Your Charming 16.

Bro turns 16 today.Your beloved Sister is wishing and praying for your well-being always.May you have lots of fun,happiness,good health & Love always.Study hard and excel in your studies.Lesser computer games,soccer & ''lepakings'' sessions please! Your N level is coming.Pls buck up and work it on alright.And I know you will surely Love my gifts.You better appreciate it coz' you are just one Lucky guy to have such a generous sister like me lor! *smile with tongue out*
Enjoy your day,Bro.

Happy For You.

I was browsing tru' facebook and i suddenly saw my Ex,Azhar just got married.

I know that he told me several months back after our break up that he is getting married in 2009 but we lost contact after i changed my number.

And there i saw his wedding photos in facebook...

They look stunning... :)

May you have an everlasting and blissful marriage...Have the juniors soon aite...!! hehe!

And next year,i think Someone and Sham is getting married...hehe....aww.. i'm happy for you guys...

And as for Me..?? I'm getting married to Dubai/Saudi/Bahrain next year ..insya allah......lol.

Your Leave.

You may leave.I won't stop you.I'm disappointed accompanied with many other feelings like hurt,crushed,broken, etc.I'm needing a break from all of these.Just so you know that I have always been trying my best to make you happier & better but you are just not seeing it.Pointless.

I'm sorry if you think I have let your pride down as a guy.No intentions of it at all.God knows.You can continue with what you have been doing.Keep giving everything up so easily,Keep giving people who Loves you hope and crushed them,Keep running away from your problems,Keep letting your past haunt your future.Keep doing it and we shall see how happy you are gonna be.

You take care.

P.S. I'm always wishing and praying for your better.

Signing off,

Your Evil cum Cruel Nur.

Total Disappointment.

Do you think i deserve this kind of treatment from you? I may be too obliging and empathetic towards people I love,but that doesn't mean that you can make use of me!

I have been sacrificing so much for you and even to the the extend of having to put up with my own embarassment of having to approach someone to help me so that I could help you!There goes my pride.I have never ever did that and that was my first time doing it- just because I sincerely wanted to help you so much! I even told you I had to use my own expenditure for food!I am not a calculative person,trust me-you can ask the people around me-I just feel like it is getting way too far.You keep telling me about your problem whenever we have conversations.You keep telling me you are feeling so stressed up.You keep telling me that and telling me this..and almost all of it is relating to $$$.Tell me how am I not curious about how sincere you are befriending me..??? Sometimes I wonder if there is even Love for me in the first place!!

And when I question you about this,you just blow your top and accused me of saying you are a materialistic person when all i want is just to question your sincerity...!So much for sacrificing in the name of Love...this what i get out of it all...thanks.

I kinda see the reasons behind it all...

It hurts me deep down.You'll know how it feels when one fine day you know what is the feeling of sacrificing for someone you really Love.

P.S. Stop asking for my acct no.coz' I have helped you sincerely and I don't expect a return.I just need you to appreciate.Not by uttering words of appreciation but by feeling it with your heart.

I'm not gonna disturb you anymore coz' I know you won't even want to talk to me ever again.I'm speechless too.You tk good care of yourself for me.Don't let people hurt you or make use of you.I would Love to see a sincere smile on your face one fine day.I'll be happy for you.

So peaceful.

I feel so peaceful when i look at both of them sleeping soundly.I have just settle down tucking them in to sleep.After they recited some prayers,they fall asleep so easily..I just smiled looking at them sleeping so soundly.

I have to wake up early tomorrow.Think i'm going to be a bit busy from tomorrow onwards.Working hard and also to distract me from certain things.

P.S. I keep seeing you in the beautiful picture of my future happiness....whatever la..i have like 3-4 years to earn lots of money to make me a happy person in my future..So it is too early to think about family...geez..lol

A Nurse to a Babysitter.

Today I woke up at 12 noon.So tired after yesterday.I cleaned my house thouroughly while my mom cook my favorit dish-Mee Soto. Actually,it wasn't meant for me but for my niece and nephew.I will be taking care of them for today.Their mom needs to run some errands and i volunteered to babysit them since today is my off day.

Gonna pick them up from school which is like few metres away from my house and then wash them up clean.Made them have a good dinner,watch a bit of tv,check if they have any homework to be done and guide them tru' it,talk and chit-chat with them for awhile and if they are tired,will tuck them in to sleep. :)

I have to sleep early too coz' I have to work day shift tomorrow.Mom will help me send them to school tomorrow since i have to get out from the house as early as 0515hrs.Gonna prepare their favorit Omelette sandwiches for them to bring to school tomorrow.

Ok ok..I know I sounded like a mom with two kids...! Just that a Loving Hubby is not in the picture now...lol...if there is a husband figure in the picture,it would be better... I'll probably not sleep so early after the kids is asleep *wink wink* lol...sorry i get too carried away...haha

P.S. Today is gonna be a better day...

Short JB trip.

Just reached home from my short JB trip.I was working today.But then my kuku(close colleague) decided to make a crazy plan.Off to JB without much thought.We ate ayam penyet and met up with her sister who lives in JB to do some ketchup.Once tummy is filled and we are contented,we went home.Tired but all smiles.

