Which One?

Tioman Island? Redang Island?


Me and My Bestie AKA Cho-co-la-tes (Arifa) is planning for a short vacation this coming March...
But we are a first timer traveller and therefore we decided to opt for a getaway which is not too far from home...
And
We want a resort getaway of coz!!
So we'll be coming to a conclusion on which resort we both should be heading to...
And plus We gonna celebrate Ifa's 21st birthday there too....
Aww...so memorable 21st birthday....
Even though its only the two of us...
But its surely gonna be a fun,memorable and romantic vacation for us...! LOL

And I 'm going to splurge on my upcoming KL trip this February too...
I don't think i wanna do shopping there...
Probably just wanna have fun...??
Well,my Malay colleagues will all be going...
So why not right..??
Hmm...
But I am still excited over my March vacation...
Hopefully i can change my Annual Leave slot...
I really need a break before i break...

Workhaholic

Work has been really hectic and busy...

Turnover rates are super fast...

I'm like working 4 days(12 hours shift) consecutively..

Phew ...

tell me about it....

I looked as sick as the kids there....

*shakes head*

..................................

To the Abused Kid,

Rest in peace darling...

* Reciting Al-Fateha*

And to the Biological father of the kid,

It must have been really hard for you...

You looked so down and hopeless yesterday...

I feel you..

I am just speechless to talk about the Mom and so called 'Daddy'(Mom's Boyfriend) of the kid...

*roll eyes*

Where is the Love?

I was in the bus on my way home from my Night Shift...

I pondered upon the situation and try putting myself in their shoes...

I couldn't understand still...

Children are like the most precious gift from god...

You may say that i've not yet become a mother and i don't understand how it is

but my mom is a mother and no matter how bad situation goes,she never ever abuses her priviledge of being a parent...

same goes to my Dad...

But things doesn't works the same for this particular family...

The Scenario is:

A young parents with a 3 year old Kid...

The 3 yr old kid admitted in the A&E department,

Unconsious,pupils fixed and dilated,bruises all over.

Main diagnosis: Non-Accidental Child Abuse

The child looks really bad...

I was like holding back my tears when i saw the poor kid in that kind of condition...

I just couldn't understand the parents...

What 's with them...?Where is the Love..??

And whenever i see them along the corridor,

I feel like going up to them and just give a very disgusted look & curses...

I really tried my very best to understand their situation but it couldn't be that very bad right..??

I meant you always have the right to lay hands on your child if he misbehaves but there is always a limit right..??

where did all your patience gone to..??

This is really too much....

Now the child is like fighting for his life...

And i could sense that he will not be able to make it...

With all the Inotropes and ventilator support withdrawn,this poor kid will surely go...

Well at least he will be in heaven and not in the hell of his family...

I'm really sorry for my harsh words but i just couldn't help it..

It hurts me alot to see kids suffering and it hurts me more coz I'm very drawn to kids...

On a more positive note,

I feel so grateful to my parents for all the Love that they have showered me.

And i really think that these experiences being a nurse for the sick children will make me be a better parents in the future..

Insya Allah....

A new day starting from tomorrow.

I feel so at peace with myself now...
I learnt a lot hearing from what he says about my atitude...
I know where is my weakness,fault and flaws now...
We both learnt from our past relationship...
Well at least i cleared my mind off everything and willing to face life with strong faith and Love for my beloved family especially my dearest Mom...

I'm glad we finally meet and cleared all the misunderstandings that was left hanging for a moment...
You've been through what i was going tru for several times already and i think it is about time that you finally find the bliss and happiness in a relationship...
As for me,this experience is like an event for seeking and finding my inner strength...
And now, i also know the true meaning of Love-Sacrifice...
Sacrificial act for someone you love is the biggest thing you could do in order to make your loved ones and youself happy...

I'm now looking forward to live each day with the Love of my family and frens...
God-willing i will be able to meet my soulmate in time to come...
And now,I just want to dote on and pamper my mom coz i feel guilty for having to let her feel and bear the pain together with me for all this while...
I may not know really how it feels for a mother to see her crying daughter everyday but i am sure it is hurting...
and mom,you really don't deserve that....forgive me for that mom...
I could see how happy you was just now when you came back home with Dad and seeing me at the door with a smile on my face...

I just want to thank god for everything....
And i will continue to pray for the best of my family,his family,him and myself...
and although my Love wasn't fated to be,i feel so grateful that it is indeed a happy ending with a slightly different twist to the storyline...*smile*

Someone will always be a Memori Indah in my life...

