home and tired...

i tried to be the most understanding person i could be but sometimes it is not worth it...

I dont even know if he even appreciates it.

for now i am just holding on for how long more i myself don't know...

i have suggested many times for us to go separate ways but he don't want and wants to change for the better....

i stayed on thinking that we could work it out slowly with patience and determination...

but it has been like so many times already....

Bi, do you even know how awful i feel?

And u should know how sincere i am towards you...

I pray everyday that you would change for the better and treat me the way i'm deserved to be treated.

I Love you like i always do and like i always told you...

I used to be the happiest girl in a relationship when i was with Someone but not now with Mus...

But not all happy relationship have a happy ending and not all unhappy relationship ends in an unhappy ending....

But on the part of the unhappiness you sometimes makes me the happiest,Bi...

thank you for that....

If we are not fated to be together,i will always remember u as a sweet,romantic,humorous,lean,muscular,fair,tall,mysterious special someone in my life.

Good nite and sleep tight baby.

Me-Time.

My Annual leave starts today.
No plans to travel though.
Need to save up for rainy days.
Gonna spent my leave mostly at home cleaning,cooking,decorating etc.

I feel ''sufocated" by everyone around me nowadays.
They come to you when they have problem and gone with the wind when they're having good times!!
It is probably about time i think more about myself first rather then putting others before me.
Poor me.
More ME-time please.

Welcome 2009.

My new year's eve started as early as 630am.
I went to settle some problems with my cuzzie before i got home at abot 12 noon
Rested for awhile and then at about 8pm,met up with Wani for our sorta "private party."

Bestie didn't turn up last minute.Fine.

I was actually not in the mood.

My plan to meet up with Nurisham also was cancelled coz i don't want to pull a long face when i meet up with him.

Sorry awak.

And so Wani and me headed to Breeks to hav our dinner before we met up with Fairuz and company for our mini party at Clarke quay.

We sat down by the river in a circular manner and played UNO cards.

While some of them gulped down alcoholic,i just do my own stuffs coz i dun really know some of them.

Luckily,Wani and I decided to walk around and then we hit the Bungy Bar.

It was really cool.Wani had her Bikini Martini while i had my Orange Juice as usual. LOL.

We dance for a bit coz the songs was really good got us grooving to the beats.

We headed back to our spot and join the company again for some chit chats,jokes and more card games before we call it a day.

Welcome 2009.

Hopefully a better year for us all.

Insya allah.

Amin.

My Cheat Day.

Today is my cheat day.

Cheat day as in i get to eat my favorit food and indulge in sinful deserts.

Tomoro i shall be back with my diet.

Met up with bestie for threading and then head up to PS for our Manhattan Fish!

It was our first time.

But we still prefer Fish & Co.

But i really Love their Manhattan Mudpie.

Shioookk...

Tomorrow i will be running some errands for my cousins in the morning.

In the evening,I will probably wait up for Wani's updates on any plans for New Year's party.

Probably just hit somewhere to chill out.

If not,I'll probly stay at home.

Welcome 2009!

A toast to a better year everyone!

Cheers!

New Year.New Hope.

Happy Belated X'mas to all.
I was working for the past 3 days and i'm working for another 2 more days before i have a 4 straight days off during the New Year.
And guess wat?
I just came back from my annual leave right?
Believe it or not i'm going on leave again from the 9 january!
But for sure i'm not going anywhere this time.
I want to save money ley...
Going bankrupt liao.
I will think of a way i could beneficially spend my upcoming annual leave la.

My new year resolution is:
1)Save $$$
2)Lose weight (Although i always gain it back!)
3)Eat healthily
4)Be Less emotional and more practical. :)
5)Start planning for my future as in my career path.
6)Resume back my Class 3 license(Probably)
7)Take more pulic transport rather than Taxis.
8)Be more religious.
9)Aim for lesser mistakes at work.
10)Still wanna have fun!

That is my list of stuff right now.
The list could be extended if needed hor. ;)

Back from Malacca.

Been and back from my 3 days 2 nights Malacca trip

with Kak Midah and her daughter,Amira.

I must say the hotel we stayed in is great.

Very comfortable,moderately luxurious and good service.

We went to a lot of places.The Eye on Malaysia (Melaka),

The Christ Church,Jonker's Street,River Cruise,Mahkota Parade etc.

In overall I must say that this is really a place

rich in its Heritage and Culture.I do not want to come back home coz'

I hate the idea of going back to work on

Wednesday after i had a long 12 days leave!

Off to Malacca.

Will be going away for a short trip to Malacca from 19th to 21st of this month.
Will be back for updates yea...
Hopefully i'll enjoy my time with Kak Midah and her daughter,Amira.
We gonna have All-Girls-Trip this time...
Girls just wanna have fun! :)

Oh yes,i want to start my exercise regime once i'm back from this trip.

It has to go.

Obesity not only kills our health but our self-esteem too.


I want to lose weight...
I'm putting on more weight each day...
It is really getting out of control...
I better start my Exercise regime before i burst like the balloon!!
And i really want to kick the habit of over-eating when i'm depressed...
That habit has to go man!
If not because of that habit,i would have reached my ideal weight now...hmmph!
And guys is always the reason i got into depression!~
Must put a STOP to that...
Come on Yati!
You can do it!
Way to go!

