Upate of my almost a week absence.

Wow...I've not blogged since almost a week!

I have been busy.

I went for a 2 days course at my workplace.

My manager sent me for ARC (Acute Resus. in Children) course.

I managed to pass and got myself a ARC trained card.

Alhamdulilah.

And yesterday,

I registered with BBDC for my Class 3 course.

I joined the school course coz' i think it has more pros than cons as compared to a private course.

Thenafter,I went for my first time Facial treatment with Kak Midah at hr fren's place.

I burnt 180 bucks for beauty.

I opted for the Vitamin C treatment.

It took me almost 3 hours for just beauty of my face...!

Sigh....And the outcome of it is this...

Worth it?

hmm i think got glow abit la..

But when i came back home my mom notices the diff.

She was like"Kenape berseri-seri and berkilat eh muke..?? "

LOL....

A starter for the day.

My night shift went on well last night.
Kak Midah and me went for breakfast at Tekka.
I had prata and she had a plate of rice.
Before going home,I decided to pack rice for my mom and bro at home.
When I reached home,mom was already up and reading newspaper with her coffee.
I told her that i bought her breakfast and with my tired face i walked in and put my bag in my room.
When I came out of my room,I was shocked to see my mom was weeping...
She was weeping and telling me that she knows I have so many problems in my head and that she doesnt want me to keep it to myself.
I acted cool and told her not to cry and that i'm ok.
She asked me about Mus and asked me if Mus have borrowed my $$ all this while...
I was shocked and my heart was pounding..I can't bear to lie to her...
I just nodded and tell the truth...
She then says..no wonder I see that ur always short of $$ even though your pay is good enough for urself..
She then told me that she also suspected that i'm using my savings.
I just told her off that I will handle everything and I don't want her or my dad to get worried.
I'm the one who chose to be with Mus last time and i think i deserve to handle it on my own account.
I shall be responsible for my own mistake.
I'm a person who learnt from my past.
It hurts to see how people can be so unappreciative of you.
At the end of the day,
it is the facts of life.
I have got to face it and be wiser next time.
I sometimes think that why do i keep bumping into the wrong guy?
But Insya Allah,I will meet with the right guy someday.

But it just hurts me so much to see my mom crying out so badly for me...
it hurts me so bad...
So,that was the start of my day today.

Emotionally Attached.

I just don't know why but i am easily attached to my patients especially if they are just so smart and very chatty.I love them.They can just put a big smile on my face whenever I am feeling down or tired.My patients get attached to me very easily too.Maybe becoz i just love to entertain them and try every way i can to just sit by their side and talk to them.I have always love kids and my mom and relatives knows about it very well.

I always dream of having kids of my own and i wonder how they will be...surely as lovely as all other kids are.


I understand why parents are usually very anxious and over-react when their child is admitted in ICU coz a child is oh-so-precious to their parents.To lose them is a painful and almost an undescribable agony that every parents have to face.Being a nurse and watching them going tru' it is also a painful feeling.We go tru' the painful journey together but at the end of the day,if the kid fails to hold on,we just have to let them go rather than making them suffer even more.


After losing my beloved patient Allahyarham Dzulkifly,,I realized that my emotions are really fragile and i realized that i'm easily attached to kids very easily...But i also have to know that I have to be strong too coz' i can't afford to be too sad if i lost them coz' I'm just their healthcare provider and that i have done what i have to do to the best of my ability.


But not denying the fact that i'm a human with feelings too..I love kids and its okay to cry and be sad when they are gone.Meanwhile,life is short and i have got to cherish every moment i have with all the patients that i truly love....


In Loving memory of my Beloved patient Mohd Nor Dzulkifly.
You are always in my prayers,sweetheart.



Currently,my oh-so-manje patient.My Lil' Justin.
He'll whine adorably if i go just few metres away.
We communicate in English and Mandarin ok coz' he is from China.
He understood me really well hor.That clearly shows my Mandarin not bad wat..!! hahaha!
Guess wat? He calls me Ba-by ok...aww...so cute! But now i taught him to call me Ya-ti Jie-jie.He is getting it.. :) smart guy.

My Second Fishing Trip.

Venue:Pasir Ris PayPond.