Tomorrow is definitely gonna be a new day...

Mom's the best.

Conversation between Me and Mom early this morning
(Translated Version)
Mom:Why are your eyes swollen...?
Me: not enough sleep maybe...
Mom:But you're already asleep by 12 midnite which is not usually the case for you coz the earliest you would go to bed is around 1am...?
Me:I'm not feeling well...
Mom:Did you cried the whole night?
Me:*trying not to hear*
Mom: I saw you were stuck to the comp and then the next thing is i saw you were already in bed last night...
Me:*burst into tears* ( And then told mom about the mails)
Mom:Isn't it good? Someone you love is leading a happy life and will soon be settling down with his new partner that is fated for him...you are not fated for him and you cannot be sad about it...in this world,we are made for someone we are fated to be with and you have to accept that. You cannot keep on crying and be sad about it..it will not benefit you and it will also make him feel bad and guilty...don't do that to people dear,you must open up your heart and be willing to let go of the past and make everybody happy including yourself ok?
I know you still Love him...as your mom,i know you too well...you can always Love him but try to erase the feelings off as time goes by and try to open up your heart to someone who could Love you like how you would Love him...you can always pray everyday for your Loved ones but don't you forget to pray for yourself too...pray to god that you will be able to erase those feelings and that your Soulmate will come by soon...
Can you pls stop crying like a kid..?? Remember everything that i have just said...
Me:*nods head*Do you think it is okay for me to go and meet him to settle things for the last time..?
Mom: Please go...as soon as you get home from meeting him..i really hope eveything will be cleared off and you'll be better.
Me: I really hope for that too.
Mom:Ok,i'm going to work now..you have a gd rest at home or go out with your frens if you feel lonely ok ?
Me:*kiss her hand and both cheeks* i think i 'll just be at home..I just want to rest coz i'm working tomorrow..
Mom:Ok

Night Survivor.

I survived my Night...!!

It was peaceful....
I love working at night...
I could even find the time to read storybooks...
unlike my day shift,I can't even find a time to sit...!!
I'm loving my night shift for now...*grin*



Widest Sleepy Smile

Wider Sleepy Smile

Wide Sleepy Smile

Finally asleep @ 12 noon-6pm

To my own heart.

My heart,

Pls try to be strong and cast away all the pain,hurt and misery that has been coming in your way ok?
Pls try to recover quickly ok...?
Pls try to not make me cry always ok...??
Pls try to be less sensitive to stuffs ok...??
Pls pls pls to stop breaking yourself into pieces ok???
Pls don't shut yourself forever ok..???
And
Pls pls pls pls...let the past pass....pls...
Don't you feel hurt seeing me almost dying...?
So my heart,
Pls reconsider what i have just said ok....????

To readers:
Pardon me coz i'm just doing and intra-communication with my heart.

New Year,New stuffs.

I will start 12 hours shift tomorrow...like finally!!!
And to add thrill to it,my first slot is my Night shift!!
We shall see if i can survive.....


And I have already replied to his mail.....
Hope that will be fine...

I'm going out for a movie date with Mr Farhan AKA Abang Charming...LOL
and i hope you better not show your tired face coz today is suppose to be your sleeping
day after your night shift...and you are the one who wants to go out today ok... haha!

And to My bestie Ifa,
We'll go and find a laptop for you soon ok...
Maybe on Tuesday k ..
I miss you already....haha!!

Simply said.

*tearing*

the moment i saw your name...

but deep beneath my heart..

I utter a prayer of relief to know that you are doing fine

coz all this while i'm living life everyday with a prayer for your well-being...

As i already told myself that i dont want to intrude myself into your life anymore because

i know if i were to do that,i will never be able to let you go ...

If we are gonna meet,

I truly want to let it all off.

But

always in a peaceful,rational way.

It is always the solution to solve problems.

If we are not gonna meet,

it shall be what it has been...

as long as i know i do not disturb you and cause any inconvenience

and

as long as i know Love of my life is living happily-

I am always thankful for that..

As for now i'm just waiting for a reply from you...

Well-Spent.

I spent my off days well...
And i am so contented about that....
I feel fresher after days of rest....

I went out with Arifa almost everyday...
It was fun even though its just the two of us...
we could laugh like there's 10 of us.....LOL

I'm gkad i did tell him that i wasn't ready for a relationship...
I tried my best to love him but it seems that my heart is still with my previous Love...
It takes time i know....
I wonder who will ever open up my heart...*sigh*

Well....
I have to work during new year!!!
It's such a pain but its ok....im used to always being at work whenever the public holidays is in e.g Christmas eve,christmas,new year etc...
Whatever la...
As long as i get my pay at the end of the day....
haha!!
Actually it is quite nice working during PH coz it is very peaceful and relaxing...
so that 's why i dont mind....