Where do i belong?

Maybe i should walk it all alone back again....

My Lovey Mus is not at all lovely anymore..
He makes me fall for him and then he takes everything for granted...
He never worries about anything...
He is 24 hours busy with work...i supposed he is...
We never ever go out in the day...!
Its always meeting up for a short while in the late night...
I have tried to understand his work but he never ever think of how i feel...
Not fair...
His actions just made me doubt him...
Sacrifices made for him are just meaningless to him i guess...
He never wants to share his problems..
Reason he gave was that he doesnt want to bother me with his problems...
Imagine knowing each other for almost a year yet i feel like i'm no one to him..
See how strange that is right..?
Many times i 've tried to end things with him but he insists that he loves me and needs me in his life..
But why can't you change for the better..???
I don't get you...really...
I wonder if i should give you anymore chances...
Guys guys guys......!!
Doesn't mean the number of women in this world is higher than that of men,you people can take our Love for granted you know!!

Miss World 2008.

Miss Kseniya Sukhinova-Russia
(Crowned as Miss World 2008)

Miss Ana Gabriella-Mexico
(My personal favorit!)

I was online in the evening just now and was browsing thru' the Miss world official site.
I studied the contestants and thought that my favorit is Miss Mexico.
She is darn gorgeous!
And so at about 1230am,
I went to watch the Miss world live on channel 5 and thought my Miss Mexico is in the top 5.
Sadly No....
I dunno why....
But my favorit among the 5 is Miss Russia of course!
But i was glad though that Miss South Africa didn't win as i find her a bit too over-confident.The judges made the right choice for choosing Miss Russia.She is very sweet and elegant.
And i could sense that she is genuine.
I so like her blue evening dress! So flowy....
But i still think my Miss Mexico is gorgeous!

Anyone can help me collect?

I don't know how now.
I'm going JB for seafood with my colleagues on the 12th.
But,i just received the letter for collection of my passport today..
On Monday is Public Holiday.
I worked morning shifts for the next 3 consecutive days..!
How to collect????
Arrgh..!

And,
the weather now is super nice...
Heavy rain,dark clouds and no thunder..!
A great way to snuggle in bed!
Hahaa!
Actually,I was thinking about what Lovey has told me the other night.
He wanted to go Bintan with me near end of this month.
But he always say but never do!
And so i dont want to think about it.
I will be going Malacca with Kak Mid & her daughter anyway!! :)
I'm going to be a bankrupt soon!!
*sobs*

Get away from my Migraine.

I had fun today.
I was on MC yesterday due to my Migraine.
Stayed at home and rest for the whole day and met up with Mus at night after his work.
Went to meet my Kak Mid today to get our bus ticket to Malacca on the 19th of this month.
Going for a short trip.
Then we head down to Royal plaza on scotts for our high tea and then off to karaoke...
Had an enjoable evening..
Thanks kak Mid.

Summary of my absence from Blogger.

• Been and back from Bangkok, Thailand.
• Stressed out with work due to JCI Audit.
• JCI Audit is over last week.
• Noorhisham is getting engaged,congrats.
• Mus and me are doing fine.
• Mom is ending work soon=Full-time housewife.
• Been planning out on working in Dubai.

I cant,I miss u blogger.

I can't coz i miss you blogger.
I still think ur the best actually..
I get all the privacy here but not in multiply...
I got all anonymous readers there but here only people who are close to me knows abt it...
I guess i will come back here..
I admit that there's loads of sad posts here but it the fact right and i can't change it...
If i change it then it wont be real...
I miss you blogger..
Sorry that i left you for awhile....
I will stay on for sure...
I promise...

Today is the beginning of my annual leave again.
I'm not going anywhere this time round.
Like you know,one of my resolution this year is to save money.
I wanna have a sum of money to prepare for my rainy days.
My colleagues has been bugging me to take a part-time degree but i
dont think that is my ultimate priority for now.
And I met with someone new..his name is Ady Ahmari..
a nice chap i must say..
We had a long night learning about each other's past and basically getting to know each other.
I enjoyed his company and find his presence as somewhat nice :)
I hope we could last and make good company for each other :)
I don't want to put any heart into this..
coz he clearsly says he is not into any kind of a relationship...
i understood and agreed.
Cheers to us.

The End.

To all my avid readers,
I will not be blogging here anymore.
When i read back all my previous post,
I noticed too many sad posts.
So Emo...


I'm starting to blog @ multiply.
Much fun there.

Thank you.
Goodbye Blogger.

Cancelled.

Moral of the story:
Don't plan ahead.

Holiday with Bestie is cancelled.
She just don't feel like going.
Fine.
Holiday with Family is also most probaby gonna be cancelled coz' Mom don't feel like going as she is fearful of the Monsoon season.
Sigh.
I feel like going holiday alone la.
Luckily,I am going to Bangkok next week.
But what am i gonna do during my leave?
I have to go somewhere.
Somewhere out of Singapore.
And guess what?
I can't wait for my bond to end.
1 year plus to go before i could say Bubbye to them all...
Pls pls...quickened the time....
I'm getting sick of everything here.

Hurt.

I hope I am wrong...
But it clearly shows it is so right...
How could you....
I'm so dissapointed with you...
So so hurt...