Time:9am to 7pm

People:Ahmad,Izzul,Kak Midah & Me.

FishCatchers:Ahmad,Izzul & Me

Fish Caught: Ahmad-Ikan Bawal Izzul-Ikan Terubuk Me-Nothing!

Trip Review:Awesome! I'm aiming for a fish the next trip!!!

Aside from that.......

I lost a very special patient of mine at 0200am 15/02/09.

Mohd Nor Dzulkifly.

Dzul,

You will always have a place in my heart and prayers.

May ur soul rest in peace.

I wish you could go earlier and not suffer so much.

Now that you're gone....

I feel so sad...I'm so emotionally attached to you..

You are the smart,adorable and easy-going kid that i will never forget.

I still remember ur beautiful-cheeky smile...

the way u like to tease and disturb me....

the way u say u miss me...

the way u are so manje the moment u see me around...

I just teared when i see ur pic in my phone...

It is just so hard to believe that you're gone now when i took care of you just few days before u went away...

But i felt good that the 2 days i took care of you,I did my best to ensure that ur at ur most comfortable state and to try fulfill all your wishes...

I'm glad I had caress ur forehead and told you that ''kakak yati sayang Dzul.."

*Al-fatihah..*

*Tearful*

My 2009 V day.

My V date with Bestie was cancelled.

She was not feeling well.

And so i just stayed at home.

Cuzzies called at 10pm and asked me to get ready coz they wanna date me out for a late midnight movie.

And we had a blast last night.

I had an awesome time.

Started our day at 12 midnite and ended at 8am.

We were really flatt in the cab home...!

My V day this year is great...!

:)

And ..I'm going fishing tomorrow! Yahoo!

Officially not with you.

I'm officially not with Mus anymore.
I have made up my mind for once and for all.
I have consult some of my close frens regarding the matter and all of them think my decision is the right one.
And I'm sure if my parents knows about the whole story,they will definitely not be happy seeing me with Mus.
Now,I need to get on with my life.

First and foremost:Lose weight!
Secondly: Save up more!!
Thirdly: Spend most time with my beloved family...
Fourth:Slowly work on my future plans...(I got few choices with this one...)

Praying for the best. :)

P.S. I will be out with bestie tomorrow's evening for our V day.... :) (well it is just coincident that we r both free tomorrow la actually....)

Drained Out.

I was out the whole day yesterday.
My day started as early as 430am.
Work started at 7am.
ICU was hell busy.
My patient almost got up from bed and walk!
Scary!
I never really hav time to sit down and write a proper report.
My leg was aching like mad.
Ended work and then went to Maz's wedding.
Luckily we got Izah to fetch us with her car or I'll just be hailing a taxi home...
Maz looked gorgeous with her songket baju kurung.
We ate and chit-chat for some time and then Kak Midah and Izah decided to head Changi airport as we are already so near...
And so we chill out @Poppyes till about 1230am.
And then Izzah sent us home one by one.
I was the last one to be sent home and I was only able to sleep at about 230am after i showered.
I was really really tired.

This happens in Singapore ok!

Slacking out @Poppyes Changi Airport.

Ahmad & me at the backseat of Izah's Car.

The lamp-post couple.

I slept tru' but still able to answer my ringing phone at 3 plus in the morning.
Bi called to wish me good nite.
And then I don't remember anything.
At 8am,Sham called.
To wish me good morning and i was really half awake.
Then i slept back n don't remember anything..
At 10am mom woke me up and ask me to get changed to go to my cousin brother's wedding.
I just couldnt open my eyes and told mom to go ahead and send my regards to him.
Plus I could actually escape from meeting people I dont really fancy on meeting. Hehe~
I only woke up at about 12noon...
Gosh my whole body was aching...
I feel that i need to go start jogging soon...
My body feels lethargic and weak.
I need to kick start my regime!

Breaking myself.