Oh geez..I'm working another 3 more shifts before i have my weekends off.So draggy.Can i please just have the weekends off and not work...?? i wish lor...And i'm having plans with my Good fren,Zal on saturday..haha..we probly gonna watch Movie and then head up to fish with some of his frens and a new fishing mate which according to him is a skillful young lady..Oh my...i'm so gonna be inspired by her and probly could ask her for useful fishing tips ;) I want to catch a fish so badly!! *pouting lips*

P.S. I am feeling a bit better today but some things towards the end of the day just makes me lose the calm mood i have throughout the day...but its okay..tomorrow is gonna be a better day...As long as I know what i am doing and what is wrong and right..i just don't have to be bothered by all these people.

Beautiful Memories.

I was browsing tru' all the pictures while listening to all my favorit songs.I teared & smiled when I look at those pictures. It was indeed a beautiful sight.

Not too worry.I just need some time to get over things.I know we are good frens now.And just as much as you don't want to lose me,I don't want it too.

Tomorrow,I will be a more inspired person.I will get out from my room and head out to do what i am suppose to do.Work hard and play hard :)

Reaching for my star.

Life is meant to be challenging for some of us.And no one in this world could escape from having problems in our everyday life.We are thought to be wiser with every challenges and problems that comes in our way with each time that passes us by.Sometimes we learnt,sometimes we don't.Don't regret on it coz' there is always reasons why it happens.

I was all alone at home today.My family went out for grocery shopping.I have always been the one who would follow my parents out but not today.I was feeling not too well and needed to rest so much.Told my mom that i don't feel like going anywhere today and went back to sleep.When i woke up,i feel so empty suddenly...but i expected this feeling.A lot of things happened yesterday.It was a mixed feeling.But i'm glad everything was settled there and then.

I'm feeling better now.My vision now is about me,myself and I.I really promised to myself that i'm going to concentrate on my career and my future.I will let matters of the Heart to rest.Let my heart heal slowly.It is about time I rise up and reach for the star!! :)

P.S. It feels empty but it is not hurting... :) I'll get better in time....

Crushed Hopes.

My tears aint gonna stop now..my heart is breaking and breaking again into pieces....

Dear god,
this is not the first time that my hopes are being crushed.And i still never learnt from the past.I still give my heart to someone who can potentially break me into pieces.What wrong have i done to all these people...i wana know my mistakes...coz i tot' i have given tender loving care to them and cherish them more than my own life...what signs does all this hurt indicates....??*sob sob*
I need a shoulder to cry on now....I really need it...so so hurt...so so broken inside...it's gonna be a wet wet night....coz' i'm sleeping on my wet pillow...wet blanket and wet bolster....
*choked*
Nitez..

So Low.

I decided to take a different route home from work today.I just feel like having a slow & long journey home.I was in my deep thoughts throughout the whole journey home..it felt so mellow...I want to go out of Singapore and work in Dubai..not that i hate Singapore,just wanna have time off from here and explore the other side of the world and earned good money.

Dear Allah,pls make the time go faster...

Distant & Distance.

I don't know when the tags was sent to her.But I don't blame you if you really love her coz' Love can't be forced or lead.It may be just a tag.But it does have a meaning.Don't worry coz' i will never blame you...I have no rights over you.I totally understand that you and her are just Mama & Papa on the net and you guys may just be frens.But as a lady who loves somebody,she will eventually feel hurt when she sees someone she Love gets real close and intimate with another lady...Like i said,you have all the rights to Love anyone you want to.I'm not angry or anything.Probably just jealous & hurt.But again i said,i'm no one to get jealous of you over someone else.I have no right to.I'm actually angry and hurt with myself coz' i Love a person too much.I should Love myself more.I realized that my heart is not that hard to go tru' all of it.It has been hurt too much.Pls don't feel guilty over anything alright.This is nature of Life.We never run out of complicatedness,problems,hurt and misunderstandings.I don't want to be a hinder for you to fall for anyone that is probably meant for you...
Dear Diary,
It just hurt me to see or to know someone you Love is showing Love to someone else.My tears just rolled down my cheeks when i saw the tags on her profile.It hurts to know someone who says LOVE to you saying it to someone else.I know this kind of things is gonna happen especially with my complicated status.I'm aware of the risk i'm putting on myself.Everytime I meet him and spent my time with him,I feel that i am special to him but when i see photos or Loving words of him and her,I feel hurt.Maybe I should just keep a distance and not let myself fall for him further coz' everytime he stares into my eyes,my Love just adds on...and being a girl,you will be in a miserable position to Love somebody who isn't yours to begin with...*teary*
Oh Allah....
I believe in fate and i have strong faith...if we r meant to be..we will be..insya allah..if we r not...I'm accepting it with an open heart...
P.S. I'm getting impatient to go Dubai/Saudi Arabia to work..maybe i could find more peace there.

Been & Back.