Bad Night.

Last night at work sucks.
I was given 2 patients to nurse.
But problem is,both patients are intubated!
And my Bed 10 patient collapse in the middle of the morning!
I was dancing away like a mad women the whole shift from beginning til the end of my 12 hours shift!
One bed needs frequent suctioning,frequent corrective replacement,tube feeding and changing of diaper.
Another bed is freaking not stable. I had to assist in intubation with that freaking irritating cum action -bagos -tapi -tak -bagos Doctor!Luckily another doctor came by and finally suceeded with the intubation with just one try.That was not the end.This irritating doc have to spoil my night la.He took hours to set IV plug and IA line..fair enough... the patient have difficult venous access but you don't have to be irritating can?? If you want to order or ask for something,make it in a more polite way and think before you talk!!! I don't have 5 hands and 4 legs ok!And i'm not your maid!!!I don't mind if i'm nursing only one patient but hello!I'm nursing 2 patients and my another patient needs my attention too!
I though things are settling down at about 245am...as i was about to write my freaking report for my bed 9,I suddenly saw my bed 10 struggling..I went closer,saw secretions in its oral cavity,I quickly grab the suction.As i suction superficially,the patient just desat and then went into asystole...without wasting a second,I shouted for help while I grab the air viva bag and started bagging the patient,my colleague ran in and started chest compressions.It took us almost 30 mins to revive the patient back..we all almost thought that the patient has gone.After 5 doses of Adrenaline,continuous chest compressions and bagging,the patient came back.then,started inotropes and all. And at that very hour,the doc wanted to set a central line coz of difficult venous access.As expected of him,the doc failed to set the line!! aarrgghh....!I was really very thankful that my code nurse helped me alot.If not because of her,I would have broke down and leave my workplace coz I was freaking stressed up and irritated.I kept dancing like a mad women till 7 am when my colleague for the next shift came by...I was really speechless that I havent write a word for my report and that freaking irritating doc kept ordering corrective infusions and blood transfusions for my two patients..one after another!!I passed over to my colleagues taking over as properly as possible..My nursing manager saw me and was shocked to see that i' still not home yet. I just looked at them expressionlessly and said i have not done with my report.After i cleared all my stuffs and do my report.It was already 9am when i supposed to go back home at 7am...Haiz..Bad night.

My Deepavali Outing.

My close buddies and me went out today since noon till 10 pm.

We treated ourself to a movie,karaoke session,food and more food...!

I even got a chance to shop for my Origin facial product although i'm out with two guys.

They got no prob in following me and Kak Midah to shop around,coz we understands each other needs..Man are man...woman are woman lor..

We sang our heart out at Cash box studio before we call it a day....phew! tired but worth the fun!

Actually today was meant to be a Hari Raya outing among our CICU colleagues but due to some problem,they have to cancel it..I'm happy it was cancelled though. :)

Dream Marathon??

FYI,it has been quite awhile since i had a dream when i'm asleep.
I dunno why actually.
But last night was different.
I was very tired as i did not sleep after my night shift.
I went out with my family and only got home at around 9pm.
By then,I was truly exhausted.
I fell asleep from 10 pm till 1pm today.
Imagine that??
I had a dream marathon.
One dream after the other!
Gosh..and the dreams are all so random la..
I have never thought of them previously but i dreamt of them like i just met them the day before lor...

The first dream was about Someone...
Ok ok...i am really,truly,frankly saying that i have gotten over him for so long and hav been able to get him out of my head for some time already...
But i dreamt not only bout him,but his mom and his bro too!
It was really weird.
The dream was like this:
It was Hari Raya still...
Me and my family went visiting to our relative's houses.
Then,it was actually this last house that we went before we wanted to call it a day.
When we reached the place,as usual,we greeted ''assalammualaikum'' at the doorstep while i heard a very noisy background of peeps talking and laughing.
We then went in when our relative offered us in.
I was damn shocked when i saw Someone's mom.
She looked very happy and was smiling so sweetly to me.
She held her hand asking me to hug her.
I went closer,kissed her hand and hugged her.
I saw tears in her eyes.
I didn't say anything coz i was too shocked to see her there in my relative's place.
Then i heard a familiar voice...
"Mummy! where do i put this stuffs??"
I saw Someone...
We were both shocked..
We couldnt utter a word..
Then i suddenly acted like i know him for ages..
''Hey Someone! *with a super friendly-buddy tone*what are u doing here..?"
He replied to me with his super friendly-buddy tone too saying that he is just a tenant in the house..will stay there for few months before they head back to Perth next yr...
I just nodded with a smile..
and he replied with a smile..
Then i turned around and saw his bro...
Aww...he looked so ''abang-abang'' now..as good-looking as his Abang i must say..
Dayat smiled very widely to me...
I just laughed and giggle coz of his adorable-ness... :)
I turned back to Someone's Mom and still saw her serene smile...
I went closer to her and told her not to tear...
She just replied saying how much she misses me...
I just hugged her again and told her that i miss her too...
Then,Someone came and sat close beside me and do some ketchups with each other..
We talk like nothing has happened between us...*I wish i could be how i was in my dream*
I managed to tease Someone's bro too...
asking him whether he already has a galfren..
He just smiled cheekily... haha!
Then, i woke up from my sleep.................
What was that????? I wondered to myself...
I just uttered some prayers wishing that they are all doing good and then went back to sleep coz i was really tired.
My body was aching.