Oh yes,
What movie should i watch eh...?
I'm having movie date for the coming weekend...
Any movie for recommendation?
Well at least i could suggest it to him and not sleep during the movie coz it is so not my kind of movie...you know what i meant....

Okla..I want to go have my breakfast already..
stomach is growling...
I could swallow a cow i tell you!! LOL

And before I forget...
Happy New Year....
Welcome 2008!!
I really really really hope it will be a better year for me.....
Insya Allah...

Dear Mom...

Everything is fine...
i was fine until you have to mention his name...
I remember telling you that after that very day,
I don't want to hear anything about him or his name anymore..
Not because i hate him,
hatred is not my style...
I just don't want to keep having him lingering in my mind anymore...
It is very difficult to put thoughts of him aside..
I tried very hard everyday to slowly get on with my life and let him go,
Coz' i know he is happy and doing fine with his life there...
And that the very last SMS frm him was just shocking but made me stronger in getting over him..
I had to show a very sour face to you the moment you mentioned his very name...
I'm really sorry Mom...
I know you didn't meant to and it was just a slip of the tongue...
But Mom,
Do you know how my heart is breaking whenever I heard his name mentioned...?
You could mention his name once,but it is breaking my heart a million times...
god knows how much it hurts...
Seriously Mom,
I never love a person this very much...
no matter how much it is hurting me,I still Love him so much...
But i know and i'm very proud that i could Love till this great and that i am sure that i could Love my future husband even greater....(Insya Allah...)
And Mom,
i know you will always pray that i could meet someone whom i could love and be loved in return soon...
God's willing i will be able to meet him soon...but i need some time to recover first...
If i am fated to i will be fated to.....
I'm so sorry mom that i have to be rude to you because of just a word that you'd said...
I just hope i could be less sensitive to all these...
I love you mom.....
*tearing....*

Too many things,too little time.

First of all,
Get well soon Bi....
and don't push yourself too much if you can't handle it ok?
Nurse Yati is always ready to do her service... *smile*

And oh btw,
I still have not decide whether or not i want to be in a relationship or just remain happily single for god knows how long more....
It is indeed a very difficult decision to make...
I just don't know..
I'm happy and thankful with the life i'm leading now...
Each new day provided me with the strength for me to get over my past...
Although part of it can never be erased from my heart,
at the very least i can now have lesser amount of tears and heartbreaks in my everyday life...
Thankful to god...

Apart from that,

I'm so happy that i burnt a hole in my pocket...!!*wicked laughter*
Yes,I spend half of my bonus $$ on something that is very good and beneficial for myself...
And i hope it could satisfy me....
So,what do you think i got for myself...??*cheeky smile*

And another fun experience happened...
It was indeed a hott hott night!!
I can't believe i got him hooked ...
But hey baby,
you really have a killer-dimpled smile to die for....
And to my Bestie cum cho-ca-la-tes (Arifa),
I'm enjoying life although its only the two of us...
Coz we could bring the house down....hahaha!
You rock my sock buddy..!

And to my Elder Bro,
I'm so proud of you....
I didn't know you could earn that kind of salary...!
Now,I know you're working hard in silence...
But,
pls get urself a recognised cert so that you could secure a better future...
Freelance Musical Instructor without a recognised cert is quite difficult...
Just remember,
I'm always here to support whatever you're striving for....
Way to go Bro...

And....
I can't wait to start using the newly-bought present for myself which cost a big bomb...
Maybe i could start using it tomorrow after a hard-days work...*wink*

First Asian Idol.

Congratulation Hady Mirza for making us proud...

Although I've only been loving Taufik Batisah all this while,
But i truly have to be proud of you too coz you're an idol too...
you've got talent too...
But it is just that you have got to learn to be more captivating to the audience...
Learn in from Taufik Batisah...
He's really good in that...
he always make me hyperventilate whenever he appear in front of the TV or my eyes...

But really,
i have to say ...
it is really an unexpected result huh..?
I know you didnt expect it too..
you were so shocked on stage...
But Hey Hady,
you've won...!
Cheers to Singapore....!!
Way to go Hady Mirza!

p.s: Hady,thanks for singing Taufik's song.. :)

Trauma & Fear.