I took a sick leave from work today.
I can't get up of bed coz' my head was darn heavy.
As usual...migraine hits me.
I woke up in the morning at 9am and ordered MacD Hotcakes for my mom and bro coz' my mom was craving for it lately.
I woke up with a very puffy eyes.
I knew my mom will notice it plus she knows i'm supposed to be working day shift today.
I just told her that i need a rest today coz' of my migraine and that i need a peace of mind after I ended things with Mus last night.
She just kept quiet,looked at me for a moment and said...its ok...everything is gonna be alrite...things happened...if he is really meant for u...he'll come back to you...if he is not the one...pray for his happiness....
I just nod and was tearful....
Someone msg me in MSN too to ask if i am ok...think he could somehow feel it or he probly read my post.He said everything is gonna be fine too...
In this point of time...everything is easier said than done and especially for me to go tru' this heartbreak again and again.
I was quite calm for the rest of the day but not after i woke up from my rest.
I woke up feeling empty...very very empty...
it is like i'm yearning for my Bi...
and dying to know if he is doing ok there...
My heart feels like a roller coaster...all kind of feelings mixed up that it makes me wanna throw up...
And so i msged him jst to check if everything is ok and that he is doing fine coz' actually i'm not doing that fine....
he replied awhile later saying he is not ok and that his mom is in hospital..
I felt like my heart dropped...
I msged him back asking if there is anything i can help or anything that he needs...
He then replied "I will manage my own k...u've helped me enough.I love you always Bi,sorry for everything....."
and the only stupid thing i can do is just cry and cry and cry.....!!
It is just breaking my heart to let him go....and moreover to hear that he is not doing ok there....it felt terrible for me....it really does...

I'm so tired of crying..
I wanna eat my meds and sleep tru....
Good night.

Crushed.

I don't know what else to say.
I'm lost.
I want to end things but my tears just couldn't stop.
I Love him so much that it is hurting me to let him go.
And I'm also hurt if i never let go of him.
What is this?
I'm confused.....
I really am....
At this point of time i really need someone to talk to me.
But everyone is asleep soundly....
I feel so so breathless with this endless tears...
I already end things with him.
He didn't said much.
He seem to have so many things up in his head.
But he never wanna share it with me.
I don't know...
I feel so so empty.....

The last thing he said was ''can i call u if i need someone to talk to..?"
With my cracky voice...i just said yes....
It hurts ....it really hurts me....
I asked him "you don't love me anymore is it..?"
He said no..he just don't want to trouble me...

I don't know if i could work later...
My mind is messed up now....
my eyes are swollen...
my heart is aching...
I'm having chest pain...
My migraine is getting worse.....

If only he could open up himself more to me...
I will probably understand....
But what can I say...
It's over.
I'm just gonna slowy pick up the pieces and bring myself together...
And take each day as it goes...
It will definitely take time for me...
Slowly I will...Insya Allah...
May Allah give me the strength to overcome this obstacles...
Amin~.......

Too much.

It is just too much for me to swallow.

It is darn painful.

My mum had seen me cry over my Ex-Someone.

And now it is just so shitty she have to see me cry again coz of you,bi.

I hate it.

I really hate it.

Guys are guys!!!!!!!

Never make any more promises to me people,

Coz' i am just so done with it!

New Stuffs.

Psst.

I know how to fish already!

But still need to learn la...

Thanks to Izzul coz' he taught me how to...

Me,Ahmad & Izzul went for Fishing @ Sembawang Park yesterday.

I caught nothing,but I learnt how to connect the rail & hook to the rod etc.

I know how to throw the rod too!

No luck this time but i will surely hope I have luck in the near future.

I don't think I wanna go out with Izzul & Ahmad anymore coz some people are not happy with it.

I wanna go fishing the next time with my beloved cuzzin sister.

More peace.

And i meet up with Sham for supper.

Its been long since we last met.

Almost a year!

And he told me that I put on EXTREME weight!!!

Oh yes.. I know...

I will slowly but surely shed it off...

Thanks for taking the time to meet up with me and hear me out.

I really appreciate it.

I had a wonderful time with you. :)

And I already made up my mind.

I am not going to Lang Tengah Island with my colleagues(usual kakis).

Coz' I just want to go Terengganu with my family.

A family trip is what i have always wanted for so long.

Sorry colleagues,go ahead without me aite.

I'm so excited bout' this family trip i'm going.

Thanks mom,for agreeing to go.

Love you,mmmuaacckss!