Not long after,
I had another long dream...
I dreamt of Didicazli.
Yes the local Malay Singer...
I have never thought of him or liked him...
He have never crossed my mind since Forever lor....
I dreamt that he made performance in my school..
And it was my primary school!! Haha!
He performed and had his eyes on me as i was the one sitting on the front rows..
He sang and focused on me..
He then went down from the stage and went closer in my direction...
He approached me and sang his heart out to me...
His voice was really nice and soothing in my dream..
I was really mesmerized by how he looks at me..
We were drowning in each other's eyes...
He then held me closer and kissed me on my forehead...
weird thing is although it was a school event,no one stopped us from making that lovey-dovey scene...
I see many students and teachers around me but they r just there to fill up the empty spaces i guess...
Then Didicazli whispered something in my ear..
I couldn't hear him and was trying my best to make him repeat but i had to wake up from that dream...
Haiz.........
It felt really real for both of the dreams....
I never thought i was in a dream..
I woke up really teary for my first dream and hearbeat was really rapid when i woke up from my second dream...
So,do you think this is indeed a 'dream' marathon..???
*laughed to myself*

Too many trips.

I need more rest..
I only have two days off after 3 consecutive working days.
I feel very fatigue.
I need vitamin supplement.

Meet up with bestie today.
Accompanied her to SIM to enrol for her Degree course.
Then headed to town to have our lunch.
We are so like old grandmothers.
Everything also tired.
Probably we are just tired of walking around Singapore.
haha!
We decided to slack around at Starbucks Wisma.
We were discussing about where to go this coming December.
I suggested Sabah to bestie.
I wanna see Mount Kinabalu!
Bestie asked me to find out more about it.
I find Sabah very attractive with its flora and fauna.
I did my research and already smsed bestie regarding the price.
I hope bestie coud get a same date as my leave slot and agrees to my suggestion.
Bestie,purrleeease...?? :)

And oh yes,
I'm going to the travel agency this weekend to book a short vacation to either Tioman or Langkawi with my family.
Gonna have a family vacation in my December annual leave slot too.
I hope i am able to squeeze my trips into my slot.
And 3 more weeks to my Bangkok getaway.
:)


And did i tell you that my bro thought i am crazy coz i'm travelling out too frequently.
FYI,travelling is my new Love.
*wink*

Those were beautiful memories.

I am like really drained out with work.

When i woke up from my sleep post night shift,

I went over to my Beloved Lappy and start to browse old photos from my thumbdrive.

Then i saw pictures of my past.

So sweet i thought.

Here you go...

When i was with Someone

When i was with Muhd Azhar.

Aww..... :)

This is so random.

I'm hungry now.

Need to fill up my tank.

A Summarized Updates.

Matters between me and Someone was finally resolved.
So peace between me and him.

Recently my recent Ex,Azhar called me up after like six months since our breakup.
I was actually shocked and curious but i kept my cool.
Hmm..then he told me that he's been thinking about me recently and thought that he just wanna check on me.
That is sweet i thought.
Then,he finally told me that he is getting married.
He was really stammering and nervous when he wanted to break the news to me.
I could hear it in his voice lor...
As for me,I find it as a pleasant news and congratulated him with my happy voice.
He expected the opposite of me.
I told him that what happened between me and him has a reason for happening and that i'm all and all happy to hear the news and was teary because i'm so touched that he remembered me as someone he used to love.
He was not convinced when i told him that i am still single and free to mingle...haha!
He thought guys would all be after me when we broke up coz he thought i have all the qualities of an almost perfect wife...
I was like ??????
Then i told him that it is just not the time yet.
I will meet with the one when it is time.
I'm happy now.
After the conversation,
I couldn't fall asleep coz i was thinking about what has happened between us.
We just clashed in personality.
That's all.
I just hope that he will settle down soon with his fiance and lead a blissful life :)

Aside from that,
I saw a very very attractive guy yesterday.
I was having dinner with my Kak Midah after work @ Swensen Bugis.
I was busy chit chatting and laughing and my eye caught a glimpse of someone staring at me from that direction.
We met in the eyes and the world just stop spinning for few seconds.
Aaarhh..we got drown in each other's eyes...
I don't know how to decribe his face but i was really charmed!
I notice that all the time i got him checking me out maybe becoz i have chilli paste from my pasta sticking all over my face...haha!
Haiz...why didn't you ask for my number...??
haha!
I still can remember how he looks like now..
with that blue shirt tucked in,black sleek pants and smart black shoes....aaarhhh.....so hot!
Enough of dreaming.
Back to reality.

And lastly...
I finally meet up with my kekasih gelap on the 1st week of raya..
We were really missing each other so much...
of coz we dont go jalan raya la..haha
we meet up and pour out our misses with each other...hahaha!
We were whining to each other about our busy work and how tired we get at the end of the day.
As was busy whining to him,he suddenly kept quiet and smile very sweetly to me and said..''you're appearing more and more beautiful as days goes by Bi..."
Aww...so sweet of him..
i'm still the same....maybe you're falling for me as days goes by eh Bi...???
But we are glad we have each other as an emotional support.
Love Love my kekasih gelap.
We'll meet soon k Lovey...