I kept thinking about it...
I dont know whether i should or whether i shouldnt....
I'm afraid that it might break my heart again....
It is just so traumatising....
I know i shouldnt assume that every guy is the same,
but i have the same tots in the past too...
But still, i cast the tots away coz i wanna give that someone and myself a chance...
but it still tore me apart till now...
I always hope that Love could be everlasting and the strength of Love could be built with time...
But I'm really afraid to hope too much now....

I don't know whether it is still too early to start life with someone I love...
Or I should just be grateful with being in a singlehood..??
Or maybe he is really the one for me??
Arrrrhhh....does it only happen to fairytale..??
I really dont know...

I think my emotions is still raw...
still thinking whether i should be given more time...
but i don't want to make him wait...
it is not so nice to do that....
arrrggghh...I don't know...
I want to erase all those fears that has been haunting me...

Oh god...
Please show me the right way....

Farewell Wishes.

To Dearest Sal,

I just wanna wish you all the very best in serving the nation.
2 years may seems long..
but patience & determination will help you go tru' it...
and you will surely make it till the end...
Always remember to tk gd care of yourself...
You will love the valuable experience in National Service...

Meanwhile,I shall think thru about what we've discussed...
and I will always pray for your well-being while you're away...
3 years of knowing each other have given me lots of sweet memories...
Gonna miss you for sure...
I wanna see the botak side of you soon..!! hahaha!

December.

It has been long since i last update my blog.
I don't have the drive to update my blog actually...
I do have interesting episodes whic could be a nice read-ups to the readers but i just can't bring myself to update...
I'm basically just plain lazy...

Well...its already December...
Fovorit month of mine...
lots of things happening actually...
Hari Raya Haji,Christmas and New Year...
That would also meant alot of Public Holidays...
I loike...

and did i say that i'm beginning to love my new phone..
Nokia 6120...
it may not be the popular phone but frankly it is user friendly and it looks very sweet just like me...*sweetest smile*
I'm still building my contacts after a major loss of my U600 Samsung hp...

and yes...
i have to say this...
I'm loving myself,my life and loved ones....
after reading a pin-up on the notice board@ my workplace,
i suddenly realize....
everything happens for a reason and the past made us stronger and wiser...
see how those neglected pin-ups can do wonders to me..?
I'm now a more positive thinker...
Thank god for everything....

Good things above the bad.

Whenever i think of the money i 'm going to spend on buying a new phone for myself, I feel so so irritated...
I thought the money can be use for other purposes...
It is really a pain in my pocket la...
But there is a blessing in disguise I realized...
Due to my not-so-good memory...
I forgot all the numbers in my phone....
Which means i will also forget Someone's number...
and which also means i will not sms or call him anymore..
well at least i won't have the urge to call or sms him since i don't even know his number...
Isn't it great..?
Well at least i have another way to help me forget him right...
I meant not really forgetting him la..that is impossible la...
Well at least put his topic at rest...
It's been the longest record-breaking post break-up depression i ever had..
And thanks to it la that i have to gain so much weight...!
I have to put a stop to it soon before i burst like an over-inflated ballooon...
So much for a true Love....
*shakes head*
Niways...let bygones be bygones...
If it's not meant to be then it is not going to be...
I just want to enjoy my singlehood and maybe in the midst of it i could find my soulmate...???
Awww......

Lost phone.

I thought after the revival of my U600 samsung phone,I could never have any problems with phone aymore...

But i just lost it on Friday Night.......
We are not destined to stay for long i guess...
it is just not meant to be...

I have to like fork out $$ to get a new phone soon...
*sigh*

To all my contacts..
pls sms me your number telling me your name ok??
I need to save it up back once again...

Its gonna be fine.

First of all...

I'm praying that nenek will be ok...
Hopefully she can be discharged soon...

And finally...
I'm having a bit of fun nowadays...
Thanks to Arifa for being there for me always...
I had fun that night...
I was high with some fun ....
BUT,
I know my limits...
However, i'm surely looking forward to such fun in the later future...*grins*

Raya Outings with Colleagues.

I had a long day On 2nd November.
My day started as early as as 10 am and ended as late as 12 midnite...
Raya outing with my colleagues was fun but hectic...
But luckily we got 2 SUVs to brings us around...thanks to Raihan abd Izzul for driving us around...U guys save half of my energy..*grins*
And yes...We were filling in our stomach with food continuously!!
Imagine we have to eat at every house and we visited approx 10 houses in total..!
How crazy is that??? haha!
But it was a fun experience..
though it was super tiring and we have to work on the following day...
More of it next Hari Raya..??
*smile*