Been & back from my Terengganu family trip.Awesome.Each of my family members had loads of fun.We felt happy as a family.Same goes with my Cuzzie's family.Both of our family was the most 'kecorable.'We had loads of fun,crap,camwhoring & food!!Though the journey took half of our life,haha! we are happy that we get to enjoy watching all the latest Malaysian Movies like Anak Halal,Cinta U-turn etc.Out tour guide is cute! Well, i'm just attracted to his smile for awhile although he is like my dad's age! lol.But after the 2nd day,my infatuation for him just vanished ..lol!
The 2nd day of the trip was tiring.We went to many places which i'm not so fancy about.We went to visit the famous Batik-production place,Nur Arfah Batik.Then,we head to Pasar Payang,the places where the people like our Moms would love...! Sigh...We check-in to our Grand Continental Hotel at about 2pm.We showered,refreshed ourself and headed to Masjid Kristal for our next destination.I so love this place! It is simply gorgeous!My uncle did alot of fun shots here in courtesy of his Olympus SLR camera.We have loads of fun here! We even have ice-cream session!My uncle's treat! Yum yum..We had buffet dinner at Permai Inn's hotel.Fine dining restaurant.Good food.Sedap!Finally we head back to our hotel and Zzzz..
Woke up at 6am on the 3rd day,all ready by 7am for our buffet breakfast.The food was average.Then we are all ready for our Resort destination.Awana Kijal Beach & Spa resort.We headed for the Keropok Lekor stall.Yummy..sedap...syiok! Bought some Keropok Lekor and then off we go to Kijal.Once we reached the resort we are like so excited! Beautiful place.we feel so relaxed.Just by looking at the gorgeous scenery,i feel so calm and peaceful.Arrhh..i wish i could live here and not be back here in Singapore where life is so stressful! geez!We went swimming in the swimming pool,went sight seeing on the beautiful beach but was not allowed to swim as there is a red flag indicating it is not safe to swim coz' it is the South China sea and not well protected.We really had loads of fun here at the resort.Everyone was all smile and laughter...!We had buffet Dinner here before we went exploring on the resort.The 12 of us was so happy that night tho' we felt quite tired.At about 11pm,we went in to our rooms and my other cuzzies crashed into our room and watched lake placid 1 & 2 shown on star movies while we munch on our late night snacks! By about 1am.We all went flatt..Zzz..
On the final day,woke up at 6am and had our buffet breakfast.We are all ready for check-out at 10am.So sad to leave Awana.But kinda miss Singapore actually.Erm..missing someone so much too...i'm glad and thankful my family and i are back in Singapore safely.
Do look out for the pics.

With a Heavy Heart.

Tomorrow i will be off to Terengganu for awhile.I should be happy but i wasn't feeling that way.My heart is heavy to leave for a holiday even tho' i have been wanting to get out from here to de-stress.Is it becoz i got lots of things up my head..? I don't want to think too much...but when ur head is in a mess,you wont feel at ease right? Make sense right..?

Gonna be working later.Gonna be home tomorrow morning.Gonna leave for Terengganu at bout 9pm.I still havent get my stuffs ready.I just dump everything on the sofa and i think i will pack tomoro before i leave the house?? rushing? I don't care.

Pray for my family's safe journey to and fro ya.

Drag for work.

I'm dragging to go to work.If not becoz of my motivation to nurse my poor patients,I would just call for an E-leave.

Oh god....

P.S I miss you...

Departures.

I'm back from a movie trip with Zal.We saw 'Departures'.Unique storyline i must say.Very teary towards the end of the movie coz' it is so sad ok...I can't hold back my tears lor.. Zal saw me teared and laughed at me... hmm..he also wanna cry i know...he just acted cool...! lol.So peeps,go and watch it aite...! Thumbs up!

Well.....i really don't know what is wrong with me nowadays...I guess i'm just stressed out mentally,physically,financially and whatever-ly ...I hope i can de-stress during my Terengganu trip...

P.S I'm hurting inside but i don't mind if it's gonna take for as long as i live...

I wanna get out from here.

I have been so stressed out for the past few days.Feels like my skull almost burst.Work was super busy yesterday.I'm so pissed off with my superior.I wonder where her brain has gone to??? Can't you even assess how critical is the patient.You don't just any-oh-how assign people to nurse two heavy cases ! I find you very biased and you are not suitable to even be the superior! Idiot. Even though it is not me whom you are assigning the patients too,it is my colleague that you are being biased with.Poor thing my senior kakak.Luckily i was done with transfering my patient up and could help ease her workload abit.Some people are just brainless,heartless and whatever-less la! If you think you wanna be biased,get lost!

I hate working in this type of environment.seriously.I just can't wait for my bond to end.I'm so gonna get out from there.

I'm going to Terengganu on Thursday night but i simply can't find time to pack and prepare my stuffs...Oh geez! Work has taken a toil on me.Any kind soul can help me pack my stuffs???Think is about time I take my mind off Singapore.Terengganu,here we come.

P.S. I dind't know skinned knees are so painful..been tolerating with the pain for like several days already..But i still think skinned knees are easier to nurse than a broken heart. Get well soon to Dearest-Me....