Hari Raya 2008

So this is my family potrait.
Hari Raya this year was plain Jane.
I only went out on the first day to visit my paternal and maternal grannies.
Other days,
I'm just at home as a part-time guest entertainer and kitchen helper cum cook whenever I have guests coming over my house.
And oh yes,much time and $$$ spent on Hari Raya this year.
Since i'm already working,stuffs spent for Raya like decorative items or so are much spent from my own savings.
I'm actually very glad that i could ease the burden of my parents.
Alhamdulilah...I am able to give out green packets to all the kids whom i meet during my visits.
Though it wasn't a big amount but i'm sincere ok. :)

And oh yes!
I got many peeps who complimented on my room.
Thanks for the compliment.
I just love a clean,comfy and personalized room for myself.
So this is the small,humble room of mine...




And before i forget,
I think it is not too late for me to extend my apology and wish a Wonderful Aidilfitri to everyone whom i didn't get a chance to meet.
May we meet in another time.Insya Allah.

Missing it.

I miss blogging so much !!!!!!
Like really really really loads of misses lor..
Few more days til' i get my new lappy ok??
:)
Loads of updates you know...

Downtime.

My comp is down.
I think i need a new desktop.

Niways,
Happy advance Hari Raya.
Im at work now.
Haha!

More updates when i get my new comp.
:)

Where to go?

Vacation to Bangkok is confirmed.
Will be going in mid November during my consecutive off days with my working kakis.
And that would mark my first time travelling by Air.
Its ok,there is always first time for everything.
I just hope that situation in Bangkok will be very much settled by then.
Mom is freaking worried about my safety there.
I just pray that everything will be just fine.

In Mid December,
I will be having my last slot of annual leave.
Planning to bring my family to either Langkawi,Bintan or Tioman for a short vacation.
I want to bring mom for SPA sessions.
She is really into all these SPA thingy.
I also hope that i got a few more days to spare for Bestie.
Planning to go for a short trip with her too.
But still have not decided yet.
Hopefully we can decide on where to go soon.
Tell me soon alrite bestie?

Its already more than 2 weeks of Ramadhan.
Alhamdulilah,i havent missed a day.
I wish i could complete the whole month.
Syawal is coming...
My whole family have not even prepare our Baju Raya yet.
Frankly i'm not looking forward to it.
I feel sad coz Ramadhan is leaving soon.

I Prefer.

I feel so relieved now.
I've told Him that i can't pursue a relationship with him coz i simply can't develop a Love for him.
As for Him,
Ok ok...he is actually my Kekasih gelapku (Mus)...haha!
We shall just be how we used to be...
not expecting anything from each other..
I like it that way.
We are both cool with it.
:)
And we are so really missing each other so much coz its been a more than a month since our last meet-up!!
He has been complaining to me about how much he misses me..
I miss you too Lovey!

Dilemma.

Should i give it a try?
Or should i jus remain where i am now..?
His confessions seems so convincing...
While His Love seems real although wasn't as convincing as his..
He probably need more time to settle his own stuff although he is very matured in age..
He is on the other hand so confident about the future at a fairly young age.
I have not develop Love for him yet.
But i have so called fallen for him already.
I have known him for almost 4 years already.
And i have known him for approximately 9mths.

I'm in a dilemma.

What happened?

Yes,I dont know what happened to him.
He seem to be so short-tempered now.
He gets mad really quickly.
I will still drive him mad even though i 'm polite in whatever way i could.
I understand that probably he gets irritated coz i asked him whether are we like meeting or not and then i decided to msg him the next day again saying that :

''since we r both busy,then we just forget abt meeting and i shall just keep those stuff and if ever i find that it is haunting me abt the past,i shall just discard it but for now i'm really fine.
those are just memories :) .''

That was what i msged him.
And then i got a reply from him which sounded so rude.
I was shocked.
I didnt know that my msg could cause him to be so unhappy.
To think that the words in the msg comes from him is really almost unexpected.
Coz i know him as a polite,courteous,patient and almost impossible to-get-angry person.

I just thought that if i could resolve the matter earlier it would be better right...
it wont have to be delayed..
And i never want to trouble anybody coz i know everyone is busy with work and all...
He is the one who initiated to meet to pass over the stuff personally to him.
I appreciate his concern though.
But look at the situation..
You are always busy and i'm on shiftwork...
If we ever gets to meet it would be like weeks later....
And i don't want to be always thinking abt the matter almost everyday before it could resolved.
I just thought that i should come to a conclusion and keep moving on.
Am i not doing the right actions..???

But if my good intentions doesn't meant good for him,
I really dont know.
My mom did ask abt all these when we were sahur-ing just now.
I couldn't contain myself when i told her abt what he replied to me.
I just burst into tears.
My mom reassured me that probably he said it out of anger.
My dad reprimanded me not to msg him anymore.
My dad was really serious and he really meant what he said.
I told that I have stopped msging him or emailing him for like 2 months already but he is the one who wants me to contact him back coz he wants to meet me personally to get the stuff.
My dad just warned me that from now on he don't want me to cry or said abt him anymore.
I just couldnt stop crying and i wasnt able to finish up my food.
I went to the kitchen,get 2 tabs of Panadol and then went to my room.
Looks like my flu and sore throat is not going to get any better.
I'm so done with all these.

Happy Fasting.

Wishing all Muslim a blessed month of Ramadhan.

I'm so in Love with this month..

Reason being,it makes me feel calm,loved and full of patience...

May this yr's Ramadhan bring some blessings for me and you.

De-stressing session.

Met with the ladies yesterday's evening.
All of us did not plan to meet.
But after much thought,
we decided to meet up and de-stress.
As usual,
We talk & laugh like there is no tomorrow.

And today,
I went to meet up with Kak Midah (2nd Mom)..hehe
We went to book for our Bangkok trip in November.
Asked bestie along for the trip but she couldn't make it coz she is on perm night.
Therefore only Me,Kak Midah and Izzul will be going.
Then,
went to Ikea to buy some stuff for my room..
I'm glad i did find the stuff that i need..
We walk around Ikea till its like 1030pm..woah!
Well,you know i'm a freak when it comes to Home Decor rite...heheh!

Catch-up.

And finally,

I get to meet my bestie!

We have tonnes of stuff to ketchup with each other.

You wouldn't know how much i miss her...

I feel so happy that our day was well-spent.

We eat,watch movie and sat down for desserts @ Swensens till its almost midnight.

We talk about loads of stuff.

Work,Love,marriage,sex and many many more stuff.

I'm lucky i have you as my bestie.

I Love you.

And tomorrow will be another day of housewife session at home..

Gonna continue spring clean my house.

Oh yes,do you think i should go to his doorstep and place the stuff at his doorstep or i should just bury it somewhere?

But then again i am not really sure where his house is coz i have only been there once...

I ask mom but she told me to just keep it..

And i was like for what???

Just to make me feel hurt over and over again???

Be in my position then you will know how painful it is.

I shall see how it goes tomorrow.

If i am in the mood to go out then i mite just drop by his place and place it quietly at his doorstep..

If i'm not in the mood...I might just keep it first till i am less busy with housework.

this is life as a housewife you see.... haha!

Long Break.

I'm back from KL with my colleagues.

It was fantabulous.

We eat,drink,crap,laugh,sleep,dance and get crazy together.

Awesome right?

Haha!

And i'm on my annual leave!

Aaaahhh...I wanna do what i can't do when i'm working.

Got many errands to run to.

Got many housework to attend to.

And the month of Ramadhan is coming soon.

I'm so excited.

I love the peaceful month of Ramadhan.

Annual Leave

It is really super tiring.
Been working almost everyday.

Friday would be my last agony before i could enjoy my annual leave..
Will be leaving for KL on that very night.
I want to de-stress.

I miss you.

I miss my kekasih gelap...
Didn't really communicate much and its been long since we last met...
Its almost a month already...
I miss his crappy-ness...silly-ness...sweet-ness and irritating-ness... :)
He calls everyday saying he misses me loads too but past weeks he has been busy with work and last week he have to do his Reservist at Selarang camp. *sigh*
I miss my bestie too...
its really hard nowadays...
most of the things doesnt go in our way...
But i still Love you bestie..
I miss the times we used to have..

Should I,Should I not.

I wanna put away all the stuff..
Should i burn it or bury it..?
But i wasn't sure if i'm ready.
I want to but i don't want to..
Sometimes i feel that i'm oh-so-ready to throw it away
but at times i feel that those stuff used to be very meaningful and valuable..
But then again it used to be but it doesnt matter much now..
I should do it soon...
Probably during my upcoming annual leave,I'm gonna spring clean my room and get rid of all the unwanted stuff.

Marital Bliss.

Congratulation Ismalela and Hafiz.
May you have a blissful and everlasting marriage.
Kak Lela,u looked super duper gorgeous..!
Enjoy your Honeymoon in Bali alrite..?
I want to see the junior soon..! haha!
We gonna miss you at work..
Tk care.

Nation's Birthday.

Wishing Singapore a very Happy Birthday!

You've been doing awesome!

And hopefully many more awesome years ahead... :)

And I don't have to work today!

Yahoo...

Thanks to my nursing manager who thinks i deserve a break.

The Friday night was really hectic and crazy.

I was really sick and i have to admit a patient weighing 60kg and height of the big bed!

The BP was swingy and i have endless changes to make.

I never sat for the whole of the 12 hours!

What a night.

And loads of thank yousss to my colleagues for the beautiful and sweet G-shock watch that you guys have bought for my birthday..

I really Love it..

It is so me..

Simple and sweet...

Aww...

Love you guys..!

Overworked.

Think im overworked.
Now i'm down with a bad migraine,flu and a very sore throat.
I took 2 tabs of Paracet and put myself to sleep.
I wake up this morning with a not-s0-good feeling.
I could feel that my whole body is in pain.
aarrggh..I hate to fall sick.
I'm on night shift today.
Hopefully i could pull through and hav a bit of rest tomoro before i head down to Kak Lela's place to attend her solemnisation ceremony tomoro's evening.
I'm going to her place again on Sunday for her bersanding ceremony but i hope i could drag myself there and join my other colleagues.
Why must i work on Saturday??
Can i pls have an advance day off ...???
Oh ya i forgot i 'm the one who requested to work coz i want to earn more $$ since its a public holiday.
Haiz..making money ain't easy ok.
I really hope i could go Dubai and work there after i'm done with another 2 years of bond with KKH.
Nurse's life there is so much better compare to here.
But Mom is not in favor with the idea.
She would agree only if i'm going there with someone she knows i'm happy with.
Bestie, would you come with me..?
We could earn loads of $$!!
And probly get a handsome and rich husband there...???
hahaha!siao.!
Ok stop dreaming Yati!
Singapore is not so bad what...
peaceful and secure..
Woohoo.. Nation's Birthday is just 2 days away.
My sense of patriotism is building up now..
Haha! I am so contradicting!!
Oh well..maybe i'm sick and that is why i can't think straight.
Get well soon pls.

Happy Nurse's Day.

Wishing all Nurses in the world a Happy Nurse's Day.
Work was freaking busy..!!
No more a happy nurse. :(

Thanks to everyone who has wish me via SMS..
Thanks Bestie...thanks Emily...

And thank you to my 'kekasih gelapku' for being so sweet calling me for several times just to wish me Happy Nurse's Day. :)

New Phone.

Let me introduce you to my new phone.

Samsung Omnia.

I was actually captivated by the HTC touch Diamond but due to the phone comparison i did,Omnia wins it becoz it has larger and expandable external memory.I have got to tell you that i love my new companion.I really hope that i will not lost it like how i lost my Samsung flat series the other time.

A note to all my contacts,

I have already updated all of you regarding the change of my number.

If i have missed any of you,pls feel free to msg my old number and asked my younger bro for my new number ok ?

:)

I don't get you.

Bestie,
I seriously don't understand you.
I don't get what you are trying to convey to me.
I am seriously working very hard.
I'm not fooling around with my colleagues at work.
And we don't even get to see each other everyday like what you said in the sms.
We only clash in shift like once or twice in a month.
Is it wrong when they ask me out for seafood in JB?
And they have always told me in advance coz they know i was having off days.
You didn't even tell me that you wanna meet and you get pissed off when you found out i'm in JB with them.??
I admit that i always give reason that i am tired whenever you ask me to go to gym.
(you should know how much i hated the people in the gym)
But when going out with you,I always want to even though i'm tired.
You know what's the different between you and my colleagues?
I have always turn down my colleague's offers for so many times compared to you.
But then again,I know you're my bestie and that is why i try my very best to sacrifice for you coz you're my bestie.
But in occasion that i'm really very tired,I have to admit of coz.
Maybe my colleague understood me better coz we work in the same place.
They feel what i feel.
At times when ICU get busy or wat,they truly know how hectic it is and when i turn down their offers,they truly understand.
I have to say that working in general ward is as tiring too but i have never complain to you if you get tired or wants to rest at home instead of going out with me.I really don't mind at all.
I just don't get you.Really.
Is it too much for me to ask from you to understand me a bit?
And pls don't say to me that" i'm always out with my colleagues coz i'm getting bored of you or has found a new bestie."
It hurts me ok and it is truly self-centered of you to say that.
Whatever it is,I just don't get you.
I was truly hurt and disappointed.

22nd Birthday.

I turned 22 today.
I cried the moment the clock hits 12 midnite last nite...
As i was already in my room resting,I got a sms from Mum.
It was so touching..I couldn't hep but to cry...
Though it was a well wishing text,i can't help but to cry coz I know my mum somehow could understand what I have been going tru' for the past year...
Every new year for me would mean i have to always be prepared for tougher challenges in life..
But i never regret this life journey that i am going through...

Thanks a million to you people for the birthday wishes:
Raihan
Salihin
Fairuz
Mus (Kekasih Gelapku)
Mum
Sham
Yani
Kak Hamidah
Dad
Wani
Arifa
Irfan ( Ex-California Fitness P.T)
Izzul
Izzah
Geetha
Bros
Cuzzins
&
the rest whom i think might have missed it.

I wanna sleep soon.
Will be working again tomorrow morning.
Am tired.

So that was how i celebrated my birthday.

Congratulation Abg Az.

Date:080808

Duit Hantaran:$8888

Venue: Woodlands CC

Theme: Kampong Style

Wishing Abg Azhar and wife a blissful and everlasting marriage.

Congratulations.

You guys looked dazzling...!

It sucks to be at a wedding...

Not because the occasion wasn't merry..

But becoz the people kept bugging you with stupid questions that could actually pissed you off and spoil your mood.

Could you people pls stop announcing to the world that my parents are gonna be the next Mak n Bapak pengantin????

Coz they're not ok....I'm not getting married anytime soon..!

And i don't even have a partner yet and you all confidently say

"Jgnlah sembunyikan future hubby,kenal2 kan lah kat sedare..nanti nak kahwin next yr kan senang da kenal2 ngan sdare..."

What the heck..??????

Bunch of buggers...

Assuming is really really bad people!!

Get alive !

Lovelies.

Lovely aren't they..?
I have never celebrated or treat myself for my birthday,
Therefore i decided to treat myself to get the Lovelies..
Been admiring since the 1st time i laid my eyes on them.
Got it.
I love what i got.
And some people love mine too. *wink*
haha!
And oh yes..
I'm working on my birthday itself.
I'm working again on the very next day too!!
Like sh** eh?
Whatever la.
Work got money wat...
so just work and shuddup ok!

Clear this up.

Let's just make this clear..
My dearest Mus (Kekasih gelap) is just someone whom i am close too.
Both of us enjoys each other company...
We are like buddy with each other or perhaps our soul clicks la...
Nothing like a real kekasih...
We only meet once in a while coz both of us are real busy with work...
But when we do meet..
We have nice feelings for each other...
The best thing is both of us have sort of the same history..
We lost our Real Love in a Long distance relationship...
Therefore..we understands each other really well..
And we don't expect anything from each other though we are close..
That is why i say-we rock each other socks!
Both of us deserve to smile after all the heartache-sss ok....
:)
So people...don't assume if you don't know...

You makes me smile.

My Kekasih Gelapku,

I don't know why.
I always smile when i'm with you.
Maybe becoz we don't expect anything from each other.
We rock each other's socks la...haha!

Working Ladies out for Buffet.

From Left:
Izzah,Kak Hamidah,Kak Juliana,Kak Lela,Raihan,Kak Yati & Kak Sakirah
The Camera Person:
Me :)


Buffet session @ Straits Kitchen (Grand Hyatt) with my colleagues was fun.
Sort of like the Malay ladies outings la.
My seniors best and gerek la...
I love you people to bits...! :)

Better now than later.

I'm glad i did tell you at last.
It is better to feel hurt now than later...
I'm sorry coz you feel hurt...
But we r still frens..
You should be thankful for that...
If any other girl were to be in my position,you will definitely gain an enemy...
So peace out.
:)
And oh yes..
Thanks a lot coz you understood me.
You deserve someone better...perhaps a gorgeous Pakistani girl..? :)

Just Friends.

Mr Rafie Khan...
I guess I just have to tell you soon..
I really can't...
I can't be the girl you used to Love..
Now..
This girl is much nore wiser..
I learnt alot from the past...
I'm not holding grudges or whatsoever...
I just can't Love you back...
I thought I might fall back into you once again..
But it seems that I'm wrong...
My heart just can't accept you anymore...
Maybe coz i have already given you so many chances before...
I'm now trying my best to tell all these so that i could make you understand...
I hope i can tell you as soon as possible coz i don't want to lead you on...
And no matter how much you tried to prove to me that you've changed...
I am still not convinced...
I'm sorry...
And even my parents doesn't favor me to be with you...
My parents are not the sort who is very choosy of anyone who wants to be my special someone but I have notice that whenever it comes to you,
they are really not supportive..
I have my own principle which i believe in and my heart tells me that i can't Love you...
And with that kind of respond from my parents about you...
I really think we should just be friends.
Oh god,pls give me the courage to tell him all these.

Shut it off.

Oh shut up...!

Have i not told you people that I'm allergic to that?
Enough is enough...
Don't get me mad..
Coz' I might bite..

I believe that there are so many things that matters more than 'that'...
So please....!
Shut up or get lost...

Comeback.

It has been about almost 2 years since we ended things.
Now you come back wanting like the fourth or fifth chances..?
I'm not being cruel or stone-hearted here but i just don't think we could actually be back in Love like last time.
I know life has been very hard for you after I left you...
But you asked for it..
And now you always says that you really think that you've hurt me so badly.
And so.???
I'm really sorry to hear about the lost of your father few days after i left you but maybe it was planned by Him that way so that you could actually realize how not to take someone who Loves you for granted.
It has always been me that you think about everyday since 2 years ago.
You wanna know why..?
Coz' at that point of time i'm so stupid to Love you with all my heart and with uttermost sincerity..and that is why no matter how many hot,pretty girls who are after you,you still think i'm the one for you.
I can see that you've changed a lot for the better...
You're a changed man...
It is nice to know that i have been your inspiration all this while...
I could also see that your actions speaks a lot about how strong your feelings is for me...
But i don't know why...
My heart just doesn't responds...
It is numb...
A lot of things happened in the past 2 years...
It has been a tough journey for me too...
And i think i have told you about it..
It may seems like a normal 'heartbreak' to you coz i make it sound normal and i don't want to give full details of it...
but deep within me remains a mystery to you..
Probably time is the only answer...
And also with time i can really see how true your feelings are for me..
For now...
I hope you don't expect anything from me...
If we are fated to be.it will be...
If we are not.we're not gonna be.

Bestie's Rabbit Death.

My bestie's Rabbit died.
It was due to Breast Cancer.
After i got a call from bestie weeping about her rabbit's death,
I quickly hailed a cab and went to Bestie's place...
Bestie was really affected by it...
We then went to East Coast park to bury her poor rabbit.
While we were digging out the sand ,
I saw bestie crying..
I wanted to cry too but i have to be strong coz bestie needs me...
And so the poor rabbit was buried by us..
May you rest in peace...
Don't be sad ok bestie..?

I know i have always been busy with work recently and has failed to be your bestie..
I'm really sorry...
Work hasn't been easy for me...
I am really draining out from it...
I come back home everyday to sleep most of the time...
I can't wait for my leave in August.
I really hope we could go out for a short trip somewhere soon...
Think we need some quality time together...
I'm really sorry...